u/No_Stick8691

so before i started hrt at 14 , i was basically aro ace and didnt think about romance or intimacy or anything like that . however after a year into starting hormones and finally being more comfortable with myself , a strong attraction to women and femininity developed and i am so so embarrassed to have it as a trans woman

im 18 now but i feel so incredibly guilty and disgusted with myself anytime im around women i find attractive . especially all that stigma that tells us that trans women are sexual predators that like to creep on women really doesnt make it any better . i feel like such a sick and twisted creep for even having these thoughts or feelings at all and i go home crying in my room whenever i do

i try SO hard to be attracted to men . ive been on dates with guys , let guys kiss me , consumed straight media , but all i feel is revulsion with their appearance , smell , demeanor , and so many other things every single time . ive tried so hard and it makes me feel so sad that i cant even have a semblance of a normal life , even if its not something i really want deep down

does anyone else feel this way too ? does anybody have any advice or some way to make yourself change your attraction ? i hope someone else understands 😓

is there like a specific point where you know or is it just kindof an unknown ? i transitioned a bit early early in my life (13 socially , 14 blockers , 15 estro) and despite some really rough school years , i havent gotten misgendered since i was 16

im 18 now in college and i dont really talk about this part of me with anyone - i dont think its an important part of me to go and tell everyone about , but maybe its because im privileged enough to have the opportunity not to disclose . everyone treats me normally now and is fairly nice , i get compliments very often by strangers in public as well . i have this idea in my head that everyone just does it to be polite or out of pity , but then again i dont really care about passing at all , im happy with the way i look and feel and if someone thinks/knows im trans it wont be of any importance to me . however , i really do find myself questioning whether the people around me know or not , as they dont allude or give any signs that they do know but it still makes me a bit hypervigilant for any clues

i suppose im just wondering if anyone feels the same way ? i always feel hesitant to use the term “cis-passing” cuz i dont really know if people know if im trans or not , so hopefully u guys have some insight or advice !!!