I feel like I’m not prioritised enough in my relationship- pls advice
So we started dating a year ago, together 8 months. We are mid 20s, fully committed monogamous relationship. We started meeting 1 time per week or every 10 days and I told her that we only live 25 minutes away (in the same city) and eventually I would like to meet more. That’s cool we started meeting 2-3 times per week and eventually spending 4 days together which is I think normal. For me the deeper you fall in love the more you want to spend time with your SO and slowly testing out living together situations, merging your life together etc. Now in the past few months we both had stressful situations and I wanted to lean on her, find comfort in her and just have that connection and peace provided by your partner. She was pulling away when I offered the same comfort and support for her. We are back meeting 1-2 times a week or not even seeing each other for 2 weeks. And it’s because she makes plans with her friends or alone and just informs me about them when she is leaving the house. Like “yeah I’m gonna go away for 3 days “ and the next message is “sorry I’m already going out but it’s actually 1-2 weeks we can see each other after or call if you want”.
I’m not trying to be controlling. Go out, do whatever I’m fully supportive of you having your own life - but I think this still should be better communicated?
I constantly hear that’s she loves me and so happy and grateful for this relationship and how everyone thinks we are the blueprint of a healthy couple.
Still even if she gets back after a week or so I’m not the first person she wants to call. She plans hangouts with her friends, family and in a few days me.
When we are together her friends (roommates) constantly interrupt us and she is the first to jump and do whatever they ask for. During our quality time.
When we are not together she sends me messages about how our future should look like. I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, I WANT TO BUILD IT - but for that we would actually need to be together.
I’m not feeling connected, when she goes away it’s like she doesn’t even exist. It’s like she is a fever dream.
I know that the only resolution is to talk to her and have a conversation but I’m just afraid. As I said she is currently going through something and I feel like a POS for wanting more attention. But at the same time I’m going through something too and I need my partner.
And even if I ask for time it’s changed because I asked for it. I WANT HER TO WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME.