u/New_Needleworker_473

LSS: I got stuck in a 3rd shift job and being a full time SAHM because my stbx refused to contribute anything at all to the household expenses. We separated almost a year ago. I have been looking for that entire time for a day job in the same place that pays a little more so that I can afford childcare. During this year my work converted systems to this micromanaging system that makes it impossible for me to take the nap that was basically getting me through the day. Now I am literally getting 3 hours of sleep in the morning just before my preK kid gets up. In May I applied to a unicorn job that would actually make it all possible IF I got the job, IF they offered me mid range or higher BUT we would have to move. THEN my company announced a merger and pending RIF!! THEN I got thrown under the bus with my entire team by a coworker trying to make himself hero and I got my first ever DAN in my life. It's so clearly an attempt to pile up paperwork to fire people come RIF time. Now I am in panic mode.

Well my first application in May was too late to be sent to hiring manager but the recruiter put me onto another job opening and I put my application in there on 6/15. It's been in hiring manager stage ever since (Hospital systems are soo slow in hiring). I finally just decided screw it and sent out a massive load of applications all over the state.

My STBX is making a lot of drama over me moving. He pays $200/mnth in support. Just childcare and school costs for my kids is $1500/mnth. Except I am not doing daycare because if I did I wouldn't be able to feed and clothe them. My STBX and my in laws are taking this as a personal attack. I am kind of pissed off. If they want me to stay then step up either financially or watch my kid for a few hours so I can SLEEP. AHs all of them.

I don't have a choice. I am basically priced out of living here because there NO JOBs that will pay enough to cover basic costs of living and providing for 2 kids on my own. I have a Master and license as a therapist with 10 years experience. If I get interviewed I get an offer. Every time. This isn't an achievement problem on my part. It's an economic problem I can't solve by living in a place that is too expensive and doesn't have any jobs that allow me to afford to stay.

I don't know what I am asking. I don't think they'll win in court if they try to say I am doing something nefarious. I am not. If he wants 50/50 he can have it and he can pay 50/50 for their expenses. My kids do NOT want to live with their dad. I proposed living out of my car and working two jobs to support them living with him but they don't want that. I don't either but I don't know what do to. I am literally going to lose my job. I am just being a responsible adult by applying and trying to find a livable wage that allows me to support my kids. I don't qualify for any assistance. I make 80K. Even if I took the 65K job and couldn't afford basic living expenses I would not qualify for assistance of any kind. What do I do to protect myself and my kids if my in laws decide to pay for a lawyer when I finally land a job and we move? I have run the numbers a million different ways. I will have to cash put all my retirement pension and 401K just to make it no matter what, even with a higher paying job. I feel royally screwed here.

So here is the basic background: I took a job working 3rd shift several years ago. I slept while my son was in school and it was great. Then I got pregnant with my Covid/GLP-1 surprise baby. My stbx agreed to watch her mornings so I could sleep. He taught like 1 or 2 classes in the afternoon at the time. Well LSS he bailed on us. I endd up having to create work around to get sleep. I seperated from him 3 years later after getting him stable employment. I am.not sure how I have been surviving on 4 to 5 hours of sleep for 4 years but it's not sustainable anymore. My workplace is in a merger, threatening us, getting toxic. I need out. I tried applying locally but I just can't find anything that covers our basic expenses. My ex pays $200/mnth in support. It's basically a week of groceries. It's not doing a whole lot. I have to extend my applications to pretty much the entire state. I can't even be selective at this point. I am running down the clock to either getting let go or ending up really sick due to lack of sleep. I have no village. I am on my own here. My stbx and his family want me to fail or better yet just die so they take my life insurance and my kids. My 12m is entering 7th grade. He's nervous about middle school. Understandable. I am spiralling. I am struggling to hold it together. It's totally apparent no matter how hard I try to hide it. I am worried we will be homeless or worse. So how the heck am zi supposed to project optimism? How do I tell them we're moving but I don't know where yet? How do I navigate this without losing my mind?

I have been trying so hard to unfuck my life starting with separation a year ago. It is all coming to a head and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I have been looking for a new job for literal years but there's nothing out there that fits my stringent requirements for PSLF and salary. So I have been coasting along in my current position just hoping something pops up. Well finally there's a job opening. I applied 4 weeks ago and my application has been in the hiring manager stage for a week now. 3 weeks ago it was announced at my current job that our company is being absorbed by another and there wil be RIFs coming in October. About 2 weeks ago there was a system wide issue that only 1 person noticed on our shift (and didn't bother to communicate with the rest if staff...just let us all get in trouble...probably because of the announced RIF). Now I have a DAN meeting with HR in the morning. Ya'll it was a technological issue, not a human issue first of all and second this has happened a lot in my 6 years and typically we contact each other to make sure we're all resolving it. No one has ever cared and in 6 years I have never been disciplined for it. Clearly this is just a paper trail building process to make it look like performance based firing instead of what it really is. AND I'm like on the edge of possibly finding a new job. Plus I can finally file in 5 weeks for divorce BUT all this shit! Ahhhh!!! And yeah my ex is useless and has no custody of the kids and pays for nothing. So this is all on me. I am struggling so hard to keep it together!

Any recommendations on childcare/preK for a 4 year old in the area? My ability to accept a job at Pardee hinges on finding preK care for my youngest. Where I live the preK's are difficult to get into and are typically full before the previous school year ends. I need full day. Any help on where to start searching would be great. Thank-you!

I keep coming across the same type leaving the type. One partner is hardworking and pulls all the weight while the other exists oblivious to the hard work required to maintain life. This is rhe relationship dynamic of my STBX and I.

He is utterly oblivious to hard work and feels entitled to others doing FOR him with no effort on his part. He continues to think that he has been cheated by life when in fact he is the only one to blame for not putting any effort into achieving anything. It's like he has always viewed himself as a rich trust fund kid instead of a working class kid, like he was raised. In my childhood I experienced being poor, middle class and upper class as my parents worked hard to climb the ladder. My STBX was always middle class but his parents were private school teachers and he got free tuition as a result so he grew up surrounded by your classic upper class trust fund babies. Maybe that's why he is this way? But that can't be everyone's story and there's a lot of people divorcing in the same position.

It's made me question things....like what's wrong with me that I didn't spot this behavior pattern earlier? Is there a cultural phenomenon I am unaware of? Is this as prevalent in society as it appears? Is it a generational thing? What's actually happening that creates this dynamic? And most importantly, how do I protect myself from inviting more people like this into my inner circle?

So I just noticed this because my 3f is obsessed with princesses...Disney just added a collection of songs with the animated character doing the ASL signs for the song. It's so awesome!! I wanted to share for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. ❤️