u/Normalgirl867

i’m so anxious about this thing i’ll need to do in my school work experience,

basically there’s this mandatory work experience somewhere related to what we study(i’m in high school),i did it last year for two weeks and it was the worst thing ever,but now i’m anxious because i’ll have to do it for one month and i have to make calls which i hate,and then go in person to bring some documents,i wanted to do this experience in the town hall,so’ll i’ll do less hours,but i cant,i did’t go out in months,its been 6 months or more since i’ve went outside to do something beside school and the dentist or being forced by my mom to buy something,so just imagine,i fucking live 15 minutes away from the square,i can go walking,and it’s gonna be weird for me going after months.

i feel insane that i’ve havent been somewhere everyone here goes in months.

just the tought that i‘ll have to physycally go there,and there's gonna be people.

I always need my sisters to do things for me,i dont go to shops because i feel ….i dont know how to say,i feel embarrassed to pay,to buy something,order, I don't know how to do anything.

i’m 17,i sometimes think that if i never got bullied in middle school and isolated, i wouldn’t feel like that,plus some problems that are going on are just getting in the way in my life.

the only thing i did this summer was starting to eat with others,when i was 12 my sister told me i made sounds so from then i kept eating alone for 5 years, i remember that when i went in my home country and i asked my mom to bring my food in another room,from then my relatives think i have a problem,and just this summer when they were talking with someone ,they asked them if i still ate alone,i felt so ashamed,its been 3 years since you saw me eating alone and you still think about it? i was so embarrassed that i started to eat with my family,at first it felt weird but it got better and that’s the only thing I aceived.

I can't imagine that in the work experience I'll be in a room with other people, and then having to say bye before going.

I hate when I'm at home, just in comfortable clothes, nothing fancy, and my hair looks good, and I would just like to go outside, live like a normal girl, I'm so curious to know if my life would change and I would get treated better when I'm not visibly Muslim.

It's such a beautiful feeling to not have a weight on your head, to just feel normal.

Sometimes I ask myself how my life would be if I never wore it in the first place.

My dream would be to know how people would treat me if I never wore it, if I would make friends.

When you wear it, it seems like people know everything about you, muslim, oppressed, that's what people think.

It looks like I play a role everytime I put it on my head

In these days, just as I step in the house, the first thing I do is taking off hijab, untie my hair , it's so calming that all the tension I had while they were tied just goes away.

It's also sad sitting in class everyday, seeing girls who have the freedom to show their hair, then there are the moments where I need to walk and there are a lot of people, I just feel everyone looking and I hate myself when I walk.

There is this girl in my class, same religion, same origins, yet she has the chance to wear revealing clothes, show her hair.

I feel so dumb that I've stopped going out for years, that my friends tell me about places and I don't even know where they are.

My parents used to tell me last year to go out but I refused, now they stopped but they still ask me to come with them, they think I just hate going out.

I would never be brave enough to say it's because of hijab and my social anxiety.

I wanted to start doing things I'm afraid to do because of my social anxiety, basically I can do nothing, I feel embarrassed to even talk about it to someone irl because they'll think I'm stupid.

And then hijab is on the way and not letting me do this.

I feel that maybe my social anxiety would not be high if people know I'm a human and not just a muslim hijabi girl.

Hi I got my glasses two years ago, I have - 2,25 and - 1,25 but I don't know if now it got worse.

I would like to improve my eyesight, I don't wear glasses at home, only outside, but I started to take them off at school to look at the board because I can see what's written, it's just blurry.

Can yall tell me what helped you? Eye yoga? Sunning? How should I do sunning? Do you think wearing them as little as possible helps?

When I wear try clothes without hijab I feel beautiful even if my hair are tied, but then, when I wear the hijab, I don't feel young anymore, I kinda feel old and weird.

For instance, if I wear a t-shirt and add sleeves to cover the arms(which is something I see a lot of hijabis do to run, workout outside) I look good, but then adding hijab i become ugly and insicure.

Same thing with other outfits, I don't understand why.

That's making a problem for me bc for PE in school I always wore a zipper hoodie open with underneath a t-shirt but it's SO hot.

I feel like in those 3 months where I haven't gone out without the hijab, I lost something, everyone is living their teen years and I'm here at home.

It's just so weird that tomorrow I'll have to put back hijab and be seen as a symbol.

I haven't talked to people who aren't my family in a while, it's gonna be so weird 😭

I'm already anxious abt tomorrow and seeing those faces I hate.

