u/Newmomaboma

About 15 years ago I met up with a guy I didnt know well when I was a freshman in college and a virgin. I cringe when I think of this qnd try to block the memory but a recent sexual assault has me thinking about it.

We were in his car talking after going to a movie theater. He immediately started to compliment me and say I was beautiful which I liked since I was a shy attention-starved girl. But then he started to touch me etc and I said no sex because im a virgin. He convinced me to like get on my knees in the 2nd row of his car so I was like doggy style position. He said he just wanted to see. I wqs dumb and felt obligated but I did tell him no sex. I was kinda trapped in the position I was in because it was a cramped car

He started to touch it and I was not saying anything even tho I didnt want him to do that but I guess in my mind his finger wasn't a big deal. But then suddenly I felt something different and realized it wasnt just his finger. I freaked out and blocked it out. I remember going to class and convincing myself I imagined it and it was just his finger...but it hurt and there was blood.

Does that count as one of the times ive had sex? It hurts me too much to believe that I lost my virginity like that so I tell myself it was nothing or like didjt happen even tho it did happen.

Does it count as SA? I told him no sex and expected he was just touching me/looking like he said

I’m a mom with a 4-year-old (with autism) and a 2-year-old. We were very close with our former daycare lady and her family, especially their daughters who are high school and college age. They felt like our main support system since my mom died by suicide years ago.

Last month, I was sexually assaulted by daycare lady's husband. I took a leave of absence from my teaching job. It's triggered some trauma from past sexual assaults. He lives nextdoor and we said hi one day when my kids dressed up as princesses. I wore makeup and a nice dress for the 1st time in months. 20 mins after we drove off, he called and said i am beautiful and he has always wanted me. We had barely talked over the years so i was shocked. I panicked and wanted to make sure i was clear about not being interested, so I went outside when we got back to naively try to shut it down. Stupidly, we ended up alone in my garage. He was approaching and I said "no, I just want to talk. Stay there. Whatever youre interested in cant happen i love your family." He said it would be a secret and he always has wanted me etc. He held my shoulders so i couldnt move, kissed me, took my top down, put his mouth on my chest. I got away by saying i saw a dog out the window.

I told my husband that night. The guy denied it first then admitted some of it but called it a “misunderstanding.” Daycare lady texted me to ask to keep things the same as before, but I said i needed space and we haven’t talked about it since that. A few times we ran into eachother outside and made awkward small talk. I know they told their oldest daughter some version it
I dunno if we should move to a different house or even if my decision to choose the neighborhood school closeby was the right choice for my preschool aged daughter. I dont wanna be reminded every time I go to my garage. If we move, where is my kid going to school in the fall?! Should i get it over with now to find a new school community before elementary school stage to start fresh? I'm too burned out to begin researching schools all over again.

My brain tells me maybe what happened wasnt that big of a deal or I overreacted. Also, we actually bought the house they live in to help them find a new place to live a few years ago. They had a bad living situation before so they were renting to hopefully own some day. We have to either wait till their lease ends in Dec or force them to go sooner. They would prefer to stay of course. I know I could've called the police on him but he is the breadwinner for his family and I worry about things like what if his daughter has to drop out of college to make ends meet for their family? Another worry is their safety as they are an immigrant family (undocumented). My brain loops worst-case scenarios like them getting detained by ICE etc.

How do you stop a brain from nonstop looping? How do you make decisions when you feel responsible for everyone? How do you handle cutting ties with kids involved? Would you move or stay? Keep their daughters in my kids' lives with boundaries in place (like only visits at our house) or just let it all go?

I’m a mom with a 4-year-old (with autism) and a 2-year-old. We were very close with our former daycare lady and her family, especially their daughters who are high school and college age. They felt like our main support system since my mom died by suicide years ago.

Last month, I was sexually assaulted by daycare lady's husband. I took a leave of absence from my teaching job. It's triggered some trauma from past sexual assaults. He lives nextdoor and we said hi one day when my kids dressed up as princesses. I wore makeup and a nice dress for the 1st time in months. 20 mins after we drove off, he called and said i am beautiful and he has always wanted me. We had barely talked over the years so i was shocked. I panicked and wanted to make sure i was clear about not being interested, so I went outside when we got back to naively try to shut it down. Stupidly, we ended up alone in my garage. He was approaching and I said "no, I just want to talk. Stay there. Whatever youre interested in cant happen i love your family." He said it would be a secret and he always has wanted me etc. He held my shoulders so i couldnt move, kissed me, took my top down, put his mouth on my chest. I got away by saying i saw a dog out the window.

