u/No-Beginning-1146

Really.

Boop!

Please excuse me if I’m all over the place with this vent. And it’s kinda long winded. It’s hard to keep my thoughts in order sometimes and i apologize now.
My mama has vascular dementia and she can’t recall almost immediately after we talk about something or if she asks me the same question after just asking. I don’t mind that, she can ask a million times I’ll still answer her every time. She calls me 10-15 times to tell me she loves me and she’s going to bed. The same thing…”I just wanted to tell you I love you and I’m going to bed.” I dont say “you just called “ I realize I’m on borrowed time with her. She’s my entire world. A year ago I was trying to do everything for her. My brother and his daughter are bipolar schizophrenic and they are untreated and of no help at all. Her other son doesn’t speak to us and hasn’t for 30 + years. He quit coming around with papers for her to sign or to ask for money or something out of her home so I wouldn’t call him if I was on fire.
After two years I got my mama approved for a caregiver in her home 35 hours per week which absolutely took alot of weight off my shoulders. She’s at the extreme for needs and from 930-430 m- f a caregiver is with her. A doctor declared mama doesn’t have capacity which I’ve known for awhile but kept holding out that she would snap out of it or come around. I’m her health care surrogate and Dpoa. Her PCP has been so helpful getting her what she needs in every aspect. I look to him to help me make sure that I am doing everything I can to make her path and steps as cushy as can be.
Here we go . The first caregiver said straight off the bat that my mama was her number one priority and that she was really proud of her ability to clean and organize. She started doing mamas nails and hair and then one day mama told me she stopped doing her nails and stopped helping to do her hair.
Mama fell and was in the hospital and this girl asked if she could go visit with mama and I thought wow she really is making sure my mamas needs are met even at the hospital. Then mama said she signed papers and the girl left. So I called and asked her exactly what she had mama sign. It was her work log and she needed mama to sign off on them again. I don’t know why she was having mama sign. Mama had no clue what she signed. She wasn’t visiting mama. She was there for her own needs and that rubbed me the wrong way. Then one day she said she needed a second client because she needed money. They pay 17-20 an hour to sit with my mama and help with her daily needs.
I’m like a pitbull chihuahua…let me find out in any way you are thinking she’s a commodity or that you are talking money and matters that don’t concern my mama because she will key in on things she hears people talk about. The last straw was when the caregiver said her two boys were sick and they were very sick. Within one day my mama got sick and she spent the entire month of February in the hospital because she caught the virus and it exacerbated her asthma. I know boys aren’t exactly sterile they snot everywhere lol and mama hadn’t left the apartment so in my mind this lady brought the sickness to mama by not taking extra precautions with her snot kids. I fired her. I fired her and walked away because I will catch charges for mama. She was a surface cleaner. I deep clean. She was filthy in my eyes.
This second caregiver on her day two asked if she could bring laundry to dry. She had my mama out in her car driving around doing her errands not mamas. She went on vacation ten days and ever since she got back it’s something every week. Friday she wanted to go to chic fil a for a lunch promotion 1130-1230 and she said her friend was buying pool passes and she had to be physically there to do that. They close at 3 she couldn’t go after work.
I don’t mind if someone is hungry to eat but every day she’s eating mamas food and asking me for sprite. I messaged her this past Friday and said I could give two shits (sorry for the word there)she wants to go swimming. She was not giving my mama the hours she was supposed to. She was showing up late and leaving early and having my mama sign off on paperwork I haven’t seen. Im firing her today with her supervisor present. My mama shouldn’t have to hear anything about this persons personal life. I don’t care what she has going on. From 930 to 430 it’s all about mama.
I voice my opinion and whst I expect for my mamas daily activities loud and clear. Within five minutes of meeting me you’ll find that my mama comes first. No question. Not me, not a caregiver, not even her beloved doctor.
I know I absolutely am ridiculous and I’m sorry you had to read all that stuff.