Allora, quando avevo iniziato le medie, c'era questo ragazzo, che in realtà avevo già visto prima che la scuola iniziasse al parco e ho notato che mi guardava molto, vabbè quando la scuola era iniziata lui si era seduto davanti a me, mi raccoglieva le cose che cadevano, stavo cadere e mi ha aiutato, ed era veramente molto gentile e dolce.

Fatto sta che in questi 3 anni lui si comportava molto bene con me,qualche volta ridevamo insieme ma non direi che siamo amici.

Io venivo bullizatae e isolata a volte, se gli piacessi non mi avrebbe lasciata sola, giusto?

Adesso andrò in 4 superiore, e andiamo nella stessa scuola, ci saremo salutati 4 volte in tutto ma all'inizio dell'anno scorso era davanti alla porta della mia classe aspettando un suo amico, e quando li ero passata vicino mi ha salutata con un sorriso dicendo il mio nome.

Allora io non capisco perché da 4 mesi, il mio cervello ha cominciato a ricordare quei comportamenti e a pensare che boh gli piacessi.

Forse sono io che sto esagerando e sono comportamenti normali di un essere umano educato?

Questo anno l'ho visto sempre durante la ricreazione fuori mentre era con amici, cercavo di guardarlo ma non mi cagava, stessa cosa quando li passai vicino.

Ho passato tutta l'estate a pensare a lui, ho avuto delle cotte nella vita ma erano cavolate e non mi cagavano, non credo di essermi innamorata di lui però sembra che il mio cervello sia convinto che lui mi ami.

Mi sento impazzire perché c'è una parte di me che pensa ci sia un amore nascosto, e non riesco ad autoconvincermi che devo smettere.

Ho raccontato la situazione 3 mesi fa a gemini e dice che lui si stava comportando normalmente.

Stavo pure aspettando la scuola per vedere se mi avrebbe salutato o guardato di nuovo.

Adesso so che questo testo sembra stupido, però avevo bisogno di sentire qualche opinione e consiglio

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When I was about to start middle school, I was at the park, and I saw a boy, my sister told me that he would be in class with me(she studied with his brother so she knows).

He looked like a good boy, he kept looking at me that day, and I remember that he also fell when he was skating.

When school started, he sat in front of me and whenever something fell from my desk he would always pick it up.

I had almost fell on the first day if it wasn't from him.

He was always so kind and gentle, but this memories are from 1-2 year of middle school.

I don't remember anything from the 3rd year,I just remember that on the last month before finishing school we were in art class, sitting together (I think bc I was using his colors) and we were laughing.

Also, in these 3 years of middle school I was getting a bit bullied,I cried, I was also left alone during school break, so now I think, if maybe he had a crush on me, he wouldn't let me stay alone?

Btw he and his friend was also getting a bit bullied.

Now I'm I'm gonna start the 4th year of high-school, and I don't understand, why only in these months, I started noticing all the things he did for me 4/5 years ago.

We go now to the same school, we greeted each other I think 4 times in 3 years.

But I remember last year, when he saw me, he greeted me saying my name and was smiling.

So my mind started to think if he loves me which is a bit impossible bc he would've done something, right?

Also I started to think a lot about him in the last 4 months, I don't think it's love, maybe I feel like that bc I think he likes me.

.

Allora io sono in un trio con delle ragazze che conosco dalla 1 superiore, adesso andrò in quarta.

Loro sono gentili, tutto ok, a volte litighiamo ma vabbè è normale ed è per cavolate.

Loro due si conoscono dalla 2 media, ma nn si parlavano molto alle medie, hanno fatto amicizia alle superiori e io mi sono aggiunta, vanno in corriera insieme, i loro genitori si conoscono, nel biennio erano più "insieme" però non mi escludevano, nemmeno a ginnastica quando si dovevano fare cose a coppie, cosa che mi è piaciuta pk ho passato le medie billizata ed isolata.

Anche se in 2 mi sentivo forse meno ascoltata, forse sono io che parlo troppo, boh, ma notavo in 2 che erano più unite.

In tutto ciò direi che siamo amiche solo a scuola, non usciamo insieme, appena finisce la scuola nel gruppo non arrivano più messaggi a meno che una di loro (M) mi mandi qualche tiktok.

(A) mi aveva chiesto di uscire perché c'era una cosa in centro, io in quegli anni, e tutt'ora non esco per vari motivi, uno tra i quali è la mia ansia sociale che va avanti da quando era cominciato il bullismo.

Io sinceramente glielo avevo detto che non volevo uscire perché c'era TANTA gente e non c'è l avrei fatta, ho sentito che si era offesa, e ci era andata alla fine con la sua famiglia.

Finisce l'estate, iniziamo la 3 e da quell'anno lei è strana, ma lo è diventata durante l'anno.

Io sono in una classe diversa pk ho scelto un altro indirizzo, quindi mi sono ritrovata sola, ho provato a fare amicizia con sta ragazza, che all'inizio sembrava le stessi sul cazzo poi vedendo che delle ragazze non la cagavano venne da me a le mie amiche, sinceramente mi sta sul cazzo per tanti motivi, 1 è una persona molto invidiosa, 2 non mi piace quando siamo sedute e comincia a parlare sull'aspetto di qualcuno prendendolo in giro, non capisco se è ironica ma fece la stessa cosa parlando dei miei occhi, mi ha detto che ho la faccia gonfia.

Infatti odio dirlo la mi tocca stare con lei per altri due anni perché non voglio stare in classe da sola, nonostante siamo in classe diverse io e le mie amiche, ci hanno articolati insieme perché nella mia classe siamo pochi, e non c'è nessuno con cui legare perché li odio tutti e la maggior parte sembra che sono "strana" per loro.

Ho notato che quando abbiamo una lezione con l'altra classe, anche le mie amiche la "odiano" però ecco sarebbe magari brutto lasciarla sola.

Ritornando ad M ed A, M questo hanno si è "legata" più a me sto anno, in ricreazione mi prende e mi dice di andare, lasciando A stare con quella ragazza di qui ho parlato prima.

A me sinceramente non piace il comportamento di M perché sembra lasci sola A, però le chiede se vuole venire ma lei dice di no.

Stessa cosa a ginnastica, M viene da me e a volte da A, insomma viene da chi le conviene ma fa di tutto per non stare con quella ragazza che odiamo.

Perciò io con A il nostro rapporto non è manco più come prima, non so se magari noi abbiamo fatto qualcosa di sbagliato, che vorrei capire perché non voglio lasciarla da sola.

A ed io eravamo anche sedute vicine nelle lezioni con entrambe le classi, e lei voleva sempre stare nel mio posto, molto bello, e io la lasciamo per a volte dicevo di no perché lo volevo, e anche lì dopo che dicevo no e continuava a chiedere, sembrava "arrabbiata" o parlare di meno, nonostante io chiedevo se fosse arrabbiata lei diceva di no ma sembrava esserlo.

So che la cosa del posto sembra da bambini però serviva dirla.

Questo anno l'ultimo giorno diceva che non voleva venire, finita scuola non ha più parlato e una cosa un po' strana era che mi facevano sempre gli auguri per il mio compleanno, ma sta volta no, mandavano pure qualche messaggio e si rispondeva ma era strano che non si fossero ricordati, per carità nessun problema capita, era solo strano.

In tutto ciò M è a molte volte non vanno d'accordo.

Ma comunque, ad esempio in ricreazione io non vado mai così a caso con M e lascio A, la aspetto finché esce, le parlo e le chiedo se vuole venire ma preferisce stare seduta, la consolo se magari piange per qualche voto ma non so se magari ho mai fatto un "comportamento " brutto e lasciata sola.

Se magari siamo tutte e 3 camminando,ed A è un po' indietro le dico di venire avanti.

Secondo voi c'è qualcosa che non va?

I'm so scared school is gonna start in 4 days and I'll have to back to wearing hijab, I'm already so stressed, I don't wanna wear those shirts and baggy jeans 😭.

It's still hot here, I can't imagine how it will be, especially doing PE, I hate it, everyone wearing t-shirts and shorts, and then me, a zipped sweatshirt letting it open, I know some hijabis wear a t-shirts and put some kind of sleeves that cover the arms but, I don't like it, I mean I would wear it, but then putting on the hijab it looks bad, and anyway it still would be hot.

It feels like torture, and then people asking how are you wearing this to run, everyone now and then I hear " Oh x aren't you hot" "you can't wear something else? " also I feel like people look at me weird when they see me dressed like that in summer.

I remember months a go, a girl, who was my best friend in primary school, and saw me wearing hijab, asked me also if it was my choice, brought up the topic while we were all sitting in class and asked me again "sooo, you chose to wear the hijab" and I was like, yes, I got influenced by my sisters.

I didn't know what to say, bc she already asked me years ago, I also feel like it seems I don't wear it by choice when they ask me.

When she asked me abt it, her face looked a bit, I don't know how to explain, she was serious maybe there was pity, I don't know, but I think they don't belive what I say, literally how can a kid decide to wear a hijab? I mean maybe some do,but I didn't decide and I hate to lie about this, but saying the truth is hard and I would say risky.

Also I feel that people treat me different, really as a hijabi they think you're some kind of religious woman who doesn't wanna talk, for example in my class there are mulism women, don't wear hijab, do whatever they want, and they treat them differently, for them they are humans that you can talk and laugh with, because they're less religious.

Also there are some male classmates, one in particular, treats my muslim friends ok, and bad me and my hijabi friend, same thing happened in middle school but it was worse at a that time for the bullying.

Then I'll have to walk everyone morning and see girls without hijab that are free 😭.

I'm jealous some people are lucky, I have this friend, she has a nice father, never forced them on hijab.

But i should not be jealous bc, maybe someone else feels same for me..?

Every day I feel that it's gonna be so hard to take it off, because of my dad and some others.

He already tells me every time to pray and I refuse by telling my mom bc I can't refuse and say it on his face, I would cry or just say yes.

I hate that we never gew up to be able to talk with him, but to be scared, I don't like this, why whenever he tells me something abt religion I just nod, not do it, but can't refuse, and if try to say something I would have to go somewhere to cry quickly.

I'm thankful uni is in another city but I'll have to commute, I can't move bc it's would be suspicious,and they won't let me.

At least I hope after high-school since I'll be 19 he'll stop caring about my actions so I can't take it off.

Months ago I wanted to be a pilot and it's still in my mind, but I'm not sure bc I want to study at uni.

And to be a pilot i would need to move out of the country or to a city far away, but that's just a thought, I'm not even sure if I would do it bc it has some cons for me, but it would certainly give me freedom.

I also feel bad to move out and leave my mom because she needs me,and I love her a lot,she has other 4 daughter but I'm scared one day she'll be alone,and it's hard when I remember that she doesn't know the language, just little and always need someone.

Sorry if I made some spelling mistakes but I wrote it quickly

When I was about to start middle school, I was at the park, and I saw a boy, my sister told me that he would be in class with me(she studied with his brother so she knows).

He looked like a good boy, he kept looking at me that day, and I remember that he also fell when he was skating.

When school started, he sat in front of me and whenever something fell from my desk he would always pick it up.

I had almost fell on the first day if it wasn't from him.

He was always so kind and gentle, but this memories are from 1-2 year of middle school.

I don't remember anything from the 3rd year,I just remember that on the last month before finishing school we were in art class, sitting together (I think bc I was using his colors) and we were laughing.

Also, in these 3 years of middle school I was getting a bit bullied,I cried, I was also left alone during school break, so now I think, if maybe he had a crush on me, he wouldn't let me stay alone?

Btw he and his friend was also getting a bit bullied.

Now I'm I'm gonna start the 4th year of high-school, and I don't understand, why only in these months, I started noticing all the things he did for me 4/5 years ago.

We go now to the same school, we greeted each other I think 4 times in 3 years.

But I remember last year, when he saw me, he greeted me saying my name and was smiling.

So my mind started over thinking if he loved me or not, or if he does now, which is a bit impossible bc he would've done something, right?

Also I started to think a lot about him in the last 4 months, I don't think it's love, maybe I feel like that bc I think he likes me.

I've had some crushes but only lasted months and I would always crie thinking that none loves me, then I started to think about him.

Summary : basically there was a boy from middle school who treated me really nice and looked at me a lot, now, at 17,we go to the same high school and I would like to know if he likes me?

If you can read the text bc it's more clear.

Am I overthinking too much and maybe he just doesn't like me?

I'm already passing a bad time in school and at home.

And since I don't wanna to mess with my sleep this year to, I started to sleep early and Its good, but I never had breakfast before school, since I get anxious, stomach ache, then I come back at 2 pm, eat, stay in bed and study late bc I feel so tired.

To the people who started sleeping early and eating breakfast, do you feel you are concentrated and learn more in class?

I was thinking that school is approaching, that means hijab, 6 days a week, for 6 hours.

I just got used to be hijab free all summer at home and it's gonna be weird wearing it that much.

This is one of the things that makes me anxious abt school, there are other things too like my social anxiety.

Sometimes I think that maybe, I should stop caring about hijab because maybe I'm just exaggerating.