I told my husband that night. The guy denied it first then admitted some of it but called it a “misunderstanding.” Daycare lady texted me to ask to keep things the same as before, but I said i needed space and we haven’t talked about it since that. A few times we ran into eachother outside and made awkward small talk. I know they told their oldest daughter some version it
I dunno if we should move to a different house or even if my decision to choose the neighborhood school closeby was the right choice for my preschool aged daughter. I dont wanna be reminded every time I go to my garage. If we move, where is my kid going to school in the fall?! Should i get it over with now to find a new school community before elementary school stage to start fresh? I'm too burned out to begin researching schools all over again.

My brain tells me maybe what happened wasnt that big of a deal or I overreacted. Also, we actually bought the house they live in to help them find a new place to live a few years ago. They had a bad living situation before so they were renting to hopefully own some day. We have to either wait till their lease ends in Dec or force them to go sooner. They would prefer to stay of course. I know I could've called the police on him but he is the breadwinner for his family and I worry about things like what if his daughter has to drop out of college to make ends meet for their family? Another worry is their safety as they are an immigrant family (undocumented). My brain loops worst-case scenarios like them getting detained by ICE etc.

How do you stop a brain from nonstop looping? How do you make decisions when you feel responsible for everyone? How do you handle cutting ties with kids involved? Would you move or stay? Keep their daughters in my kids' lives with boundaries in place (like only visits at our house) or just let it all go?

I’m a mom with a 4-year-old (with autism) and a 2-year-old. We were very close with our former daycare lady and her family, especially their daughters who are high school and college age. They felt like our main support system since my mom died by suicide years ago.

Last month, I was sexually assaulted by daycare lady's husband. I took a leave of absence from my teaching job. It's triggered some trauma from past sexual assaults. He lives nextdoor and we said hi one day when my kids dressed up as princesses. I wore makeup and a nice dress for the 1st time in months. 20 mins after we drove off, he called and said i am beautiful and he has always wanted me. We had barely talked over the years so i was shocked. I panicked and wanted to make sure i was clear about not being interested, so I went outside when we got back to naively try to shut it down. Stupidly, we ended up alone in my garage. He was approaching and I said "no, I just want to talk. Stay there. Whatever youre interested in cant happen i love your family." He said it would be a secret and he always has wanted me etc. He held my shoulders so i couldnt move, kissed me, took my top down, put his mouth on my chest. I got away by saying i saw a dog out the window.

I told my husband that night. The guy denied it first then admitted some of it but called it a “misunderstanding.” Daycare lady texted me to ask to keep things the same as before, but I said i needed space and we haven’t talked about it since that. A few times we ran into eachother outside and made awkward small talk. I know they told their oldest daughter some version it I dunno if we should move to a different house or even if my decision to choose the neighborhood school closeby was the right choice for my preschool aged daughter. I dont wanna be reminded every time I go to my garage. If we move, where is my kid going to school in the fall?! Should i get it over with now to find a new school community before elementary school stage to start fresh? I'm too burned out to begin researching schools all over again.

My brain tells me maybe what happened wasnt that big of a deal or I overreacted. Also, we actually bought the house they live in to help them find a new place to live a few years ago. They had a bad living situation before so they were renting to hopefully own some day. We have to either wait till their lease ends in Dec or force them to go sooner. They would prefer to stay of course. I know I could've called the police on him but he is the breadwinner for his family and I worry about things like what if his daughter has to drop out of college to make ends meet for their family? Another worry is their safety as they are an immigrant family (undocumented). My brain loops worst-case scenarios like them getting detained by ICE etc.

How do you stop a brain from nonstop looping? How do you make decisions when you feel responsible for everyone? How do you handle cutting ties with kids involved? Would you move or stay? Keep their daughters in my kids' lives with boundaries in place (like only visits at our house) or just let it all go?