u/No_Instruction_5647

So there's an extreme amount of backstory to my situation, as I've been diligently researching it not only for myself, but to help save my 2 year relationship with my GF.

I had a really bad masturbation addiction that I've seemingly been able to kick, but porn still has a hold on me especially after recent events.

My GF was originally very open to actually letting me dress up and potentially explore femdom stuff, but realized she was disgusted by it and sort of withdrew that space I was able to experiment with,band doesn't give any quarter to anything of the nature. The bitch of it is that there wasn't any thoughts of going and getting fucked by guys or anything. It was genuinely just to dress and to offload my stress for awhile.

Never has the sissy stuff really been attached to men themselves, I couldn't ever find men attractive and I still really can't, the way I worked around this most the time was futanari, which is fortunately impossible. UNfortunately, the and sissy stuff is. And without a non-sexual outlet or masturbating to impossible things, it seems to have taken the form of doubling down on the very real ideas of going and getting feminized by someone, actually connecting and seeking out those things.

We have things left over from when we were experimenting (and actually having a sort of wholesome fun) and recently, for some reason I had been possessed to go and put on/in certain toys, a pair of thigh highs, and this chain necklace that you can pull that gets tighter like it's a collar (my girlfriend bought it "for the free shipping" on Amazon, it's 'ours' in a way)

And I actually POSED and TOOK PHOTOS.

I have NEVER done that, and have had an absolute rule that NOTHING like that ever happen. It happened once when I was really young, an ex during sophomore year dressed me up and took a photo, showing her sister. It felt like I had literally been shot it hurt that bad. So the fact I just DID THAT and didn't even flinch is terrifying to me. It felt like a dream, it was surreal and yet if you didn't know better you'd think it was business as usual.

I can post more talking about how we got here and what the journey has been since starting truly working on this, but I think that's all I care to share right now. I can't sleep as I had a dream about being a sissy. I work tomorrow man ;_;

I have a job at a ghetto pick n save that's 40 minutes from my house which I live in with my parents and girlfriend, and it's horrible. I work part time with 4 days (8 hours at least) and can't do anything at the store.

We are understaffed, underpaid, as under supplied. The management sits in their ivory tower and only visits the peasants to complain. They yell at me, the only grocery associate I've ever seen working aside from the shift leads (there's only 2 and never at the same time) for not breaking down multiple pallets, but don't seem to understand I can't.

It took them three months to get me a box cutter. I didn't know we HAD them. And I still haven't gotten a permanent name tag.

I've been there about 4 months, but since I couldn't take it, I put in my two weeks. On my last day, 4/30, the shitty ass metal cart thing fell instead of rolling, I had to catch a 30lbs crate of glass jars of spices to stop it from literally crushing my body, but the cart landed on my toe, tearing of the nail entirely and crushing the very tip. They described it as dropping something on a piece of chalk.

I've been on workers comp since and it's the only reprieve I've gotten. I was so close to a 3rd degree black belt test it was almost there, but I had that taken away because of the uselessness of management supplying us functional fucking equipment.

I still owe thousands for medical bills I got in 2023 when I was diagnosed with epilepsy, and biweekly $200 car payments. I was already sent to collections for one of the $2,000 medical bills, and I'm sure I'm not far from the other ones.

I have so many skills that just don't get you hired. I have hyperphantasia which is incredible for entertainment/technical work, "silent presence" which is perfect for consoling people in desperate times in their life, I have a genuine love of learning which has led to me learning a bit about everything, and I have amazing abilities in sales in almost all aspects, from promoting to developing to accounting. (Sold $4,000 worth of popcorn every year in boy scouts, not to brag or anything)

But literally none of these get you hired. Anywhere I go I can help people in some way, but there's no money in that. That doesn't stop me from doing it of course, I will never stop being a positive influence on people around me, but I'm genuinely dying on the inside. Not a hyperbole, I can feel myself genuinely falling apart on the inside. There are days that I just want to cry because there's this feeling nothing will get better. There's other things that might be causing it, but this is probably the biggest. I've thought about hurting myself just to not go back to work.

I'm so depressed I can't even go through with signing up for welfare things, like stuff that provides you affordable therapy. Everything just feels terrible all the time, and I'm tempted to have the crisis helpline just permanently on on my phone.

I don't think there is anything you guys can say to help me, but I'd appreciate it if you guys tried. Maybe something will get through. We'll see I suppose.

I only heard about this game yesterday and was genuinely impressed to hear what it had to offer compared to Civilization, another series I'm a fan of.

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Yeah, well hearing it's been shelved immediately disappointed me. Definitely sounds like one of Paradox's most unique titles, and I'm sure one of the reasons it stopped getting support is because again, I had never heard of it until yesterday.

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So I figured I'd just throw a bone to it. If enough of us go and get it they may be convinced to keep working on it.