u/No-Beautiful1559

Honestly, before this, I never really cared about having parent friends because that just… wasn’t my world. My social circle has always been creatives, academics, artists, queer people, alternative people etc (mostly childfree or childless by choice). I’ve never been someone who naturally gravitates toward kids, playgroups, “mum culture,” or the whole lifestyle that seems to come with parenting. I don’t dislike children in a cruel way, I just never felt drawn to that world. I know I’ll love my own child deeply, but I still don’t suddenly feel like a “kids person.”

Now that I’m pregnant, I feel like everyone around me expects this instant transformation into a very specific kind of woman. My family keep asking things like “When’s the baby shower?” and talking as if I should suddenly have this huge network of excited mum friends organising things for me. But the truth is… I don’t.

My existing friends aren’t being horrible at all, but they also don’t seem especially involved or emotionally invested in the pregnancy. I understand why… it’s not really relevant to their lives and they don’t have experience with it. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a bit. I’m scared we’re going to drift apart as my life changes.

At the same time, I also feel resistant to fully immersing myself in stereotypical parenting spaces because I don’t feel like I belong there either. I don’t want to lose the parts of myself that existed before pregnancy. I still want to be “me,” not become consumed by “mum identity.” But I also know realistically I’ll probably need some new connections and support from people who understand this stage of life.

I guess I’m struggling with feeling “between worlds”…not fully fitting into childfree life anymore, but not naturally fitting into traditional mum culture either.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you eventually find your people? How did you maintain your identity and friendships while also adapting to parenthood?

I was a fencesitter for a long time, and now that I’m entering my third trimester, I keep getting waves of fear that I’ve made a mistake.

I’m in my late 30s and it started to feel like a “now or never” situation. I never had a huge lifelong dream of motherhood, but I also knew I’d probably never feel fully ready. Over the last few years, I’d started feeling like my life was missing something or needed a new direction. Things that used to excite me socially were starting to lose their shine a bit, and while my job is fine, it’s never been something I deeply identified with.

My partner is very excited to become a parent and I know they’ll be great at it, which was part of what nudged me off the fence.

But now that it’s becoming real, I feel terrified.

I keep romanticising my old life and grieving freedoms I haven’t even lost yet. I think about lazy weekends, spontaneous plans with friends, evenings spent gaming or relaxing with my partner, and being able to decide on a whim to go out or do something fun. I’d also only recently started getting into new hobbies and activities, and now I’m scared those parts of me will disappear because I won’t have the time, money, or freedom anymore.

One of the biggest things weighing on me is our dog. We’ve had a very close bond for years and I’m terrified of that relationship changing after the baby arrives. I keep catastrophising about things going badly and it genuinely makes me panic.

Another thing making me spiral is visiting childcare settings lately. I already struggle with sensory overwhelm, and being around lots of noise, bright colours, children and stressed parents leaves me feeling anxious rather than excited. I also look at some parents and worry they’ve completely lost themselves to the “mum” role, and I’m scared of that happening to me too.

Most of my friends are still able to be spontaneous and social, and I’m mourning the fact that my life is about to become much more restricted and structured.

I know some of this is probably fear of change and grief for my old life, but right now it feels overwhelming. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who were fencesitters or ambivalent about parenthood, especially anyone who worried about losing themselves, their relationship, their hobbies, or their independence.

Did things improve once the baby was actually here? Did you eventually feel like yourself again?

Whenever a small dog is playing, or generally being active, our lurcher becomes really alert and struggles to relax. This is tough as our family and friends all have small dogs so we’d love to be able
to integrate them.
He’ll do lots of staring, following, darting over, panting, trying to engage, etc.
It doesn’t seem outright aggressive, more like intense overexcitement/obsession, but obviously it’s stressful for the smaller dog and difficult to manage constantly.
Just wondering if this is something other sighthound owners have experienced and whether there are good ways to help them learn to switch off and stay calm around smaller dogs moving around the house?

