u/Neosawake124

Hello. For context, Im 18(M) and just graduated high school. I started at my job the summer between my sophomore and junior year, right after I turned 16, and have been busser/expo (but mainly busser) for 2 years now. The restaurant I work at isn’t really high end, but it’s relatively popular and high volume, so I can make decent money. we’re tipped out based on sales, and we usually make about $40-70 bucks on a slower shift and $90-150 on a busier day, plus minimum wage hourly (Which is good comparatively in California) that being said, I’m looking to leave my job and become a server elsewhere. although I’d ideally like to be Promoted at my current restaurant, because of the way management is and the underemployment in support staff roles, I as one of the longest standing and most competent support staff don’t think I’ll be able to promote at my current job. I also generally just don’t like working there, due to toxic management and the physical toll it’s starting to take on my body. I like being active, and have so many hobbies and interest, but after work I always feel too physically drained to do anything. on my days off I feel burnt out and just want to lay in bed all day. I feel like I work really hard and it goes unnoticed and unappreciated, so if my knowledge and experience is enough to land me a job where I can make the same as I do now, without having to work myself to exhaustion and not deal with a mentally-child manager, I would love to do so. However it’s hard to feel like I’m not just being soft. I make good money for my age, have a good relationship with pretty much all my coworkers and am settled in where I work, and am so young that even if it takes me 2 MORE years to promote, I’ll still be younger then a lot of the serving staff at my restaurant. I just feel like I need a bit more objective guidance while thinking about what my next move is, or if there is a next move at all. Any advice is appreciated!

I've been a busboy at a relatively well-known and popular restaurant for 2 years now. I'm eighteen and just graduated High-School, and instead of going away for college at a University I'm attending a nearby city college first, so I'm going to be in my area for a little while longer. Bussers get tipped out 2% of sales, so with the shifts I get and the number of us usually working at once, I usually make anywhere from $40-100 dollars in tips per shift (The higher end usually coming from busy brunch shifts or busy solo nights). I'm in California, so we make about $17 hourly. Now for why I'm considering leaving.

Although I'm young compared to most of my coworkers, I've become one of the best support staff working at the restaurant. Because I'm now eighteen, and pretty well liked by the servers and other support staff, I've received a lot of encouragement when I bring up my desire to promote and begin waiting tables. I'm probably a little biased, but I believe I deserve the promotion. I never call in sick, am never late, hardly ever ask for time off, always try to complete my tasks thoroughly but also in a timely manner, I have zero write ups, am currently one of the longest employed support staff, get along well with everyone and am pretty much liked by everyone, etc. However, I don't feel very hopeful about getting this promotion for several reasons, the main being due to management. For one, there are few competent cross trained support staff working at the restaurant as of now. Me and my other coworker, who I'll call Tim are the two "main" bussers, Tim sort of being the #1 guy. Despite his recent altercations with our general manager, and overall "bad" attitude/behavior, Tim is still sort of a step above me on the ladder. So as long as Tim is still working there, I likely won't get promoted until a little while after he does, which is unlikely to happen because he's a vital support staff, but has a bad record. However, Tim is leaving in the near future, in September. This means after he leaves, I should be either #1, or #2 on the list to be promoted. However, I fear that when Tim leaves, I'll be the only one left to fill his role as a main busser (that does a bunch of side jobs as well), making it even harder for me to get promoted to server. For this reason, I fear it'll take me a long time to become a server, especially considering the most recent support staff that has gotten promoted to server has been there for 4-5 years already. Now, for the other reason I'm considering leaving, toxic management.

Our general manger is a narcissist, and emotionally immature. One second she'll be laughing and talking to you like you're friends, the next, she's giving you the silent treatment, being short with you, slamming plates in the dishpit, etc. She can never be in the wrong, only everyone else. When I tried to address how she's treated me before, she essentially flipped it on me, saying the reason she acted the way she did was because I had an attitude with her, always rolled my eyes at her, and was generally dismissive. She said how much it hurt her, and how it was "eating her up inside" which made me feel really bad, and I left the conversation being the one who apologized and resolved to change. Even before this conversation, I would never talk back to her, (or roll my eyes. why would I roll my eyes in her face when I was already scared of her😭). If she told me to do something, or came up to me, I would just look down and nod my head because I genuinely hated interacting with her due to the induced anxiety and feeling of incompentence, so I sought to end contact as soon as possible. However, I know these types of people can't change, so I have. I learned to act, and be super over the top and nice to her, even if she's being rude to me. I learned not to tell her no unless I really have to, to act like work was my number 1 priority, not to ask for things unless I really needed them, learned to always triple clarify just so I don't accidentally do anything wrong, etc. I told myself it'd be fine, because I just had to wait it out until I got to college, and then would go away and never have to see her again. But that didn't pan out, so now I'm going to be in my area for the forseeable future, meaning if nothing changes, I'll likely work for her for a while longer.

Because I don't want to work for someone so toxic and self centered, which is already a bad match for a person like me with a lot of internalized guilt, and don't think I'll get to become a server anytime soon, I've been strongly considering leaving this job. However, if I do leave, there's no guarentee that I'll be treated any better, or get to work with people as cool as I do now, or will make the same or any more money as a teenager with only a diploma, than I already do. The mature thing and logical thing to do seems like to just be patient and stay until I do eventually promote, or encounter a better opportunity. However, I also know that it's important to know your worth and advocate for yourself, and not let people walk all over you. So I'm not really sure what I should do. My current plan is to ask for a promotion sometime around the fall (can't right now, since I just asked for time off so she'll be mad at me lol), and if it doesn't happen by next summer, I'll find a new job and leave. But I don't know if this idea is good, or realistic. Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR; I have little hope I'll be promoted to server from busser/expo after 2 years, and resent my toxic boss, but make good money already and am well cemented in my job.

I (18M) started my first ever real relationship with my girlfriend (18F ) ten months ago. It didnt take long for me to grow attached and begin loving her, which makes this situation even harder to accept. Our relationship feels very one sided. I pay for everything, plan everything, drive us everywhere, and generally put in the majority of the effort into our relationship. Despite this, my girlfriend is frequently short and dismissive with me. Even though we have had talks about it, and she’s expressed remorse and a desire to change, things haven’t changed, and if anything have only gotten worse. It feels like almost every time we’re together I’m annoying her or bothering her, and I generally just don’t feel loved. I ask her all the time if I’m being a good boyfriend, or if I did something wrong, and she reassures me that I am a good partner and didn’t do anything wrong, so I don’t understand why she treats me like this. It’s to the point where I don’t even feel like I can be myself around her. I’m not happy in my relationship but the thought of breaking up with my girlfriend makes me sick to my stomach. I really do love her and we’ve been through so much together. My family loves her, and everyone in my life loves us together. I know that if things ended I would miss her so much and would be so sad, but at the same time I’m already sad in this relationship, and I’m losing hope that things can change at all. I really don’t know what to do. part of it could be my fault, because I always minimize or excuse the way she treats me, but Its just because I’m so scared of conflict in our relationship. sorry I know I probably sound pathetic lol. but any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR; I put all the effort into relationship, but girlfriend still treats me poorly. despite this, I love her too much and am too attached to leave.