I'm almost certain I have an N-mother.
I wasn't willing to go this far at first. But the more I examine my mother's behavior and compare it with that of other N-parents, the more I have come to realize that she is definitely exhibiting narcissistic traits.
Here is the evidence I have gathered.
1. Uses/Lives Through One's Own Child
Well, definitely. Right now, she's pestering me to get a job, saying she wants me to be independent, even though she raised me to obey her and rely on her for everything.
2. Marginalization
She's said plenty of things to lower my self-esteem. See Manipulation for more details.
3. Grandiosity and Superiority
She may not view herself as better than everyone else, but she's very much entitled and thinks she can get me to do whatever she wants.
4. Superficial Image
I've been forced to smile for photos.
5. Manipulation
This is where she really shines.
Guilt trip: "I put a roof over your head, feed you, clothe you, and you never show me gratitude."
Blaming: Even for the slightest things, like not reminding her to unlock the car door when she should have remembered to do it herself.
Shaming: "If you grow out your hair without letting me cut it, you'll look bad in public."
Negative comparison: "Your brother and sister never failed to turn in their assignments on time. Also, these other students can get their homework done, and they have sports!" (Right, like she was supposed to know how the sports kids at my school were doing on their homework.)
Unreasonable pressure: "Get top grades in your classes."
Manipulative reward and punishment: "Go to this college I selected for you, or else."
Emotional coercion: If I'm a good son, I have to go out with her to buy groceries, go on family trips, make birthday cards for my family, etc.
6. Inflexible and Touchy
Oh, very much so. She refuses to listen to or accept any criticism from me whatsoever.
7. Lack of Empathy
Sometimes, my feelings matter to her. Sometimes. But other times, like when we get into a shouting match, they don't seem to matter anymore. She thinks that because she's my mother, only her opinion matters in that instant.
8. Dependency/Codependency
She's made it very clear that she still expects me to take care of my biological relatives, even after I finally get out of this house.
9. Jealousy and Possessiveness
She's scared of me growing up, I know it. Even though I'm already an adult, she still goes out of her way to remind me that I still live under her roof. When I decided to go out and visit my best friend for my birthday, she raised a fuss and asked me a ton of questions before finally letting me go, but only on the condition that I make it onto the earliest bus home. The next time I visited my best friend, I didn't tell her, because I thought she would raise another fuss, and I didn't want to deal with that. But my E-father tracked my phone, and he told my mother about it, and she grounded me from visiting my best friend for an as-of-yet indefinite amount of time.
10. Neglect
It's not intentional, but because she and my father have work, and my sister spends more time up in her apartment, I'm often left at home alone. (No, I do not set up strategically placed traps to stop burglars from stealing stuff from the house.) Still, it's become boring and dull without my friends around, especially now that I'm grounded.
And that is all of the evidence I have gathered. What do you think? I would appreciate any advice you could give me on dealing with this.
If you are wondering what my source is, here it is: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent