my mom is constantly worried my dad and i are having an inappropriate relationship and it has caused distance between my dad and i. what can i do to assure her we are not?
for context, i am currently 25 and my dad is 50. my mom 46 or so.
when i was around 6, i, like many other girls around that age, said i had a crush on my dad, not even really knowing what having a crush meant. i just knew he was a nice person who played toys with me and made me happy. obviously once i grew up and realized what having a crush meant, i did NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES have a crush on my own father. however, while i was growing up (Teen years) she would occasionally bring this up and ask me why i said this kind of in a "joking manner". i found it weird she kept bringing up something i said when i was 6 but i would just be like "im not sure haha i was really young i didnt know what that even meant", but she would still ask me after that sometimes.
then, in high school, my parents slept seperately during the weekdays because my mom had just given birth to my brother who would wake up a lot in the middle of the night and my dad had to get up at 3am for work. most of our bed linens, towels, and toilet paper were stored in my parents master closet downstairs. i stayed up late on weekends so my dad would leave the door unlocked for me in case i needed to grab anything. i remember one night before using the restroom i realized i ran out of toilet paper so i went downstairs to the master bedroom/ the bedroom my dad was sleeping in, and tried to grab some. my mom heard me and came downstairs to check what i was doing, then asked why i was in his room so late at night. i told her i was grabbing toilet paper and she kind of eyed me and asked why my pajamas were on inside out (when i am at home i dont really care about my pajamas being inside out or the correct way when i put them on, kind of weird i know but im just careless about that honestly). i explained to her why and then i jsut went upstairs after that. my pajamas are either shorts and a tank top, a big shirt with shorts, or a night dress. she would complain about all of them and ask me to put on something that covers more. meanwhile she would wear the exact same thing and it was ok???
all throughout highschool when i would go down to my dads room to grab anything while he was asleep, she would leave her and my brothers room upstairs and go downstairs to see what i was doing if she heard me walk down the stairs. i didn't really mind it too much but just found it a bit weird. if i was wearing a shirt where you could see the outline of my body too much, or if i was wearing a dress that was shorter than knee length, she would always tell me to cover up around my dad. i remember coming home from a school dance once, and my dress was just above my knee, but when i would sit it would rise slightly up to my thighs (it looked kind of like this dress) . my mom freaked out and gave me a blanket when i sat down in the car, even though it was just my mom, my dad, and i in the car. she told me she doesn't want me in that dress around my dad anymore. my dad has never once been weird to me by the way. we got in an argument about this once, and i asked her why she would tell me to cover up when dad is perfectly normal and what im wearing is perfectly normal, and she said because she "wants to prevent things from happening". i asked what things, and she said she doesn't want to talk about it, but out of respect for her i should cover up around my dad. like what?? we went back and forth and she kept saying i need to just respect her and cover up around my dad. genuinely what the hell . i got tired of arguing w her so i just didn't wear that dress again.
then i moved out after i graduated college and currently live with my fiance. we got this apt bc its 10 mins from mine and my fiance's work, and my apartment just so happens to be 5 mins from where my dad works. my dad offered to come help with setting furniture up because he works so closeby. when he came by, my fiance wasn't home from work yet, so we just set up furniture together alone. my mom found out it was just my dad and i alone in my apartment, and went off on him. called me after she went off to him and she was so mad , asking me why my fiance wasn't there and where he was. now, my dad won't even come into my apartment if hes alone. he left his lunch at home the other day, i offered lunch at my place, and he refuses to come. i had to give something to him yesterday, and he facetimed my mom the whole time he was in the parking lot of my apartment, showing her the front camera and how he was parked outside my apartment, not going in.
i used to bring lunches for him sometimes on days id be off work. i made him beef stew a while ago and he loved it, so much that he would ask me for a plate whenever he knew i was making it, so i would bring it to him occasionally during his lunch. my mom found out and has since told me to stop doing this, and she said he "hates it but just eats it to be polite". if that was the case, why would he ASK for some multiple times? its not like i offered it first. after that, i tried offering him a bowl after i made some the other day, and suddenly he said he doesn't want any.
although neither of us explicitly say it, i feel like my mom thinks there is something more going on between my dad and i, and she addresses it by trying to distance us. typing this out made me sad, kind of hurt in a way because i feel like my dad and i have done nothing to deserve this. i don't want my relationship with my dad to become nonexistent because my mom thinks we have something else going on when we very much do not. anyone know why she might feel this way and what can i do to assure her we are not?