Searching to end a cycle and bring in peace
Hello,
I'm not going into excruciating detail here just the basics, just looking for some general guidance.
So, basically around 7-8 years ago my life went topsy turvey and it's led to an ongoing battle on/off with voices/mental health struggles.
Let me preface by saying we do not have a family history of mental illness, nor have I ever abused substances of any kind. I don't even smoke or drink alcohol at all.
Basically without going into detail, I met someone online who I cut off for my own personal reasons and this person kept bringing up the concepts of spiritual practices. I was never interested/never engaged and was an atheist at the time with little interest in this realm.
After cutting this person off I started to get mildly interested in tarot cards and bought a couple of decks as I would call it putzing around. I didn't understand at the time that these things hold weight and to watch how they are used, I thought it was a game.
So, after a couple of weeks of a fallout with said person above and messing around with tarot decks I started seeing screwed up shadow figure and hearing voices.
I've been given so many different perspectives from psychics, religious folks, and spiritualist and am just looking for clarity to reattain my inner peace.
Basically, on and off this whole cycle will come back around with the voices and shadow figures with issues I've already addressed and just keep metaphorically trying to keep the cycle going.
I'm not longer am scared of them, nor do I give much weight to what they say because I believe I've already address what they persist to bring up. I've done my shadow work per day, at least as I see it.
I'm growing sick of paying people for advice to really just have this same garbage keep coming back around every year or so.
When this does come back around, it also seems to try to push the individual back in my mind that I cut off when this started. I'm not placing blame, I'm just looking for understanding and how to break this so I can just live and not keep repeating this again and again.
The only thing I can think why it keeps reminding me of this individual is because they were a musician and I've always been interested in music/learning to play instruments myself. I also think some part of me was interested in spirituality on a deeper level, but didn't want to explore it due to religious trauma of growing up in a Christian household where I was always shut down.
How do I just get my peace back? This honestly I hate to say it is making me hate spirituality altogether.