u/NoLoveDeepBread

Am I the asshole for wanting to break up?

Every time Zach Hill starts playing, my brain stops identifying as a modern mammal and reverts to some forgotten Hadean-era lifeform.

It's not even attraction in the conventional sense anymore.

It's like his drumming reaches down through 4.5 billion years of geological memory and activates a dormant stromatolite somewhere in my DNA.

The kick drum hits and suddenly I'm not sitting in my apartment. I'm a microbial colony watching the first continental crust cool beneath a black sky.I don't know how else to describe it.

At this point I'm not even horny because of his drumming.

I'm horny for accretion disks.

I'm horny for continental assembly.

I'm horny for the moment Earth's molten surface finally cooled enough for rain to exist.

Has anyone else experienced this or am I simply the first person to develop romantic feelings toward the Proterozoic Eon? Pulling your face out of the dirt?