r/communication

Problem/Goal: I'm curious about something and would appreciate perspectives from Filipinos who regularly communicate in both Tagalog and English. 🙂

Context: Someone I know grew up in the Philippines and has lived in North America for over 15 years (mid to late 30s now). English is their second language, although they've spoken it for many years. They primarily use Tagalog with friends and family.

I've noticed a recurring pattern in our conversations, both in person and through text.

Sometimes I'll ask a straightforward question, and the response will be about something completely unrelated.

For example, I might ask, "Would you prefer Thai or sushi for dinner?" and the response might be, "I can do this strumming pattern on a guitar."

Another time, I was sharing something about a meeting I'd had with a pastor. In the middle of that conversation, the person suddenly started talking about rats on their deck and not being able to find a beach tent. There was no obvious connection between the topics. 🫤

What's particularly confusing is that when I gently ask, "Did you hear my question?", the person will sometimes smile and say, "Yes," (that's it) but still won't answer the original question. Other times, there's no response at all.

This isn't an occasional misunderstanding. It's a pattern I've noticed repeatedly every week or more often.

I'm wondering whether bilingual Tagalog-English speakers have experienced anything similar, either personally or when communicating with someone whose first language is English.

Could it be related to processing a second language, differences in conversational habits, attention issues, or something else?

I'm not suggesting this is a Filipino cultural trait or trying to diagnose anyone. I'm genuinely interested in understanding what might be happening and how to communicate more effectively.

I'd appreciate hearing from anyone with firsthand experience. Thanks!

I am all the time wondering why some people can make a speech in front of many people without ever being troubled or agitated; they talk naturally and at ease, and they never fail to catch the attention of the audience, while I, every time I talk in front of people, ever since I was in middle school, I get extremely nervous and anxious and start overthinking about how I am perceived...etc., and then the content of my speech just loses credibility. If someone has gone through and has some advice to offer, I would really appreciate your help.

Hi,

I am 31 and just reflecting on some comments I’ve heard. One friend told me I complain too much, one said I don’t usually seem happy, another said I make things about myself. One time I was just sitting there doing nothing and someone asked if I was mad at them. Maybe it’s just my face?

I am trying to be more outgoing and happy, but it feels like I’m acting. When we are in a group, I’ll just watch everyone interacting and I feel like I’m an alien trying to figure out how they stay so energized and engaged. I’ve been trying to ask people more questions about themselves and just listen, but I sometimes space out and can’t follow their stories. I struggle with adhd, anxiety, ocd, and depression. I don’t want to use these as excuses. I am in therapy and have done multiple programs to try and lift my depression. I have also tried many types of medication. I also stopped drinking which has made me more socially nervous but I’m sure it’ll pass.

I want to be bubbly and excited about things and have hobbies that I enjoy with others. I’m shy and I like being alone but I hate being lonely. It makes no sense to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

Picture this. Someone asks you a question. You have no idea how you are supposed to answer it. Maybe the question makes no sense. Maybe you do not know what the answer is. Perhaps you know what the answer is, but you are not sure how to put it into words. Maybe the answer is so bad that there is no way to articulate it that will not sound negative.

The scenario I am talking about is different from a situation where you simply do not feel like answering the question. If you just do not want to dignify the question with a response, the solution is simple, say one of these two things. Either; I do not want to talk about it or I do not feel comfortable answering that.

The scenario I am talking about is one where you would like to answer the question and have a productive conversation, but you do not know how.

Here is an idea for what to do.

Option #1: I do not know what the reason is.

Option #2: I suppose the thought just did not occur to me.

Option #3: Can I get back to you on that once I have figured out how to articulate an answer? I know in my head what the answer is, but I am not quite sure how to put it into words.

Option #4: Let me confirm some details and get back to you on that.

The first option works only with a why question. You are saying that you do not know why you did what you did or why something is the way it is. The second option works only with a why not question. The other person asked you why you did not do something and you are saying that you did not do it, because it did not occur to you to do it. The third and fourth options work with any type of question.

If you select option #3, you may want to consult the internet or talk to some friends to figure out the proper way to articulate an answer.

Option #4 applies when you are pretty sure what the answer is, but you want to examine the evidence and possibly consult a few people prior to giving a definitive answer. It is most likely to apply to simple yes or no questions, but it could apply to open ended questions too.

There is my plan for what to do if someone asks you a question and you do not know how to answer it. Do you think that it is a good plan? If not, tell me what you think a better plan would be.

I find myself holding back myself intentionally at times from expressing my feelings. I don't mean crying or sharing my emotions but things like laughing. When I laugh i intentionally suppress the laugh or smile even though I don't know why.i find it really hard to laugh out loud. I am kind of too insecure even though I know it matters a little even if my voice or laugh is "weird" . What to do?