u/Nofskx

I know the answer is probably going to be something along the lines of “It’s different for everyone” but I guess I’m in the stages of wondering if I want to ask a friend to be in a qpr. For context we hug, cuddle, hold hands, we’re just 2 friends who are comfortable with physical affection so I’m wondering if I asked to be in a qpr would that be ok? I mean really it’s up to him whether he rejects me or not but I know he’s not looking to date anyone or be in a relationship while in school but I guess I don’t know if that includes a qpr. We don’t hang out ALL the time and I’m fine with that, I’m glad to have our own lives and respect our boundaries so for me asking that I don’t know if I’m crossing the boundary of knowing he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment. He’s also on the aroace spectrum so I thought maybe he would understand? It’s not like I want anything to change between us, by asking him to be in a qpr I’m not asking for more time and affection or attention from him, it’s more just of I want to be in a qpr I guess. I’d talked to a friend about it and she said that I should give it a try and bring it up but I guess I wanted some advice from the qpr community as well.

I have this friend who I really want to ask to be in a qpr with, the problem is I have this ex, and said ex makes this equation a little more difficult. Let’s call my friend Greyson and my Justin. Greyson is someone who I love very much, he’s a good friend of mine and means a lot to me. We’re on cuddling terms so I can cuddle him, I can ask for hugs, I can ask to hold his hand, hold his arm, sleeve all that stuff. I never usually do any of this in public unless its empty or secluded because truly I’m not sure how he feels about that and I’ve always been really awkward and kinda uncomfortable hugging or holding hands in public when I used to date Justin. So truly we kinda do have an established boundary when it comes to physical affection

So really, I have a good friendship with Greyson and I’m happy with where I’m at with him. Happy but still wanting to be closer. See the thing is the 3 of us are apart of the same friend group, Justin being my ex doesn’t want me to have any kind of further relationship with Greyson because boundaries, and Greyson as I’ve heard wouldn’t ever date me in respect for my ex, and I am in the middle with no say towards this.

Don’t get me wrong I completely understand both of their povs, Justin is my ex, I broke up with them because realized I might be aromantic and also, I just know I can’t love properly and I really just don’t know what it means to love someone as a romantic partner. I couldn’t love him the way he loved me and I started to feel like I was suffocating in the relationship so I decided to end it. Of course he wouldn’t want me dating anyone from the same friend group because that never ends well. Greyson on the other hand would be a dick if he dated me after I broke up with Justin whom is also his friend. Me on the other hand, I get it but it lowkey kinda hurts, and it makes it worse when I discover what a qpr is and that I want it with Greyson. I like him a lot and I want to be a closer friends, I want to ask for a qpr but I don’t know how he views that type of thing and I feel like I already know he’ll turn me down. Honestly, I’m not even sure if he knows much about them even if he’s aroace. I don’t know if he wants to eventually find and be in a dating relationship, I really know nothing. All I do know is my thinking is unrealistic but I really just can’t help it.

I don’t know what to do, but I also know what I should do is be quiet and keep this to myself. Because I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to ruin my relationships because of my own clinginess or selfishness. I feel like I should just except that I’m in an impossible situation and get over it even though I still like him, I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

Edit: I’d probably should have mentioned but I am still very good friends with Justin even if we’re not dating anymore