quick question: did any of y’all experienced manipulation and mental abuse for wanting to take of the hijab? i had it a few months ago and couldn’t hold it mentally anymore so i kept my hijab on. now im planning on taking it off again but i know i will get mentally abused. If you experience this could u let me know how it went or what u did?
A lot of people argue that hijab is not mandatory. And while that’s a valid discussion in itself, it sometimes misses the bigger issue.
Even if hijab were the most important thing in Islam, people still have the right to not wear it. And still be treated with respect, dignity, and basic human decency.
Muslims love to parrot “hijab is mandatory” as if that justifies pressuring someone into wearing it. But even if something is religiously obligatory, that does not give you the right to shame, harass, or police people over it.
If we got on Muslims for every single sin the way we do hijab, we’d see a lot less Muslims. People lie, gossip, backbite, mistreat others, neglect prayer, and commit all sorts of sins, yet very few things receive as much scrutiny as a woman not covering her hair.
The problem is not simply whether hijab is mandatory or not. The problem is the culture of moral policing, misogyny, and purity culture.
Honestly did not think about this when I thought I'd take off the hijab because I do not think it's obligatory, and honestly I don't even think it is necessary to pray, but because of the society we live in and the indoctrination it would feel very weird to pray without the hijab in public yk, so how am I supposed to deal with this, especially because all the Hijabis online love to bash ppl by saying "don't wear it if you can't face Allah in it"
Like the absolute bs???😭 men can face Allah, the creator of the universe, without covering their hair but women can't because how blasphemous?? Make it make sense, isn't Allah ever-present and all seeing wdym we have to be modest against Him SWT
THIS MAKES NO SENSE BRUH
How did you stand firm on your decision and survive the emotional warfare with your parents/family? My mom is a master manipulater and my dad is unpredictable and will not hesitate to pretend like you don’t exist while being nasty. I do have to clarify though, i don’t believe i’m in any physical danger.
I get really pissed off when men claim they want to "protect" women by making them wear hijab.
I was watching a TikTok from “lizyapping” (go check her out), and she brought up something that resonated deeply with me: men claim they care about hijab because they want to “protect” women. But where is that same energy when women actually face the consequences of wearing hijab?
Where is this "protection" when Muslim women face Islamophobia, harassment, discrimination, stares, discomfort, or social isolation?
Where is this "protection" when Muslim women face abuse and violence at the hands of MUSLIM men?
Not to mention that hijab doesn't "protect" women from anything. Even women in burkhas still get harassed and abused by men.
Men don't actually care about "protecting" women so much as they do controlling them.
And honestly, I don’t care if a man is the Grand Scholar of Saudi Arabia. You are a MAN! You will never understand what it’s like to be a woman. So shut up your mouse!
Hijab is like abortion: No uterus, no opinion!
I've gotten so much shit for taking off the hijab. Random people have said some really awful things about me. But the mental clarity after taking it off is UNREAL. I didn't realize how much of my time was spent thinking "when am I going to take it off?" "will my family still love me after?" "what will this person think of me?" "am I going to hell if I take it off?" "am I being dramatic?" It really was all-consuming. Once you get past those first few days/weeks without it, it's so peaceful. My mind hasn't been this quiet in a long time.
I also didn't realize how much my existence revolved around the hijab. I was constantly wondering "are they thinking x about me because of the hijab?" "am I making hijabis look bad?" now I'm just me and it's so nice. I'm not carrying the weight of a million expectations anymore.
So call me a slut! Call me whatever you want! I can't hear you over the sound of the wind in my hair.
I have been forced to wear my hijab at 9 years old by my dad. I am the oldest between 6 sisters and we were all forced to wear the hijab at a young age.
I have endured physical and emotional violence at the hands of my parents since i was a child especially around religious stuff such as being forced to take islamic lessons, go to islamic camps, not being able to watch certain cartoons because the girls in it dressed in short clothes, no talking to boys no going on school overnight trips… etc and being hit pretty badly by my dad if i didn’t comply with his rules
When I went to uni I started therapy and i have been in therapy for 7 years now. During this time, i got diagnosed with severe anxiety and an autoimmune immune disease which is directly related to stress.
