u/No_Monitor1617

so I'm having doubts about being trans but i still really want to be a girl like if i could press a button to turn me into a girl i would press it without any thought and i want a vag for pleasure and for wearing lingerie and for more countless reasons but i just dont know like im fine with my male body and the clothes like it doesnt bother me but i want boobs i want to wear crop tops i want to wear skirts i want to do makeup i just wish i was born a girl instead i hate being trans i get in my mind 24/7☹️, it brings down my mood all the time, and other thing is i think the reason might be im scared to go through with it and then realize that im not trans while im on hormones and i loose my fertility or anything im just very scared and confused what are your thoughts on this please help. another thing is i dress up as a girl in roblox but i have 0 intentions on changing back to a guy avatar i never liked guy avatars

So before me and my gf started dating i was in denial about being trans and i was thinking it was a phase then when me and my gf started dating it slowed down a little bit but it was still there and at that time i wanted it to go away but about couple months ago i have came to understand that i am trans and so i told my gf she accepted me at first but now i just cant talk to her when i say i need to shave my legs or face she says i love your facial hair and wants me to keep it/ ofc i dont but now she said i dated you bc you are a man but i really dont want to break up with her but i also really really want to be trans i want to be a girl so so so so bad she also said before yeah im fine with it unless you keep your pp and im like yeah i want to keep it anyways but now im kind of want to get bottom surgery later down in my life it like she accepts me but then doesnt at the same time im confused please help im also worried that i break up with her bc im trans and then i realize that i dont want to do this but i have a feeling i wont regret going through with being trans this relationship is also so draining but i love her i dont want to leave and she also lives with me too please give me your opinion on this or something thank you

so I've been thinking for the past 2 years off and on that i might be trans and recently i turned 18 and i have this sudden erge to start estrogen now but i keep second guessing if im trans or not but its always in my head it never goes away i wake up and thats the first thing i think of, when i see a girl i get jealous like i want boobs and be feminine. and also i dont hate my body like im fine with my body but i would prefer a feminine body more then a guys body and the gut feeling has slowed down a little it doesnt feel like im dying anymore bc im not a girl but i still really want to be trans if that makes sense LOL it could also be that im scared of change but i want the change to happen without me doing anything. should i wait a longer or should i just go for it and if i don't like it i can always stop taking estrogen right?

recently i just feel like I'm trapped into a box that is locked. i want to go somewhere i want to leave i dont know where to but i just want to go. so much stuff has been on my mind and it makes me want to just into a hole and stay there and cry i just want to be normal again but my overthin is not going away it is always with me no matter what i do. ive been thinking recently i might be trans and that just terrifies me bc my gf will break up with me i know she has a preference but still i love her i dont want her to go and im also scared if people will see me different will people kill me over being trans?. i dont want to die. i want to be normal.

So ive been thinking for about a year and a half that i might be trans and for a while i think i was shoving it right down and just trying to forget it but it keeps coming back and i told my mom about it she accept and didnt at the same time. she said stuff like you cant be a girl but you can admire them and also said that my gf might break up with me bc i might be trans. but recently i slipped and told my gf that i might be trans she. accept me asked if i wanted to change my name and everything but sometimes i feel like she might break up with me if i actually go through with it because i wont be a guy anymore and that makes my heart ache. im also just so unsure if im actually trans or if its a phase but when i think its a phase i get like a feeling that i dont want it to be a phase i actually want to become a girl. i feel like im just scared. and confused but i also get a feeling i just want it to hurry i want to start now i dont know also sorry for the long text >_<