u/No_Chemistry8953

All the paperwork is in and now I am just waiting on my ex to be served with the divorce paperwork to officially start what will most likely be a long, drawn-out battle.

I don’t miss her. My life is a lot less chaotic without her in it. I don’t have to deal with all of her affairs, her lies, and her manipulations. She is truly a horrendous person and I can’t believe I didn’t see it when we were together.

I am lonely though. I have had to carry myself through everything this past year. I have entire months that are just blacked-out in my memory because of how bad things were. I had no one to lean on and there were times I did not think I could keep going.

Somehow I am still here but the serving of the paperwork has just reopened all sorts of wounds. I start with a new therapist soon so I am hopeful I will have at least one support.

I read online that I need to talk positively about the other parent to our son… but I find it hard to do this after the actions of my ex so I usually end up either staying silent or giving a noncommittal answer when my son brings her up. I feel like that advice is for “normal” breakups and mine is not that at all.

My ex is attempting a silver-bullet divorce which has been one of the most humiliating, shame-inducing, betrayals of my entire life. She also passively encouraged me to kill myself after she made these false allegations. I truly believe that there will come a time when she discards our son just as coldly as she did me so I worry if I speak positively about her to my son then this will fuck him up more when she does this. It is hard to know what to do in this situation.

Can anybody relate to any of this? Any advice, tips, or just encouragement to keep going one more day?

A bit of background: my childhood contained a lot of violence, both physical and emotional, and I basically raised myself. My parents basically stopped checking in with me at about 12YO and days would go by without actually seeing them. I spent most of my time secluded in my room. I remember teaching myself how to smile as a senior in high school as I had never really used those emotions.

Fast forward to the present, I have no friends or family. I eventually cut off my family because they were unwilling to change. I keep trying to make friends but it is like I am missing something that other people seem to have. I don’t know what it is.

I keep getting ghosted by people with no explanation. I feel like I am kind and respectful but it is almost like I am giving off some kind of energy that nobody likes. I have no idea what I am doing wrong and, since I am ghosted, I never find out why.

I know that I am awkward socially. For some reason, as soon as I get around people I kinda shut down without meaning to, and I have been unable to control this reaction. I also feel like I just do not pick up on social cues well. I also tend to either overshare or undershare. Someone suggested that I might be on the spectrum.

I am tired of being alone. For most of my life, I have been alone. I worry that something about me is fundamentally broken.

I sometimes struggle with the pressure to assimilate that seems to be so strong here in Portugal. Like, I can understand wanting immigrants to integrate and try to follow local rules and customs as best as possible, but it almost seems like integration is not enough for the Portuguese I interact with and they pressure for full assimilation. It is almost like they want me to completely forget about the culture I came from and not even try to honor it.

That is especially hard as a parent of a young child. There are aspects of the culture I came from that I want to share with my child, and also I try to respect that he is growing up in a culture very different than the one I grew up in. It is a delicate balance and it gets exhausting sometimes because the Portuguese I interact with act almost insulted that I speak my native tongue with my child.

Anybody else have similar experiences?

I am struggling with what I am supposed to do to take care of myself. I tried going to the gym but it seems like I am the only person on the planet where going to the gym makes me feel worse. I tried jogging but the same thing happens where I collapse in the days after I jog.

I have tried therapy but my first therapist kept taking my ex’s side even when I would tell her that my ex physically assaulted me and my second therapist said my trauma history was too severe for her to work with. I am exhausted.

Combined with that is all of my clients at work seem to have dried up and I woke up to my bank account balance being at $0. I am afraid right now. My son starts back to school this week and I start the divorce process and custody battle soon. My ex is doing a silver-bullet divorce which has just destroyed me.

I have no friends. I have no family. I can’t speak the language where I live. Literally the only thing keeping me alive right now is being here for my son. I need help but it seems like the universe keeps blocking whatever help I find. I am very afraid.

Question in title.

I am going through a high-conflict divorce and custody battle so I feel guilty spending money on me when it could be spent on fighting for custody of my kid. What do you guys have for me?

I mean that question legitimately. I didn’t really have present parents and when they were present they were abusive. I basically raised myself. My dad would occasionally show up out of the blue and teach me something (which he now considers himself a rockstar parent for this) but overall I was on my own.

Now, I am a single father going through a high-conflict divorce and I’m trying my best by researching parenting strategies online and going to therapy for myself. My son is 5 so a lot of our time together I spend playing with him, taking him to the playground, going to the zoo, etc. but I also want to model healthy masculinity for him… whatever that is.

I never really received any lessons on how to live life from my parents. I have had to teach myself almost everything from YouTube videos, whether it was hanging a picture on a wall to how to talk about emotions with my son. I can cook so I can teach my son this but I want to be able to be there for him for deeper life lessons. Any help would be appreciated.

