u/No-Meringue-9432

Some of the sweetest most amazing people have tried to reach me and open my eyes about this whole thing. People who genuinely care about me. I can only ignore their care for so long enough.

I can’t justify this anymore. I refuse to rationalize it. I’ve worked hard to become a person that is defined by their values.

Anyone reading my posts can see my love is true. Unfortunately, love isn’t enough. Every string of attachment is expensive and they’re attached like fishhooks in my soul. It’s time to take them out and let them go.

Life is so good right now. It’s been so long since I’ve felt such peace and contentment and motivation to live life.

I still love you. I think you’re a remarkable person but I value myself and I’ll never allow myself to go back to that place where I was so low.

I have to let you go. It’s a self respect thing. I feel for you and your pain. I want to make it better but this just isn’t working.

I’m sad. But I’m not diminished. We’ll talk tomorrow I’m sure of it. Fuck I’m not looking forward to this pain.

Peeked the other day. Too scared to step into the light and speak. It made me smile. I wish you the best. I believe one day you will find your reckoning. The balancing of the scales. Until then you can stay in the shadows. It really comes down to your anxiety no matter how much you cover it up with rationalizations and justifications. I just smile, take a deep breath, and shake my head. Whenever you’re ready…

-B

Yeah right. You’re fake and you don’t ever mean what you say so why don’t you drop the pretense and just be authentic for once? You lost. ✌️

I don’t compromise on my self respect and self worth. I sure as shit won’t betray myself anymore to just be an afterthought. Take care of yourself.

It’s been a long time. After the way I threw myself and our business out there for everyone to see I had to disappear. It’s so embarrassing being so vulnerable but I gotta tell you I learned a lot over the last few years we’ve been apart.

I faced my own shadow you know? All those things that were destroying me from within I chased each one of them down. I conquered them. It’s crazy how far I was willing to go to die just to come back. Whoever called it the dark night of the soul short changed it by at least 40 days and nights…at most years.

I’m not angry with you anymore. It doesn’t hurt me to understand or look back either.

After talking with a few people, I got a much wider lens view of you. It makes me sad how your life has been. It’s so ironic the very lesson that you taught me about holding space for shame and shadow is the very thing that you need for yourself.

You pulled out all the stops when it came to criticizing me, condemning me, betraying me, and bringing me lower. The truth is: you just didn’t have the capacity to accept me for who I am. To sit with me in that darkness. I definitely didn’t have that capacity for you at the time we were together because I didn’t even have it for myself. It’s tragic. But what’s done is done and can’t be undone.

Spilt milk.

I hope you’re out there in the world manifesting your greatness. Developing your artwork through radical self expression. I hope you’re mending your wounds instead of hiding from yourself and hiding yourself from the world.

Most of all, I hope your heart is beating strong.

I will love you from the void too impossible to cross.

Always,

Haloka

You know what you want. You know what you need to do to have it. Make a decision. Take back the power you give away by choosing yourself ffs. See you at the crossroads.

You drive me wild. I see the you underneath. How you’re on autopilot and going through the motions. I can see how you’re doing things and you don’t understand how it’s hurting you. I’m seeing you in a way that’s special and unique because we didn’t meet under the usual circumstances. I’m looking behind the curtain and under the hood and I can see it all. It’s a fragile space to be. You’ve let me see all the ugly stuff and character flaws. You show me your insecurities and what’s stressing you. All I feel is compassion and love for you. I can hold this space for you. I can sit with your darkness. Every red flag plain to see and it doesn’t frighten me because I also see the beauty of who you are. I don’t seek to possess you babe… I want you to run along side me. I don’t want to change a thing.