We’re really struggling with our dog becoming super territorial/reactive around our garden and could really use some advice.

We only have a small outdoor space, and our dog used to absolutely love being out there…. playing, sniffing around, sunbathing, relaxing. But over time it’s become a huge source of stress and anxiety for her.

The main issue is our neighbour’s dog. Their dog constantly comes right up to the fence, presses against it, and seems to deliberately provoke our dog. Their dog is tiny and quiet, whereas ours is large and loud, so naturally our dog comes across as the “aggressive” one even though it feels like she’s constantly being wound up.

It’s escalated a lot recently. We also get squirrels and cats coming near the garden, which never used to bother her much, but now she completely loses it whenever anything comes close to the fence or passes nearby. She’s become reactive on walks too.

The hardest part is that when she can’t get to whatever is frustrating her, she redirects that energy onto us accidentally: tangling us in the lead, scratching us, accidental nips, knocking us over, etc. It doesn’t feel malicious at all, just like she’s massively overstimulated and frustrated.

We’re especially worried because we have a baby on the way, and we really don’t want her living in a constant state of stress or becoming harder to manage safely.

For context, she’s a large sighthound/lurcher type, around 3.5 years old, very energetic and very emotionally sensitive.

I’ve had my dog for 4 years and he is my absolute world. He’s genuinely such a lovely boy… most of the time his temperament is amazing and people always comment on how sweet, gentle, and well-natured he is. That’s what makes this all so confusing and heartbreaking.

From day one, I made a promise to myself that I would never give up on him. He’s a large, playful breed and as a puppy he was hard work, lots of jumping up and nipping on walks, getting overexcited with other dogs, and playing too rough (“bitey face” style). People often misunderstood him and thought he was aggressive, but I knew he just wanted to play.

I stuck with him through all of it. Daily walks, consistent training, rewarding calm behaviour, and it worked. Over time he matured, the biting stopped, and he became so much more relaxed and obedient.

But in the last 7–8 months something has changed. He’s become reactive to other dogs in a way that feels very different. It’s not playful anymore, it’s intense. Growling, snarling, lunging, getting completely overwhelmed. Walks are starting to feel scary again. It’s not every dog, mainly smaller scrappier dogs. The vet checked him out and found no underlying causes and just said that some breeds get more selectively reactive as they mature.

At home, he is still that same gentle, affectionate dog everyone loves. That hasn’t changed at all.

The complication is that I’m currently 6 months pregnant. It’s been a stressful pregnancy, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s part of this… whether he’s picking up on my anxiety or becoming more protective of me.

Yesterday really shook me. He reacted badly to another dog and ended up biting me through redirected aggression. It didn’t leave a mark, but it scared me. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I saw a different side of him. And it made me think about worst-case scenarios, especially with a baby on the way.

I’ve already contacted a behaviourist and I’m committed to doing everything I can to work through this.

But I’m also exhausted (physically and emotionally) and I know my capacity is only going to be more stretched when the baby arrives. I’m terrified that if things don’t improve, I might be forced into a decision I never, ever wanted to make.

And that thought is breaking me.

Right now he’s curled up next to me, soft and gentle as ever, completely unaware of any of this. I’m his whole world. I’m his mum. The idea of failing him feels unbearable.

Comparing dog temperaments. Where does your dog fall on these traits?

I’m curious how different dogs compare temperament-wise, as I don’t have many dog-owner friends to benchmark against.

I’ve filled this out for my dog below… would love if others shared theirs too so I can see how we all stack up!