Like, imagine I go to my parents,or sisters, I say I hate hijab, it has ruined my life, I don't go out because of it, they would be like "you're exaggerating, it's not that deep, you're crazy".

I hate the fact that when I'll go back to school, when in class they ask where did we go, they always bring up the beach, "Oh what you wear to the beach if you need to cover" "Oh so you can't do that, ect" type of question that stress me because I don't wanna talk about anything related to THAT topic.

Maybe I'm stressing abt useless things, I have no one to talk about irl, just here.

Also, I was thinking, about, how will i say to my mom abt hijab(not now) she will accept it but maybe not be happy bc of what people think.

Then I thought that ofc I would not dare say it to my father, I need my mom, but I already know she will say "you want to take it off, you go and confront him" she said the same thing when I said to her that I don't wanna pray, nor study quran like dad said.

She was OK but YOU need to say it to him.

Why??? I mean, you're my mom and should help me, she doesn't even have the courage to say that to him.

It's not my fault if I'm vulnerable in front of him bc we were taught to not to cry, laugh out loud or talk, when there's him.

How can she even think i will be that strong to even look at him and say it to his face?

My mom isn't abusive, I love her and she loves me, I know what she passed through, but sometimes I think I would be happier if she helped me.

If I take it off now, I'll get into problems with my father bc I already don't pray, study quran, so for him I'm straight forward a kafirah and he'll go to hell bc I didn't listen to his "advice".

After high-school, I'll be at uni away, an adult so maybe he will understand I'm old enough to decide.

Sorry for the confusion , I said a bunch of different things and just wanted to get them off my head.

I was thinking, if men are so obsessed with representing Islam, why don't they wear a thobe, with the hat(I don't know the name) that they wear in the mosque, and put it in their daily life, wear it in summer?

I would really like to see how they feel walking and people see them as Islam instead of human beings.

As a forced hijabi who wants to take it off and waiting for college to get freedom, I hate that I'm an Islam symbol and that at school, classmates ask me why we wear hijab, I don't like that question bc I don't want to talk about that.

Sometimes they ask me if I wore it by choice, I say yes, I lie, but I get uncomfortable, my smile just drops when they start asking questions abt Islam.

I can't say the truth bc I'll get into problems, and if maybe I say" I don't wanna talk about this " it would be weird.

I have a hijabi religious friend, and I hate when she answers these questions, it looks like we're in a cult.

And it's worse when the teachers are the one who ask😭

Girls who are still wearing hijab and hate it, how do you deal with questions regarding hijab and Islam?

In the last 2 years, I didn't go out a lot.

There was one reason, social anxiety, but this year since my hate towards the hijab started, I've been hating going out in public.

And I really don't understand why since this hate for hijab I stopped thinking about this anxiety, I just stopped caring abt it.

School, I still hate walking with it on my head, but I can survive 2 more years to then have more freedom, take it off in university, I talked abt it with some people and they told be it's the best bc I'll be an adult and parents won't get in the way.

The thing is, in these 3 months of summer break, I've gone out, like 7 times between dentist appointments, shopping for "modest clothes" which I hated.

And I'm scared that maybe not going out every day has a bad result on my health. I've started being more healthy like going to bed on time, no phone, learning languages, which I've been doing almost every day in these 3 months,i help around the house.

My mom told me I probably have a deficiency in vitamin D bc of this.

Has any of you been like that too bc of the hijab?

My sisters lately has started to wear some short sleeves till the elbow with hijab, and it's been some months, today, my father came and said:"try to wear a shirt or something with longer sleeves", she said that "it's ok dressing like that" but my father said "okok, he said it a way, like ok, enough, do what you want.

That made me feel, more vulnerable and sad, because it's making it harder take off hijab.

If he says this to my 25 yo sister, what he will say about me?

My mom said she doesn't care, my sister said he doesn't have a say.

I feel that my sister's would be ok, and even support me, my mom won't care, she only cares abt my father's reaction.

So the problem is him,i still feel I have no courage to talk about it with them since it's a sensitive topic for me.

I feel like I'll just start to cry if I talk Update :I just heard something that I never thought my dad would say, so basically my sister, the one I was talking abt, was complaining and said"why he talks about my t shirt if one day he said to sister x she can take off her hijab if she wants." I was shocked, my dad saying something like that? So after years of forcing hijab, ruining lives, he says this? As I heard that, I felt relief, but thers still yk difficulty in saying what I want to do

Ho 17 anni, a settembre faccio la 4 superiore, e dall'inizio delle medie va tutto di merda.

