u/New-Apartment661

I have been trying to get a divorce for over a year now. My soon to be ex- husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. He is 25 years older than me, retired, and he owns a home that he receives rental income along with a social security. We originally agreed with getting an uncontested divorce considering we never owned property, had a joint bank account, filed taxes jointly , and did not have children.
Shortly after he hired a lawyer and blindsided me with asking for spousal support, receiving half of my retirement savings, and pension. I am a teacher and make about double of what he claims on his taxes. He owns a home. I do not. We rented a home while we were together and always split bills 50/50.
I understand that his home is considered separate property. I do not want any money from him. I just want a divorce.
I decided to hire an attorney about 9 months ago and paid a retainer of $5,500. During the past 9 months I have not received the support I needed and have now exhausted the retainer fee. A preliminary hearing has been scheduled and now I need to figure out if I should continue this process in court. I’m probably going to have to pay a lot more to justify why I shouldn’t have to pay my husband around $30,000 in order to get divorced. After getting notified of the court hearing, my husband sent a proposal of a lump sum of $10,000 paid to him instead of going to court. I feel he doesn’t deserve anything from me considering his assets are larger than mine. His home is paid off and he always told me that was his retirement.
My question is: should I take this to court or pay him the lump sum of $10,000? I would have to take a loan from my pension in order to do so.
Thank you for any advice.

I have recently separated from my husband of almost 10 years. I’m trying to get a divorce however he keeps delaying the process. He is 25 years older than me and retired a few years ago. We have always split expenses, rented a home, never had children together (he has adult children from his previous marriage), never had a joint bank account, and filed taxes separately. I am an elementary teacher in a rural community and do not make a lot of money, even after teaching for almost 17 years now. I have a 403 with close to half of what I make in one year’s salary along with a NYState pension.
Since we started the divorce process he has stated he wanted an uncontested divorce but has now changed his stance. He now wants half of my 403 (which is about $20,000), spousal support ($28,000), and half of my pension.
I do not own a home. He does own a home which he has paid off his mortgage (he owned it before we married) and co- owns a summer cottage on a lake (he owned before we married).
I do not want anything from him besides a divorce. I have a lawyer and am not getting the support I feel I should be getting after spending a hefty retainer fee that is almost depleted. If this goes to court I have no idea how much more I’ll have to spend on court/lawyer fees.
My question(s) are:
Has anyone had any similar experiences?
Shouldn’t his assets (property) play a factor when being granted alimony and half of my retirement savings/pension?
*He is retired. On the books he makes around $30,000 from Social Security and rental income. I’m sure he’s been good at managing (hiding) his reported income to the IRS but I do not have any proof of that. My salary is around $66,000 and still have $40,000 in student loan debt to pay off. Thanks to anyone’s experiences or thoughts on the matter.