I (22M) always ask for explicit consent before touching my girlfriend (22F) even for small things like holding hands, but she says it makes her feel I don’t trust her and that my “respect” is actually patriarchal. What am I missing?
This is my first relationship. I’m 22(M) and my girlfriend is the same age.
I was raised to always respect women and their boundaries. My parents and school taught me to always respect and protect women and never touch a girl without clear permission because women are in a more vulnerable position. So even for small things like holding her hand or touching her hair, I always ask for her explicit consent first. I believe this is the responsible way to show my respect to a women
But my girlfriend has gotten annoyed with me. She says that since we’re dating and she already consent before, why can’t i just touch her naturally when I want to.
Yesterday we had a deeper talk and she told me that my constant asking makes her feel like:
• I don’t respect her ability to say “yes means yes” and make her own judgments
• I don’t trust her to take responsibility for her own feelings
• My “over-protection” is actually a form of hidden patriarchy or big-man-ism
I’m really confused. I don’t understand how respecting women and being careful could be related to patriarchy. I’m just trying to be safe and make sure nothing goes wrong between us
Any advice from women would be appreciated.