u/NastyNas420

We broke up today. We fell in love around 8 months ago and it was honestly amazing, everyday I was so excited to talk with her and when we would message it would feel like I was high speaking with her. We both had some struggles from being cheated on in our previous relationships, but we made it work and honestly things were so great until this month. We started arguing almost everyday and these arguments would be bad, but we would always reconcile and apologise for what we done wrong. She recently told me that she no longer wants to have sex and instead wants to wait for marriage for religious reasons. This set off my overthinking and sent me spiralling comparing myself constantly to the people in her past life and the fact that I wasn’t good enough anymore for her. She wanted to mould me into a religious man that could lead her and the family in the right direction and someone she could look up to. I was ready and had sacrificed everything for her, but ultimately I couldn’t sacrifice my flesh (sex). I became vulnerable with her and tried talking about how I felt in this scenario and how we had drifted from partners to just friends, the removal of sex also removed all other intimacy and it just felt distant. I wanted it to work and tried working through it, I sent her a few messages being vulnerable but then 5 minutes later I was blocked on every single application imaginable. She sent me one final message saying that “You don’t know what love is” and then blocked me.

I’ve been through breakups before so this isn’t my first rodeo, they all hurt but this one just feel so weird. I really do care about her and I do love her, she was my bestfriend and I would want to see her grow and become the best version of herself, but I guess she has to hate me so that she can get through this. I do really wish we could have worked out, but the retrospective jealousy was killing me and it never affected me untill intimacy was cut out from our relationship.

This is the first time in my life where I want the girl to really succeed and get the life she deserves.

Seeking Christian men’s advice

TLDR; gf (30) now wants to wait untill marriage before having sex with me (27) again

I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 6 months. She has 2 kids and is going through a divorce after years of cheating and abuse from her ex husband. I also came out of a relationship where I got cheated on.

We both started talking and became really close and things turned sexual pretty quickly (exchanges of nudes, sexting etc…). After a while she was weary on sexual interactions because of her faith, and I would feel like she wasn’t attracted to me and she did say she doesn’t want to have sex before marriage. When I visited her a few months ago we had sex pretty much every day and were affectionate.

After I came home, she said she doesn’t want any sexual stuff anymore until marriage because she wants to get closer to God, stop getting too attached while things are uncertain, and do things properly in the eyes of god. Marriage isn’t exactly around the corner either because there’s immigration/visa issues and she’s still in an active divorce, so realistically we’re probably talking a couple years before marriage is a thing.

I respect that it’s her choice and it’s a boundary she wants to set and I’m not trying to pressure her to change her mind. But if I’m being honest I am struggling with it

Physical intimacy matters a lot to me in a relationship. Not just sex, but feeling wanted, closeness, desired, affection, chemistry, sexual chemistry, flirting, all of that. Since she brought this up I’ve honestly just felt confused, unwanted at times, and like I’m distancing myself a bit because I’m trying not to even go there mentally. She mentions that we can be intimate without sex by hugging and flirting but I will have to fight my own arousal and prevent escalation; she’s suggested when this happens we just pray and turn to our bibles

What’s made it harder is there’s been mixed signals. Since saying no sex until marriage we’ve still had phone sex a few times and sexual conversations. I have instigated most and she has instigated too, she mentioned the reason was that it was hard to turn me down but now she’s firm again that everything sexual is off the table.

She wants me to come visit for a month and I genuinely want to see her, but I’m struggling to be realistic with myself about how that works. Spending a month together kissing, cuddling, sleeping next to each other etc while trying to ignore sexual urges feels hard, and I worry I’ll just end up frustrated or resentful.

Another thing I’ve started to struggle with is now comparisson. She has told me stories about the first person she lost her virginity too and would see him throughout high school, and stories about her ex (who’s she been with for 11 years after the first guy) and despite all the horrible stuff he did (cheating, abuse, porn addiction etc), they still would have sex all the time, so in my head I sometimes end up wondering if something’s wrong with me, or if it’s not good for her, if she’s even sexually attracted to me or if I’m just lacking something. She caught him cheating so much she ended up opening her marriage as she felt trapped and didn’t want to abandon her daughter, she said that she knew this was wrong. In this time she slept with 3 different people, 2 of them were one time and the last 1 she seen on 2 occasions while in her marriage. I know that’s probably not healthy thinking but it’s where my head goes to as I just question why with me only and no one else. I have brought up previous partners too (7 people) but that’s only because she’s asked about them, and I never go into details out of respect.

I’m not trying to make this about “I can’t get sex so I’m leaving”, I’m genuinely trying to work out if this is something I should grow through as a Christian man, or if it’s a sign we’re just not aligned or compatible anymore in what we want from a relationship. I do see sex as one of the cores of the relationship, it doesn’t have to be all the time but it’s what makes me feel wanted, reassured, and desired. She has been celibate since her divorce started 2 years ago and she makes the claim that she’s not that person anymore, but when we first started speaking it was sexual and we have had sex

Would appreciate honest advice, especially from Christian men who’ve been through something similar.

Tl;dr gf wants to now wait for marriage to have sex again

We have been dating now for around 6 months, we are a long distance couple and we have met up with each-other. During this time we would have sex almost everyday. After I returned back home she tells me that she no longer wants to have sex and instead wants to get closer to god and wait for marriage before we have sex again. This makes things very difficult as I can’t bring up sexual topics or engage in phone sex while we apart. She’s asking me to visit again for a month but I know it will be very difficult for me to not have sex for an entire month especially as we will be kissing, cuddling, sleeping etc next to eachother everyday. I love her very much and she has insisted many times that she’s very attracted to me but she wants to be closer to god. She has come out of a really abusive relationship with her ex who constantly cheated on her, she told me that she doesn’t want to risk feeling hurt or used by me if she continues to have sex with me and doesn’t want us to continue having sex in case we breakup before making it to marriage. To add, there are some complications and uncertainties around relocation/immigration which does add to her fear