u/No_Chapter_2169

So Today for the first time in a few years my parents dragged me and my siblings to a church that they heard through one of our neighbors. I personally never believed in that stuff and always think that there's a scientific explanation for everything, but the thing is at this church, they were mostly talking about one of those verses that was Implying homophobia or something? I dunno. I genuinely don't wanna go there again because obviously it's fine and chill if you're Christian or whatever, but Homophobia is something I just can't stand for. My parents didn't really seem to care and that make me mad. I just spent the rest of my day locked in my room studying for my math final because I didn't wanna talk to them. I need some help formulating A way to tell my parents that I don't wanna go to that homophobic church, or any church at all. That's going to be extremely hard to do because both of my parents are from LONG lines of Strict Christian families, which could make them super mad that I don't believe in their religion. They might start forcing it on me or something. I need help.

So Pretty much I've been reaching my wits end with these kids at my school, and I have started wearing more "feminine" colors to school, and of course kids call me the F slur when they see me wear pink but whatever. Next Year I'm trying to make a statement, by pretty much only wearing pastel colors, and maybe throwing on characters I like (Snoopy, Kirby, etc.), so I need Ideas on how I can up my wardrobe. For Pants. I ONLY wear baggy jeans or jorts. If I wear gym shorts that probably means I'm not going outside that day. Since where I live its relatively cold most of the time I mostly wear jeans. My hack for jeans is that I buy them online at Hollister on sale for like $20 instead of $70. Its really useful but I need some ideas on what color jeans work with lighter pastel colors. If I wanna change my wardrobe like this too, I also have no clue where to shop for shirts all I know is that I want EXTREMELY OVERSIZED (sleeves down to my elbow) pastel colored graphic tees with fictional characters on them. (As i mentioned earlier). Sometimes the blank color works too, so I need ideas for that (The max I'm paying for 1 shirt is about $35) Plus if you have any new ideas that I probably haven't thought of for pastel, please tell me some Ideas. I want to accessorize myself but I have no clue what to put on. I think the best way to describe my style is "softboy" I've also heard that brown and pink are probably the worst color combo, so maybe I should stop wearing pink and stick to lilac and stuff. Anyway, I also need ideas for a jacket color that goes well with pastel. I feel like a white jacket would be kinda weird, but I don't really know if pastel has a good pairing color for jackets. What do you guys think? And on one last note, this falls under both categories but what color beanie or hat should I get to cover my hair when its braided. I get cornrows put in quite often, and normally I like wearing hats to cover them, so what color works?

Ok so I've been wanting bigger, more squishy thighs to help me accept myself, and I kinda have a plan, and a want to ask you guys to see how well it is. Pretty Much Every day I do

3x15 with a thick resistance band

Squats

Bulgarian Split Squats

Glute Bridges

Lunges

Side Steps

That one exercise where you lay on your side and open and close your legs

I feel like its kinda effective because I don't have any good gyms near my house, but I feel like its missing something. With this routine so far I wanna have 26+ inch thighs, but as of now I'm only at 21. Should I really start thinking about HRT for its fat distribution properties? Plus I've also heard for your thighs to be squishy they need a decent amount of fat on them. I don't wanna gain weight anywhere else, but now that I've finally started eating normally, I don't want the excess to go anywhere BUT my thighs. Is it about macros or something? I have no clue what to do past mindlessly working out every day.

So pretty much since 7th grade I've been dealing with this Same 10-15 kids bullying me because I'm Black and because I can't defend myself. They started with some little jabs when we were in middle school but now these kids have escalated to physical violence. Just a month or two ago I genuinely almost died because this one kid started throttling me in PE, and he wouldn't let go. He even said "Guys look its George Floyd!" To our entire class. My head hurt the rest of the day. Every day I get dropped and beat up by the kids mentioned before (lets call him Shane) and four other kids named (fake ofc) Zane, Gerald, Kevin, and Keith. Like for example, Just today our history teacher put of these mini flags of lots of countries in the world, and while I have was pointing some of them out, this one kid called Angola's Flag the Soviet Union's flag, and so when I corrected him because we have a flag test coming up, Zane comes up and says "Of course YOU know all of these Ooga-Booga African Country Flags." Keith calls me the N-word Every day, Gerald beats me up and steals all of my stuff often, and Kevin has started taking a liking to dropping me every day. Its like I might not even live to SEE graduation.

I know this seems like every bullying situation ever, but I just don't feel like it'll get better. I don't know what to do.

So just a few hours ago, my mom and I were arguing because she found out I've been getting bullied and attacked ever since 7th grade, and she got super mad at me because I hadn't been "standing up for myself" (or some kindergarten mentality stuff) like how a "Black man like me was supposed to" and I dunno what, but I feel like that was the star of how this turned into a gender and sexuality thing because them my mom said "this summer I need to be CONSTANTLY in the gym so I can fight these kids hurting me (I did almost get killed when a kid cut off my oxygen by putting me in a headlock) but the thing is, I've got only a few more years until I'm done with high school and I never see these kids again, so I don't see the need exactly. And my mom wants me to get show muscles so to that I said " Ew I don't want big scary black man muscles " and for some weird reason, my mom got really mad at me for that and said that I pretty much just insulted my dad, who was right there in the same room. But I didn't really care, because I am DESPERATELY, DESPERATELY trying to NOT be masculine. I want to lose muscle and start HRT soon, but I might have to tell my mom that I don't want a masculine build, or at the very least hint at it. I don't want big muscles and I just want a more feminine silhouette, but apparently with military parents that's too hard to ask

I'm just asking what I should say to high at my mom to not let me work out, or to at least tell her I want to be less masculine.

Its so stupid that in EVERY community I'm in, wether it be Femboyism, cosplay, or LGBTQ+ community, I either

A. Never see a hint of representation

Or

B. See the tiniest drop of representation and see someone get flamed.

And its all because of my skin color.

I hate being black

I look at people with lighter skin than mine and wish that by some miracle I could get their beautiful skin, but Im stuck with my "ugly charcoal skin" as kids from school say, and they're right. I even saw a prime example today when I was scrolling Instagram, with me coming across a post of a black femboy and the top comment being "2/10 bc of skin color" with it even having more likes than the post itself. I wish I could just be reborn or something. Without darker skin. I could just rip it off and have lighter skin underneath. I might just try bleaching or something because I don't want to live with this ugly skin anymore. I could become more feminine, I could fully transition, I could become the most beautiful person in the world, but no one would love me because of my skin. I see white femboys with people going crazy for them in the comments because of their beautiful hair, eyes, thighs, skin, and lips, while meanwhile I have horrible hair, bland deep brown eyes, thighs that seem to never get plush now matter how hard I train them, ugly dog poop skin, and big monkey lips. Don't even get me started on my horrible hair. It takes an extremely long time to grow and even then It can't be versatile and feminine like, type 2a hair for example. When white people dye their hair it looks cool. I've always wanted to do it. But then if I try I know ill look ugly. Ill always be ugly. I'll never be pretty by anyone's standards.

I'm unlovable.