u/New_Independence948

I used to think I had a pretty average/mild view of things, especially compared to the more extreme stuff and very obviously hurtful people we see. I'm not a bigot or like hateful at the very least. But I've been starting to see patterns in the people and art I enjoy + how the majority of people react or view them, learning how much I never clocked as unhealthy. So been starting to really worry I only resonate with bad people (at the very least the immature and questionable).

It's a enough of a pattern and a subtle thing to me that I worry about pursuing things I find interesting or 'feel right', since there's years of evidence of those feeling being towards bad people and things. And I don't know how much I've been unknowingly passing along.

Does anyone else ever worry about that too? Do you have experience of learning to pick up on healthier things?

There's a significant pattern in my life of 'thing I think is good turns out to actually be bad, things I think are bad turn out to be good'. To clarify I mean like in terms of a major opinion like in my different circles or popular opinion (depending on the topic) on a thing. Basically seems like my values just don't align with my folks, to a degree that doesn't feel like the natural variation.

The stuff that actually hurts is misunderstanding how close a relationship is. Or thinking I was trying to be supportive but actually just made someone uncomfortable or just made it worse for them emotionally. Asking seems to be the best action but still end up messing it up majorly.

Most is probably fairly mild though, but frustrating and confusing. Like thinking I did a good job on something, then learning I completely messed it up or missed the goal (and the opposite). Really enjoying a character/seeing myself in a character, then learning from others about how awful this character is/how they legit mistreated other characters. Similarly thinking a message of a show is positive, but turning out it was badly written and encouraging ideas other people disagree with *heavily.*

I wonder why? And how could I figure out how to be more in line?

Throw away account cause ye

For context in a family of four and have a kinda family business in farming; my father is the main worker, mother does accounting and house chores, brother is an older minor and helps with a majority of like anything (and does online school), I mostly do house chores and the odd job of the farming + dealing with customers when it's in season, cause I'm not as useful. I had a job job back in 2024~ , but lost it. Never made enough money to move out + other issues.

All of us, besides dad to my knowledge, have been looking for a job outside of the farming. But he seems to be upset by that?

Comments like 'well whose going to help me then?' 'we'd new more vehicles' (only have one and it's his), generally pissed off at something. Pushing back hardest on my mom, telling her to move out if she wants a job. While also saying 'no one every helps him' 'we never do anything' etc etc.

I kinda used to think 'oh, guess that makes sense' but as gotten older kinda don't understand any of the logic there, wouldn't bringing in an income infact be helping to a degree and a good move because farming doesn't bring money most of the year?

So I wanted to ask for opinions or advice for navigating this dynamic?

This def a stupider post but like it's one of those things of 'what do I even do with this info' experience and so why not share it to the internet (and asking for some advice later down)

I don't get high often, it's a treat that I like to mix with music and drawing sometimes. This night was one of my first times really greening out. I got freaked because I was convinced I was about to have a seizure so I went to just chill in the recovery position till either calmed down or had a seizure (no history of those btw idk why that was my first thought).

When I started to relax I felt a sorta, how do you say, penetration feeling southwards. I figured it was just from relaxing and the weird state making it feel odd, all I thought was 'ah, now I understand alien probe stories'. I started to realize this was not just my body but a presence with intentions.

For whatever reason I thought which = told him 'yeah, I consent to this, only condition is you stop if I say so' and he explored more and I did enjoy it. It wasn't like a full sexual feeling tho, it was more so like being wrapped in the best blanket ever and being cleansed inside. Just felt natural and normal. It stopped before I got sleepy

...

I know it probably was just my body giving weird sensations from relaxing and euphoria peaking or something but is part of me that sorta believes in spiritual stuff and wonders if this was really bad thing to yes to or what the hell the implications are. And how to keep my energy safer in states like this, just for peace of mind ya know?

Also I don't know enough about this sorta stuff to know if this interaction was as harmless as I think it was. So half this post is genuinely asking

The weirdest part for me was how easily my brain rationalized this as 'oh that's just our lover from our gay days back when', brother what?? Also I'm not a sexual person lmao No drive for it and I don't practically enjoy anything done by someone else but guess ghosts don't count lmao I almost wanna met em again, maybe could get more into it this time, maybe stay for some ghost cuddles

Anyway, have a great day ❤︎