r/communication

M/40 H/55

The guy that i just talked to, he asked me this question "can you tell me about yourself?".

It feels like a job interview really, or am i wrong to feel this way?

Before this, i asked him questions (one at a step) instead of saying "can you tell me about yourself".

I expressed this feeling to him that i feel like i am in a job interview. And his answer was like "i am sorry i feel like i keep puting my foot in it".

And i replied "i get you, i know it wasn't mean badly".

Then he replied "it's up to you. I think your sick is taking on toll on you. You need to rest and bla bla".

I feel the communication skill didn't match at all? Or do i expect too much?

________________________________________

This miscommunication happened before he asked me "tell me about yourself" (which made me super confused about what he was trying to get from me).

HIM: For me messaging like this gets tiresome after awhile and repetitive , adults should be able to communicate with each other

ME: What do you mean?

HIM: I’m actually a good communicator and enjoy talking to people face to face on FaceTime

But for me most people think it’s pushy to ask for that ?

ME: I don't have facetime.

I don't think so

HIM: Ah ok 👍 I mean on video chat

ME: Sure we can do that later don't worry

HIM: Relax 😎 also you have to understand the cultural differences too

ME: Not sure what you're trying to say

HIM: I just mean I like chatting and talking it super healthy I think 🤔 Nothing crazy

On my last working day at my previous organization, I did something completely unexpected. More importantly, I made it clear where I stood and what my path ahead would look like.

My last working day there wasn’t exactly a great experience, for a couple of reasons.

First, my last working day was suddenly preponed, and I wasn’t informed about it. I came to know about the change only when someone casually mentioned it during an informal conversation.

When I asked how that happened, I was told that the holidays had been removed from the calculation. That came as quite a shock because everyone who had left before me had followed the same calculation, and I had calculated my last working day based on the same approach.

What surprised me even more was being told not to tell anyone about my last working day. I found that quite strange.

Technically, apart from HR, the management team and me, nobody knew that it was my last day. I still don’t know the reason behind keeping it that way. But, ironically, it worked in my favour.

So, when I reached the office that morning, it felt like a completely normal day—for me and for everyone else.

I had, however, been given a lot of work that had suddenly landed on my desk. I kept working relentlessly. At one point, the person sitting next to me asked, “Why are you working so much? It’s your last working day!”

I simply told him, “I don’t want to leave things pending.”

The person who had been given additional charge of my profile had neither much understanding of the responsibilities nor, from what I could see, much interest in learning them.

By afternoon, I was completely exhausted. That’s when I decided to send my farewell mail. I knew that once I sent it, my system access would soon be blocked, and I had no intention of taking up any more work for the day.

I had already prepared my farewell mail and kept it ready.

But there was one significant difference.

I did not include my personal email ID or phone number in the farewell mail.

It simply didn’t feel right to do so.

The people I genuinely wanted to stay in touch with already had my number. I had personally shared it with them and had also requested them not to share it with anyone else.

The experience I had at that organization had hurt me enough that, by that point, I didn’t want to remain in touch with anyone from there.

Some of the people who read my farewell mail understood my intentions immediately. It was, apparently, the first time someone in the organization had left without sharing personal contact details in a farewell mail.

During my tenure, I had brought about several changes in the organization.

And when I left, I ended up doing something else that was a first too.

I had changed the organization in my own way while I was there—and when I left, I set a new precedent as well.

I worked at an Indian firm

Recently I've noticed this problem in my relationship that when it gets late or I'm tired or had a long day I get upset by little things my partner does. Which is unfair to him. I noticed that 90% of the time we have a conversation about what upset me I don't even remember it the next day. So I feel like it's better to take a second to realize why I'm upset and cool down rather than talk about it when it isn't an actual problem. Usually I'm just tired or stressed and not actually mad. To him it still looks like I am upset and he wants to know why. It's also very unlikely for me to want space. I feel like this is better than just communicating things that I don't really care about the next day but me pulling away to calm down even for a little bit seems to put him on edge. He wants to resolve the problem but there isn't a problem and I feel bad talking about things he didn't actually do wrong. What should i do?

I haven't spoken to one person today who will let me finish a sentence without interrupting. I'm done . Walking away is the only thing that will protect my sanity.

Bro idk I can't continue any conversation 😭

I've recently realized I have a communication habit that I really want to work on, particularly in romantic relationships.

I sometimes narrate my internal thought process in real time and then look to the other person/interactions with them for regulation. For example, if someone gives me a short response, I might immediately wonder if something is wrong, ask another question, reconsider what I just said, explain why I said it, clarify what I meant, or check their reaction.

Basically, instead of letting a conversation naturally breathe, I sometimes feel compelled to keep checking or “repairing” it, even when there may be absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm realizing things like (\*\*\*and these are more so reminders for myself, which... I plan to reread as a constant reminder):

\--“Okay” can just mean okay.

\--A heart reaction can be enough of a response.

\--Not every text (social media links, random things like that) needs to turn into a conversation.

\--If someone is tired or quiet, I don't need to create connection before letting the conversation end.

\--Silence doesn't automatically mean something has changed between us.

\--I don't need to explain every thought or feeling the moment I have it.

The frustrating part is that I can actually feel myself doing this, and sometimes I'm annoyed by my own communication while I'm doing it. I imagine it can probably feel like a lot for the other person too. In fact, I know it is. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, and I'm still doing these things, constantly.

I don't want advice about playing hard to get, intentionally texting less, or pretending not to care. I'm looking for ways to become more comfortable with normal conversational uncertainty and learn to regulate the discomfort internally instead of immediately bringing it into the interaction.