TW: DV

I am remembering some of the actions my ex did and they are haunting. I remember her trying to break down doors when I asked for an appropriate step away. I remember her launching herself at me like she was going to hit me. I remember her faking suicide attempts in a way that forced me to hold her down, and only learning later that it was all an act. I remember her backstory changing periodically to where I stayed so confused. I remember her chronic cheating and then her blaming me for her cheating. I remember her telling me that I was easy to lie to and also mentioning how others were attractive while never being able to tell me I was attractive. I remember her physical assault on me but then flipping the script and telling police that I had assaulted her.

I feel destroyed by all of this and I can’t see myself ever trusting another woman with my heart.

TW: DV

I am remembering some of the actions my ex did and they are haunting. I remember her trying to break down doors when I asked for an appropriate step away. I remember her launching herself at me like she was going to hit me. I remember her faking suicide attempts in a way that forced me to hold her down, and only learning later that it was all an act. I remember her backstory changing periodically to where I stayed so confused. I remember her chronic cheating and then her blaming me for her cheating. I remember her telling me that I was easy to lie to and also mentioning how others were attractive while never being able to tell me I was attractive. I remember her physical assault on me but then flipping the script and telling police that I had assaulted her.

I feel destroyed by all of this and I can’t see myself ever trusting another woman with my heart.

TW: DV

I am remembering some of the actions my ex did and they are haunting. I remember her trying to break down doors when I asked for an appropriate step away. I remember her launching herself at me like she was going to hit me. I remember her faking suicide attempts in a way that forced me to hold her down, and only learning later that it was all an act. I remember her backstory changing periodically to where I stayed so confused. I remember her chronic cheating and then her blaming me for her cheating. I remember her telling me that I was easy to lie to and also mentioning how others were attractive while never being able to tell me I was attractive. I remember her physical assault on me but then flipping the script and telling police that I had assaulted her.

I feel destroyed by all of this and I can’t see myself ever trusting another woman with my heart.

I am really struggling to learn Portuguese. A large part of my difficulty is I have a learning disorder with languages. Even my native tongue was difficult and I had to take years of speech classes as a child. I struggle translating sounds into speech so my auditory processing is really screwed up.

I feel like eventually I can work through this but it will take me longer than others. I now speak my native tongue at a highly educated level but I still struggle sometimes when someone speaks to me because it just gets jumbled up and it will just sound like nonsense until they repeat themselves.

Do any of you have any advice or know of a teacher that could work with a case like mine?

I’m trying to be a father to my son but I feel like I am failing. I’m going through a silver-bullet, high conflict divorce and I have no support. Like, literally no one.

I am heavily medicated just to maintain some level of functioning. I live in a country where I can’t speak the language. I am so alone.

I try to be there for my son. I take him places, I do doctor’s appointments, and I spend time with him but I also struggle sometimes with exhaustion. Mornings are really heavy with grief so often I will get up to fix him breakfast and then lay back down. I feel so much guilt and shame bc I lay back down.

Today, my son told me that he would turn on the tv while he waits for me to wake up. I felt so much shame that this has happened so many times that he knows to work around it. I am trying but I am just so exhausted. I randomly break down crying most days.

I don’t know what I am doing. I have no one to ask advice from. I am just trying to be there for him as best as I know how. Any help, support, or advice would be appreciated.

I’m trying to be a father to my son but I feel like I am failing. I’m going through a silver-bullet, high conflict divorce and I have no support. Like, literally no one.

I am heavily medicated just to maintain some level of functioning. I live in a country where I can’t speak the language. I am so alone.

I try to be there for my son. I take him places, I do doctor’s appointments, and I spend time with him but I also struggle sometimes with exhaustion. Mornings are really heavy with grief so often I will get up to fix him breakfast and then lay back down. I feel so much guilt and shame bc I lay back down.

Today, my son told me that he would turn on the tv while he waits for me to wake up. I felt so much shame that this has happened so many times that he knows to work around it. I am trying but I am just so exhausted. I randomly break down crying most days.

I don’t know what I am doing. I have no one to ask advice from. I am just trying to be there for him as best as I know how. Any help, support, or advice would be appreciated.

It has been a really destabilizing past year and I don’t know where else to talk. I had to end my relationship with my therapist bc she didn’t believe me that a woman could be abusive, which was just immensely destabilizing. Even when I told my therapist that my ex physically assaulted me, she asked “well, what did you do to her?”

My one and only family member stopped talking to me bc I mentioned some of the abuse from my childhood. I live in a country where I barely speak the language and I have no friends or support. My ex filed false DV allegations against me (after she assaulted me) and used that to leverage me out of the shared home.

I am also trying to be a single father to a 5YO with absolutely no help. I am truly alone and some days I feel like I am losing my mind. I took my son to the zoo today and I couldn’t really feel any of it. I have so much time missing from my memory in this past year…

I just need support. I am scared that one day my heart is just going to give out with the strain my body is under. I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted. Simple things like just cooking myself some food are beyond me. My brain is just so frazzled. I am terrified of women now with all the actions my ex did. Like, legit scared and almost have a panic attack when a woman talks to me.

