u/NetInteresting8456

I am a 27 year old female. I have been noticing that I am extremely bad at communication, and I’m realizing that I really never have communicated much with anybody ever.

I grew up in an environment where I never once felt starved of love or attention. I always felt safe and cared for, so I really don’t know what this might’ve come from. (I started therapy a couple weeks ago, so this will be a priority)

Anyways, I was in a 7 year relationship that ended up deteriorating because he was never able to really understand what was going on in my head. I was able to express my love and positive things to him, but I never really expressed issues and I would deal with them internally. I am extremely avoidant of conflict. Anyways, when it was something that really bothered me, it would end up coming out during conversations/arguments that he started, stealing his opportunity to speak with me about his issues. I can see how frustrating this would be for him, and I was aware that I would do it, but would end up repeating the cycle in the heat of the moment. I truly could not get myself to bring up issues with him other times, it’s like I would hype myself up to bring something up to him in a healthy way, and when it came down to it I just couldn’t do it and would stay quiet about it. Obviously this made the relationship extremely difficult for me also because I was never expressing my feelings so he’d continue to do things that bothered me without even realizing.

I’ve done this my whole life in my friendships and with my parents. I remember never telling my parents if I got in trouble in school as a kid or if I was in any little girl drama. When my parents were going through a divorce, I never once spoke about it to any of my friends at all. I had a very close best friend at the time and when she inevitably heard about it from her parents, she’d asked me and I just brushed it off.

I don’t know why I am this way, but it’s like I just am so uncomfortable talking about things with anybody. I have tried therapy in the past, but couldn’t get myself to talk about any of my issues and would end up quitting it. I started again, and I told her right away that I have this issue so that she can hopefully help pull some stuff out of me and help me figure this out.

Anyways, all of this is to say, does anybody else resonate with this? If so, was there a book or practice that you did to work on improving your communication?

Thank you!!

(27F & 27M) So a few weeks ago, I was added on Snapchat by a guy from my past. About 8 years ago, we talked and would FT, Snapchat, and text all the time. We had really great chemistry and had a lot of fun talking to each other. We only met once briefly though because he went to college a few hours away from where I went to college. I ended up getting into a relationship with somebody else and cut contact/deleted him.

Fast forward to today, after he added me a few weeks ago, it started with him reacting to my stories/little convos. Then it got into us chatting more every day, and he mentioned wanting to fly out to see me. Things fell into a familiarity quickly, but I definitely can tell he’s not the settling down type or anything which is definitely fine with me as I just recently got out of a very long relationship and am not looking for anything seriously (plus he lives a couple states away now).

Anyways, I enjoy chatting with him and he always expressed really enjoying chatting with me and always complimenting me. On Tuesday he sent “good morning” and I replied “good morning, wyd today” and he opened it and just “loved” the message. The next day he sent “morning” and I sent “morning 😌”. Same thing- opened, “loved”, no reply. The next morning he sent “😍morning” (guessing the emoji was for my story?) and I just “loved” the message. It’s now been 2 days no talking and he hasn’t swiped up on any of my stories.

Should I reach out? Or should I just let it go since he’s the one who has left me on open every time? Usually it would feel pretty clear to me, but since he kept reaching out first I’m wondering if since I didn’t reach out first maybe I should? I don’t know lol help please bc I don’t really wanna let this fizzle bc I’m extremely attracted to him and we have good chemistry but I also don’t wanna let somebody treat me as a zero priority. (Also, I know it’s happening on Snapchat and that’s never a good sign, but like I said I’m really not looking at this as anything serious so idrc lol)