Alle medie sono stata bullizzata, e sempre stata sola e isolata, poi le superiori le sto odiando, non per il carico di studio, quello in realtà non mi cambia, ma giusto il fatto che mi sento sola quando dobbiamo fare robe insieme e tutti hanno I loro amici, è proprio l'ambiente che mi mette ansia.

La mia classe fa schifo, la maggior parte li odio, soprattutto delle ragazze, e sento che non mi vogliono giusto vedendo risatine.

Non mi interessa avere amici o no lì all'università perché so già che non sarò obbligata a fare cose a coppie, gruppi,socializzare.

Perciò ho sempre pensato che all'università, studiando ciò che vorrò, sarà meglio, no?

Oppure mi sto sbagliando?

I wanted to talk about something I heard my mom and sisters talk about.

So, they were talking about why, a girl, that we know(family friends), was going to a uni 1 hour from home, in another city when, the major that she wants to study, is in our province there's a campus where she can study there her major.

And when they were with her mom in a dinner between friends, they told her mom that she can study it here, and the mom explained that her daughter told her that this major is only in x city.

Basically she lied, because she wanted more freedom, why?

Where we live, everyone know your parents, and it happens often that if they see you with someone, maybe wearing "reveling clothes" they say that to your parents.

The girl isn't wearing hijab but she still can't wear whatever she wants, so she probably just wants more freedom.

Then they talked about the same thing, just a different girl, I know her, she has a strict muslim mother who wants to force hijab on them, and a lot was forbidden to wear.

I don't understand why they say this, okay the girl wants another city, more difficult to go, but maybe she just wants freedom?

I'm planning to go to that city too(my sister goes), if one day I decide to dress in another way, no one is there so say it to my parents.

In my province, there aree A LOT of muslim people who's gonna talk about me, especially if they know that my father.

Now, they said that to these girls, what about me? The major I'm thinking about, can be studied here too,and it's more well known here that major.

And I already know what they will say, same thing they said about these 2 girls,"they want to go far away, I wonder what they want to do, dressing ect".

They will 100% think I want to do something bad, because I'll have taken the hijab off at that moment.

I still have 2 years more to decide, I hope if I chose a major that's gonna be in that city.

I'll have to wake up at 5:30,50 min of train, not everyday of course, and it depends on the major, because in some you don't have to be in class.

It's not really a major I "love" just something I'll just study If I don't know what to do.

What about you, do you study in a different city? How is it? More freedom?

Since school is gonna start, and the question I get about hijab by female classmates, I need someone to help me know what to say.

Since I wore hijab, everyone asked me if I wore it by choice, I always said yes because my parents told me, so people won't think they're forcing me, but they were.

Therefore I never said the truth, and each year when school starts, especially when it's hot, they start by asking me if I'm hot, then they slowly drift the conversation and ask directly if I like hijab, if I wore it by choice,why we wear hijab.

And I remember saying only it was my choice.

But I'm always careful abt what to say bc I have this hijabi friend, we're only friends at school by the way, she's really traditional and religious and somethings are awful for her since she came here in the west only 4/5 years ago.

When they ask her about religion, hijab she says explains, and, I'm sorry to say that but I feel like I hate what she says bc then people think we're in a cult.

She also always says to me to cover my collarbone with hijab when sometimes is showing, even if I say I don't care, she just looks at me like I'm making a sin, and I remember some girls looking at us like we're weird.

One day, this year, we we're just laughing, and she asked me when I wore hijab, and when I heard that word, my smile dropped but I forced the smile, and I have this habit that my lips tremble a bit in situations where I'm anxious.We've had this tipe of conversation a lot but every now and then she asks.

I know she's a nice person, and more close to me and not to other friends just because I wear hijab.

How should I answer to questions regarding this topics? I don't think saying how I feel about hijab is a good thing to this hijabi friend and classmates.

Should I just say I don't wanna talk about it? Maybe it'll seem that I hate it?

But then it's worse when we're sat in class and they ask her and me, because she's gonna give disgusting answers.

Also, she's like that with me bc she knows dad is an imam, so everyone expects I'm Islam in real person.

And I don't have only this friend, I have another, she's more progressive and really doesn't care, and sometimes the hijabi starts to make a whole argument for religion.

Just to say, I passed 3 fucking months thinking about hijab, sometimes crying, so whenever I hear people asking me this questions my heart sinks.

I just wanna be prepared and not seem like a fool in front of them.

I can't wait to get out of here and start a new life