u/Nearby_External_6607

i don’t know what i’m supposed to do. this may be a bit of a rant. i’m thirteen and obviously i’m a guy, and i’ve known this about myself for a year now.

i have never once in my life liked a woman in a romantic or sexual way. i have friends who are women and i love them so much, but i could never want one of them like that. i’ve had girlfriends before and it never worked out because i’m just a shitty boyfriends to girls. i had an odd relationship with another guy but big things happened and we stopped talking.

i have tried so hard to not be this way, but i can’t fix it. this bothers me because ive always been a problem solver. ive looked at conversion therapy but my mom would never let me do that, and there’s no way i could do it in secret. so i’m fucked.

on top of this total bullshit, i have a crush, a huge crush, on my friend. my close friend. because my idiot brain thinks it should fall in love with every guy who’s nice to me. i understand this is entirely irrational and could never work out, i understand he only treats me the way he does because he views me as delicate, i understand that this is idiotic and i still can’t get past it. how am i even supposed to fix this? why am i this way?