My dog:

\- Breed: Lurcher

\- Sex: Female

\- Spayed/neutered: Yes

\- Age: 3.5

\- Lives with other pets? No

\- Lives with small children? No

\- Attachment: Medium (likes being near us but can nap in another room)

\- Friendliness with strangers: Good, if sometimes a little shy

\- Energy/playfulness: High in bursts (initiates games, gets bored if ignored too long), but then sleeps for most of the day

\- Obedience: Medium–high (\~80% but selective when distracted)

\- Prey drive: Very high (cats = full intensity, will chase/kill small animals)

\- Reactivity (dogs): Mixed (some she loves, some she ignores, some she reacts to if they approach quickly)

\- Noise sensitivity (fireworks, thunder, loud sounds): very high

\- Busy environments (crowds, markets, town centres): Medium–high (can get overwhelmed)

\- Handling/grooming (baths, nails, vet): very high (really dislikes it)

\- Separation anxiety (being left alone): Low (can do 4–5 hours fine)

\- Settle in public (cafés/pubs): Medium–low (can do it with rewards but gets restless)

\- High maintenance overall: Medium

Quirks: loves being chased, overly friendly with guests (face licking), hates being wet, gets very excited when we come home

\---

If you’re up for it, I’d love to hear yours:

\- Breed (or mix):

\- Age:

\- Spayed/neutered: Yes

\- Lives with other pets?

\- Lives with small children?

\- Attachment:

\- Energy/playfulness:

\- Friendliness with strangers:

\- Obedience:

\- Prey drive:

\- Reactivity (dogs):

\- Noise sensitivity:

\- Busy environments:

\- Handling/grooming:

\- Separation:

\- Settle in public:

\- High maintenance:

My baby is due late summer and lately I’ve come across posts about pet aversion and it’s really scared me. So many people say they were huge dog lovers before having a baby, then suddenly felt irritated or resentful, with some even rehoming. I’ve always said my dog is my world, so the idea of feeling like that is really upsetting.

I’m starting to think about how to help my large dog adjust. She doesn’t have much experience with kids and can be a bit anxious, so I’m nervous about how she’ll adapt.

We’re planning to put up gates so everyone has their own space, and I’m working on getting her used to being alone more. We’re also hoping to budget for a dog walker once or twice a week. My partner works from home and will take on more of the dog responsibilities while I focus on the baby.

I do wonder if I’ve coddled her a bit, as she’s always had free rein of the house, sleeps with us, and we’re almost always home. I worry the adjustment might be hard, but I’m reassured I won’t be doing this alone since my partner is around, unlike a lot of the situations I’ve read.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through this. Did you experience pet aversion, how long did it last, and did anything help? I just want to make this transition as smooth as possible for all of us.

Me and my partner are about to step into parenthood, and I’ve been feeling a real sense of grief about how much our lifestyle will change. I know that’s normal, but I want to be realistic and start adjusting my expectations now rather than feeling blindsided later.

At the moment, we both work 9-5 (mostly WFH), and outside of that we have quite a full life. We both like to game a few evenings a week, we socialise fairly regularly (drinks, cinema, local events), go to the gym a few times a week, and spend a lot of time with our dog. I also like doing creative things like drawing, and in summer I go paddleboarding.

I think what’s getting to me is the loss of freedom and the ability to just follow what I feel like doing. I’m also worried about how we’ll balance everything that matters to us: our relationship, our dog, staying healthy, and still seeing friends occasionally.

I don’t expect to keep everything the same, but I’m trying to understand what realistically changes the most, and what I might need to let go of (or scale back) so I can come to terms with it.

For those who’ve been through it, what expectations did you have to adjust? And what actually didn’t disappear as much as you thought it would?

I’m pregnant and getting a lot of comments saying I should rehome my dog before the baby arrives, and it’s honestly breaking my heart.

I’ve had my dog since she was a puppy. She’s 62lbs with a really lovely temperament. She’s mostly very chilled and happy to snooze on the sofa after a good walk, but she does have bursts of excitement where she zooms around and can be a bit clumsy.

I would never leave her alone with a baby and I’d always supervise. But I really want her to be part of our family as our child grows, not shut away.

The concerns people raise are that she’s anxious with loud noises, has a strong prey drive, and can be reactive to some dogs. She’s never shown any aggression towards people and is generally very friendly. She has little experience around children.

I just feel really torn between doing what’s safest and not giving up a dog who means everything to me. Has anyone been in a similar situation?