u/No_Transition_8746

Hello! I am a pastor’s wife at a traditional (not “old-traditional” just… “non-CU-traditional” lol), non-denominational church. Though I don’t agree on everything at our church nor on everything with my husband, I do feel like I have found a super healthy church-home, my husband and my small group are very open-minded and love hearing my different opinions and thoughts and questions and challenges that I bring up regarding the “normal” viewpoints that don’t agree with CU.

ANYWAY.

I am wondering - is there anyone else who sometimes really struggles with feeling like being under the Christian umbrella is kinda like … being part of a cult? 😅

Now obviously I try to run from that idea the most I can by leaning toward this Christian Universalism idea. But I still find myself struggling with this idea sometimes and trying to just balance my beliefs and my faith with my views of the world/etc.

I first “developed” trich in jr high when I had a bad case of lice. I had just been diagnosed with psoriasis, and had bad dandruff… assumed the itchy head was the dandruff and psoriasis, was scratching and picking at my flakes when I found a bug (I know. I am still humiliated to this day but anyways). I developed trich from that experience because I started obsessively checking my head for bugs. Have never been able to kick the hair pulling (or dermatillomania) since. (That was 20 years ago. Have not had lice since).

Today I’m briefly messing with my hair (trich tendencies) and I FIND A TICK TRYING TO GET AT MY NECK THROUGH MY HAIR.

I feel like I’ve been “re-traumatized”, finding a whole new BUG in my hair. I want to cry and shiver and shake and just… I’m feeling so defeated. 😭 I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to make forward progress!?!

Just wanted to come vent in a place where I know people will at least semi-understand. 😔

*EDITED BECAUSE I PUSHED POST BEFORE COMPLETED