Has anyone successfully worked on this? What actually helped you change the habit?

I'd especially love recommendations for podcasts, books, exercises, therapy concepts/modalities, or even specific terms I could research that address this particular pattern. Thank you 😌

I feel I get misunderstood often (all of my life). Some people have called me arrogant, some called me rude, someone said I need to learn to be diplomatic. However, on the plus side, I've also been called articulate, give good advice, intelligent, wise.

I am an honest person and I say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I think something goes wrong in the process of translating my thoughts into words.

Having these mixed reactions in my life, I feel now that I need to learn to improve my way of communicating with people. Through writing answers on Reddit, I am beginning to realise the way I structure things needs to to change. The thing I say last could be the 1st or 2nd thing, for example - rearrangements like that.

All I know is I just want to be better understood and what I can control is making myself more clearer. So how do I go about learning this?

I’ve been trying for months to make friends between apps to going places to texting new people. And not a single person have I met tries to hold a conversation. I’m the only one who ever asks questions, or tries to start the conversation. Am I doing something wrong? Or is it just the fact that nobody really wants to talk to me?

Hi there, I wanted to reshare a recent thread I started about launching a simple communication and soft skills training/coaching app.

A buddy and I have been tinkering with this for a while as a passion project after spending years working in the professional development space together. The core idea is to help build a foundational understanding of what makes for great communication, and then use a custom-built AI to coach through specific scenarios or needs.

I'd appreciate candid input/feedback on it as a concept - initial reactions, usefulness, its ability to actually help change a behavior or build a new skill.

If you're interested in trying it out (at no cost), please DM me, and I'll get you set up with access.

I would like to hear from people who were in my shoes but found a strategy out.

I have a strong desire for conversation, that has a connective quality - ping-pong-style - both people contributing more or less equally to explore a topic, essentially creating a thread TOGETHER. Not one person asking and the other lecturing, or both people just talking AT each other in turns, without either of them being truly interested in what the other has to say.

Now, I have been observing my own communication style and turns out that my pattern used to be being the one who strikes up conversation. I'm someone who used to actively listen and ask follow up questions. I did catch myself actively listening to things that bored me numb. Which I realized opening the door wide for more boring yada. I also realized that I tended to wait for the other person to ask me questions in return before I would talk on my own behalf.

I've been adjusting my communication style accordingly and this certainly helps to ward off people intent to chew your ear off while lacking any discernible interest in my person.

However, I wonder: Perhaps there is a way to actively help to co-create a reciprocal, rewarding conversation. Perhaps I've just been asking questions that were to safe or rather I should make bolder statements myself to get something started that is truly interesting? You know, like stating an interesting thesis, put some meat up for discussion. I might truly have been playing it soo safe for someone who actually likes to have a dialoge with substance and a certain amount of depth.

I'm not talking about dissecting personal issues or the like, if there is anything I'm not keen on, it's psycho talk (not shunning it, but something that I'm almost wired to do is play highly capable therapist for people, which tends to leave me depleted. NO MORE.). I am talking having a rewarding, interesting, reciprocal conversation. Be it with a friend where things tend to remain totally surfarcical or a colleague or someone who you have just met.

I'm fully aware that some peolpe plain simply don't vibe, they truly speak different languages.

However I would love to hear from people who feel like they have substantial conversation more often than not: How do you do it? Or differently put: What might I be doing that I am not fully aware of that involuntarily helps create an unrewarding exchange? What strategies could I try out that I have not thought of yet?

Hello,

I'm a bit at a loss right now. I have had a few recent issues arise in interpersonal relationships I have with people in my life. In all instances I have been the one that was "in the wrong". And I will admit, I was. At least in how I reacted. I have a tendency to lose my temper, and have a short fuse. It's been something I've been working on, but not to as much success as I like, in my personal life.

However, the issue I want to ask about is what tends to come before, in a manner of speaking. According to the people who've actually talked to me about this, I have a tendency to criticize, or pick at issues, or belittle. My issue is that I don't quite see it. And when asked, the people who discussed this with me didn't have very solid answers, due to not remember specifics. Which is fine, but sadly not terribly helpful.

The most recent instance though (happened today) was over how I started a conversation. I apparently, in how I started, was "tee-ing them up for an argument" or otherwise "starting a conversation as if I was a parent talking to a child", like asking an obvious question of "how did this happening? Well obviously I caused it so don't treat me like an idiot". The conversation was basically me asking "Hey X, do you know how \[Y thing\] happened?" and they basically responded with "Please don't give me attitude". This led to me... not handling the rest of the conversation well as my frustration boiled over.

Later, when I apologized for my poor reaction, I managed to have a somewhat productive conversation and they told me how they felt I was "looking to pick a fight/argument". That was apparently the perspective they came at with this conversation. From MY perspective, that was *not* how I was planning on approaching it.

How I planned on approaching it was to not immediately assuming the person I was talking to caused the Y thing to happen. Because maybe I could've been wrong and then I made a mistake for assuming. So I wanted to get some confirmation and then I was planning on asking them to "Do Z thing in the future so Y thing doesn't happen, that'd be really great and nice". Unfortunately that's not how the conversation went at all, as I mentioned. And this apparently is not an isolated incident.

So I'm here asking: How can I get better and prevent it from happening in the future? Are there any resources I should look into about unintended critical/belittling language use? Strategies to use or turn to? Should I go talk to a therapist, counselor, or some other professional that could maybe help me?