u/No_Diver6131

I don't know what is wrong with me, as far back as I can remember I have struggled with this porn and sex addiction. The past few years I have seriously tried stopping and changing my behavior. The problem is that every relationship with a woman I have hurt them. It brings me so much shame. I think I need to get back into attending myt SA meetings. My ex girlfriend I was in a relationship with for almost a decade. In that time frame I had an online affair, and did shameful stuff with ai. She found out about all of this, and I couldn't explain why I did it. The only explanation I had was that I was a sex and porn addict. It's pathetic to say that. My ex's family just found out and she said I'm not ever going to speak with her, and that my actions have ruined her life. Maybe I would be better suited for SLAA. I was just going through the motions with my ex and it was horrible for her. I hurt her so badly.

The thing is every relationship I have, eventually I just hurt the person I'm with. No one I have hurt as bad as my ex. But fuck man, I don't want to hurt anyone. I hate feeling like I'm a creep. I hate feeling like I'm a shitty person. Fuck this addiction. I don't know how to be better, and I desperately want to be a better person.

I plan to pay my bills. Then get the heck off my PC and go grocery shopping to get out of the house. I've been doing pretty good. My brain is just throwing a lil tantrum. I'll be stronger

That's it, one week away from Zyn. I accomplished a small win. The next goal is 14 days.

What are strategies or techniques some of ya'll use to overcome executive dysfunction. I have this horrible problem of coming home from work and just slumping on my couch. No matter how many times I tell myself "Do the Insert X thing here". I end up doing nothing. I hate living this way because my weekend ends up cleaning and resetting my apartment. I want to spend my weekends enjoying them. What are some systems you have tried that helped?

Last night, was unbearable with some urges. But I stayed strong. I can't believe I have now made it 3 three weeks without pornography, and an entire week without compulsive sexual behavior. The next 3-4 days I think are going to be incredibly difficult. I can do it.

I didn't give in and stayed strong! Thanks for everyone who reached out. I spent tonight adding a bunch of sites to both my cold turkey, and freedom blockers.

Day 6-10 always hits me hard. I tried meditating and going for a walk. But my mind keeps going back. I need to keep my will power.

Well usually I would be white knuckling this by now, and not making any actual changes. Then once I relapsed I would delete my Reddit account and that would be my cyclical pattern. But this is different for many reasons. One my post history shows many starts and stops. The past few days I have been actually making changes. Sure, I have been using blockers. I also have been journaling and meditating. Tomorrow, I'm excited to update with one week nofap and three weeks pornography free. I don't think I have ever accomplished that. I'm here for anyone in this community.

Day 5 here. Yesterday I ended up watching my old dog I got with my ex girlfriend. I took her to the park and was surprised that Pride fest or whatever was going on. It was amazing being around that many positive people. It was the most people I have been around in a while. But yesterday I also had some urges. Instead of pornography, I have playing Slay the Spire 2. I play a game and then complete some chores.

So far now I am 2 weeks away from pornography. Yesterday was great, I took my therapists advice and put away several things, then I just tarted doing things on my to do list. What is really helping me is eliminating all aspects of pornography from my life. Let's get it today, I am here for anyone.

Day 2 checking in. Keeping strong.

I don't remember the last time I have gone 5 days without this. The only problem is that I turned browsing on my phone to now going on my laptop. So I need to figure out a way to eliminate screens all together.

Day 4 here. Last night I went for a run and that felt terrific instead of giving in to urges. My counter says 108 Hours with compulsive sexual behavior. So that's cool.

Day 3 check in. Definitely feeling some urges. But I won't give in.

Wow. Just eliminating most of my screen use and being present in my own life, I'm starting to no longer feel like I'm taking a passenger seat in my own life.

Day one I will beat this addiction.

Day zero. Again. Earlier today I wrote out a plan on how to stop, but literally an hour or two went by and I found myself relapsing. I am powerless over this addiction, and it is making my life unmanageable. The best I have ever gone with beating this addiction was relying on others in a similar boat, I don't know why I stopped. I also am starting to think that my medication for narcolepsy is causing me crazy sexual side effects. My libido is through the roof, but I can't get hard which results in marathon pmo sessions and accomplishing nothing. I hate pornography. I hate this addiction. I love this community. I am here for anyone.