I am also worried that my ex will continue to leverage the DV allegations in family court and strip custody of my son from me just to hurt me. I have always been an active presence in my son’s life since the day he was born and I think if she succeeds in doing that, it might be my final straw

It has been a really destabilizing past year and I don’t know where else to talk. I had to end my relationship with my therapist bc she didn’t believe me that a woman could be abusive, which was just immensely destabilizing. Even when I told my therapist that my ex physically assaulted me, she asked “well, what did you do to her?”

My one and only family member stopped talking to me bc I mentioned some of the abuse from my childhood. I live in a country where I barely speak the language and I have no friends or support. My ex filed false DV allegations against me (after she assaulted me) and used that to leverage me out of the shared home.

I am also trying to be a single father to a 5YO with absolutely no help. I am truly alone and some days I feel like I am losing my mind. I took my son to the zoo today and I couldn’t really feel any of it. I have so much time missing from my memory in this past year…

I just need support. I am scared that one day my heart is just going to give out with the strain my body is under. I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted. Simple things like just cooking myself some food are beyond me. My brain is just so frazzled. I am terrified of women now with all the actions my ex did. Like, legit scared and almost have a panic attack when a woman talks to me.

I am also worried that my ex will continue to leverage the DV allegations in family court and strip custody of my son from me just to hurt me. I have always been an active presence in my son’s life since the day he was born and I think if she succeeds in doing that, it might be my final straw.

It has been a really destabilizing past year and I don’t know where else to talk. I had to end my relationship with my therapist bc she didn’t believe me that a woman could be abusive, which was just immensely destabilizing. Even when I told my therapist that my ex physically assaulted me, she asked “well, what did you do to her?”

My one and only family member stopped talking to me bc I mentioned some of the abuse from my childhood. I live in a country where I barely speak the language and I have no friends or support. My ex filed false DV allegations against me (after she assaulted me) and used that to leverage me out of the shared home.

I am also trying to be a single father to a 5YO with absolutely no help. I am truly alone and some days I feel like I am losing my mind. I took my son to the zoo today and I couldn’t really feel any of it. I have so much time missing from my memory in this past year…

I just need support. I am scared that one day my heart is just going to give out with the strain my body is under. I wake up exhausted and go to bed exhausted. Simple things like just cooking myself some food are beyond me. My brain is just so frazzled. I am terrified of women now with all the actions my ex did. Like, legit scared and almost have a panic attack when a woman talks to me.

I am also worried that my ex will continue to leverage the DV allegations in family court and strip custody of my son from me just to hurt me. I have always been an active presence in my son’s life since the day he was born and I think if she succeeds in doing that, it might be my final straw.

I’ve been actively engaged in researching narcissism and family patterns and it is both sad and eye-opening. I can see where narcissism and trauma has been in the family for many generations.

I have figured out that I am the Lost Child in my family dynamic. I basically raised myself and I often would spend days in my room lost in books and computer games. I have no real memories of either of my parents really involving themselves in my life or hobbies. My mom is the narcissist and I feel like my dad was the Golden Child in his family dynamic (grandmother was the narcissist).

My siblings and I were actively worked against one another growing up so, now as adults, we really do not have a relationship. My oldest brother was the Golden Child and extremely physically and psychologically violent with no consequences. My next oldest brother was the Scapegoat, and I was the Lost Child. I’ve now taken on the role of Scapegoat bc I cut off my mom several years ago.

My dad being the Golden Child means he really doesn’t understand my struggles. He has convinced himself that he has worked for everything and is a self-made man but he was literally given about 100 acres of land for $1 by his narcissistic mother with the terms he would be her neighbor. He has been handed everything in his life. He actively enabled my narcissistic mother growing up by being in denial of just how much abuse was happening. He still stays in denial and dismisses me when I bring up childhood trauma by saying, “you had a good childhood.”

I can see where being the Lost Child really opened me up to be taken in by a narcissist myself. My ex “chose” me in the beginning of our relationship and it was magical and heavenly. For the first time in my life, I was chosen. Somebody wanting to get to know me, spend time with me, ask about my hobbies and interests. My naive self said that this was true love because it felt amazing. I ignored so many red flags because of this.

This might be a repeat question but, how is everybody getting coins? I’ve lived here for 3 years and I can never seem to have a steady supply of 1 and 2 euro coins, and these are so useful for so many things. I see some banks have coin machines in their lobby but sadly my bank doesn’t have one of those. Besides going to the loja chinesa and buying something to break a larger bill, how else can I get them? Thanks!

As the title says. Everybody sees my ex as a doting mother, ambitious professional, and socialite and this is so invalidating for me. No one sees the absolutely horrendous things she has done to me, what she continues to do towards me, and what terrible things I imagine she has planned. People think I am crazy and sometimes I wonder if I am crazy as well. I even had to break up with my therapist of 2 years because she kept giving the benefit of the doubt to my ex. My ex left me isolated and I have no one to talk to about this stuff so it just rotates around my brain until I am losing my mind.