u/National_Data_8323

I don't really know how better to say this but my mum has always talked about her dying in some way, and it's like some of my earliest memories as well.

Sometimes it's stuff we can brush off on as a joke because she'll say: "Oh if I ever start going mad then take me out back and shoot me." (Referring to Alzheimer's since it's genetically predisposed in our family, and it's obviously humourous since we live in the UK).

But then sometimes she'll say stuff like: "I wish I wasn't born either" (when talking to my brother when he's arguing) or "Well I wish I wasn't born at all" (loose context, but I know she's said it before).

The thing is like, I don't know if it's technically bad on its own or if I'm just overly anxious. Like if she's gone for too long on a walk then I'll be worried all day that she's gone and done it. Or if I get home from school and she doesn't respond immediately then I'm going to go upstairs and find her dead. Or if she's the only one left in the house.

I don't know if this has been caused by her talking about it, or it's just general anxiety, but I'm worried about the same thing happening to my brother if it is caused by this.

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(Apologies for how clunkily this is written- I wasn't sure how to get it across) My brother is 7 years old and autistic, he's pretty dependent on my parents and he's really reactive to some things. I'm going to use what happened this morning as an example of what goes on, but keep in mind this can be pretty frequent or not at all.

So, what happened this morning is my dog looked at my brother and this upset him- he has a whole list of things about the dog that upset him sometimes- but, today was particularly awful. He started screaming and slamming the door to the living room to get the dog away.

Now, my mum tried to redirect and usher him upstairs which she eventually ended up dragging him to his room- which is like, one of my main concerns. My mum and dad often drag my brother around when he's misbehaving and I just don't know if that's good for him, like I get on a neurotypical child because it doesn't cause them massive upset but I know some neurodivergent children are more sensitive to touch and I think he is one of them. I just get worried it'll cause him mental strain that'll be hard to get rid of. But it's not my only worry...

My dad can be really reactive as well (we also think he has autism, just undiagnosed), and he came upstairs and began hitting my brother. I mean, it was only spanking, but he screams so loud it makes me worry it has a bigger effect on him as it would a normal child. Not to mention my dad keeps threatening him and telling him to "shut the f\*\*k up", and he broke his toy glider when he didn't stop crying after he said.

I just don't know anymore, what I remember of being a kid was somewhat similar but I feel like it'll have a more dire effect on my brother since he's neurodivergent. I don't know though, I mean I turned out okay so maybe it'll be the same? I just worry about how frequently it is. Any other thoughts are welcome and very well thanked though..

So, recently my (18F) friend has been saying that she's going to try "giving herself an eating disorder" to end up looking hot. I (17M) am the only one she says these things to- she is also the only person to know of my struggles with anorexia, as I told her these in confidence.

Her comments feel like attacks, especially when she refuses to listen to my warnings against engaging in disordered behaviour. And I know that saying things like that and trying to get attention for it are still signs of mental unwellness and a form of disordered eating, and I'm not discrediting that, but it feels more like she's trying to make me relapse into something terrible again. The thing is, I want to help her more than anything- me being triggered isn't a problem because if I relapse or not doesn't matter in the situation- I want to dissuade her from it but telling her the horrors I faced medically (even when not underweight!!) won't do anything... I've told one of my friends but I don't know what else to do. She's not actually engaging in any disordered eating habits besides what she already does because of ARFID- and I know having a pre-existing eating disorder and mental condition can heighten the chances of anorexia, but she's just saying things and not acting. So it just feels like she's trying to purposefully upset me.

The worst part, is that I end up feeling competitive. And I feel like, I have to help not feel that to help her, and I can suppress it but I fear me losing more weight would just trigger her and actually cause her to act with these urges.

I really don't know, anyone's help would be really lovely right now.

So, I've (16M) been talking to this guy for like, four months now, just around five and it's become clear to me that I'm struggling insanely hard with long-distance. I feel like I can't get properly connected with him because we can't meet each other in person (England to Argentina).

The thing is, I really do like talking to him, but it makes me more anxious than happy, and more often than not I'm the one reaching out rather than him. I'm trying to rationalise it and say that it's just because I'm not used to talking to someone mainly online but the thing is I just can't seem to like him on a deeper level. He's sweet and ever so kind but I can't help but think that that's all there will be.

Not to mention, I know next to nothing about him. He's in university, but I don't know his age. And that scares me even more, and I feel too nervous to bring it up to him. And like, I just can't see this being a long term thing... In fact, we haven't spoken in like five days and since I've been pre-occupied these days I've noticed that only in my down time that I think of him, and it makes me anxious thinking of him- but I feel like I can't end things because he's so kind... But it feels like it was destined to fail, he told me he loved me within the first five minutes of us talking and I just couldn't fully give that attitude back.

I'm just so conflicted. I don't know what to do.

Does anyone happen to know what "Guido's saints" is in reference to? I've scoured as many articles as I could find but many seemed to not have any relevance or importance towards the sort of image Shelley is creating.

Any help would be incredible, many thanks if anyone has a clue!!