u/Nervous_Hedgehog_711

I am struggling with my identity. I never grew up thinking I was gay and then I started hooking up with girls in my mid-late 20s. And had my first serious relationship with a woman 6 years ago. It was only then that I realised there’d been signs of my queerness as a kid.…anyway it ended really sadly. And I think of her so often. Sometimes wondering if I’ll look ahead and regret not making it work when things got too hard. Years later I’m with a really kind man, it’s new but we’ve known each other for over 10 years. I’m remembering my exgf was really biphobic and it would cause us to argue a bit. She struggled being masc and visibly gay in a way I’m not, and had a history of dating bi girls that left her for men. Now I’m scared im confirming her fears. And ngl im scared if i commit to a man I will feel perpetual fomo about not living my lesbian life. There’s a chance bi isn’t the right definition but I’m just confused. I’m in my mid 30s and I want to experience a relationship like most people my age and that I never have.

Anyone ever felt this way?

Edit: perhaps key context is that I’m from a homophobic cowboy town

I have posted in here before and had some really affirming and lovely chats with some of you out there with a similar experience to mine. Being that my dad died 9 months before I was born, and before my mum even knew she was pregnant it seems. Recently, after I had a big meltdown, my friend suggested it could be good to find other people that go through this kind of grief. Sometimes I experience it like I'm learning for the first time that he's dead all the time. I don't know if this is because no one ever talked to me about what happened, or why we didn't have a dad in the house. I just arrived kind of late to the party so to speak, and people were doing their best to get by. My uncle commit suicide 3 months after my dads death. And my aunt's daughter died of a heroin overdose around the same time. I think it split my family up in a way where I don't have much contact with them which always makes me sad.

TLDR sorry for the trauma dump. I guess I'm really keen to know how many of us are out there? children of dads that died before they were born, or those whose mums died in childbirth/before being able to access memories?

Thank you in advance <3 and love to all those missing people being here

When you’re dating a man do you get FOMO about not getting to do gay stuff? Or like obsessed with wlw relationships/low key jealous. Asking for me lol