Fortunately, in the past couple of years i have processed a lot of my trauma, met the love of my life, finished my masters and im getting married next month :)
As I let myself be more and more independent, and more free, I keep realising that my hijab holds me back because it’s a piece and a reminder of my old life and something that never consented to.
In the past year I let go of everything i have been taught about islam and started discovering it in my own lens as a religion built on love and comfort and not fear and suffering.
And as each day goes by I become more convinced that I dont wanna be wearing a hijab. Realising that makes me really anxious because im scared of my family, of how they’re gonna react especially my dad. Im scared im gonna lose my mom because while she loves me dearly, my dad has always been her number 1 and she would trade me and all my siblings just for him.
I’m scared of the unknown, scared of what is gonna happen when i take it off, and if i even have the courage in me to take it off or i will always wear it because im scared and never get to be truly myself.
I don’t know what to do, i would love to hear from women who have been through similar experiences and can relate to my anxiety
Thank you for reading all the way❤️
Is it just me, or is the obsession with hijab fairly modern?
For reference, nobody in my family wore hijab before the 2000s. My grandmothers never wore one, and my mom didn't wear one until marriage. Modesty was still a thing, but there wasn't this obsession with head covering specifically.
But now, hijab has basically become the sixth pillar of Islam. Especially with social media. There's this weird obsession with what women wear that I've never seen before.
Not to mention all of these rules. Until I went on social media, I had never heard that you had to cover your neck and every strand of hair. Atleast where I'm from, women do cover their heads, but are not obsessed with covering absolutely everything.
Everything has gotten so conservative lately. I blame the spread of Wahhabism and Arabization in Muslim countries.
What do you guys think?
Disclaimer: This is not hate towards my mom (or anyone, for that matter).
I find it very unfair that my mom got to just exist as a non-hijabi and choose to wear hijab on her own terms. Whereas I'm being scrutinized for wanting the same freedom.
For context, my mom did not wear hijab until she had me. Surprisingly, my dad never told her to wear it either.
Even when she started wearing it, she didn't wear it consistently.
On the other hand, I "chose" to wear it at 10, and apparently can never take it off. Even though I was eventually able to take it off, I'm judged and scrutinized for my decision every day. I still feel like I'm not allowed to exist as myself.
How is it fair that my mom was able to explore at my age, but I’m not?
How is it realistic to expect someone to remain exactly the same person they were at 10 years old?
Now, I’m facing the consequences for something I never truly chose.
The whole thing makes my blood boil.
Is anyone else trying to move out?
I'm going insane living with my family. But the cost of everything is just as insane 😩
I gave myself a deadline about taking off the hijab, it's basically after my finals when I'll not be in the same friend group anymore (for context everyone in my friend group is a hijabi) soo my finals are so close, I'm freaking excited, nervous and overall a mess, idek how to explain this feeling, I'm gonna dye my hair and take the hijab off and go to uni, it's easier said than done, but I am excited and very scares icl.
I know this is kind of off topic, but I genuinely do not want to marry an "Islamic" man.
We're always told that we should be looking for a man who's "on his deen", prays 5x, hafiz, all that jazz.
But personally, I don't see myself with someone like that at all. Sure, I do want someone muslim, but not someone who makes religion their whole personality.
I don't want a man who has "gheerah" and polices my clothing. I don't want a "traditional" muslim man. I don't want someone who thinks everything is haram.
I find most religious muslim men insufferable. They are almost always deeply patriarchal, emotionally stunted, and judgmental.
People act like religiosity automatically translates to kindness, emotional intelligence, or compatibility. It doesn’t. A man who prays 5 times a day does not automatically make him marriage material. I wish we would stop pretending it does.
I know, I know, not every religious man is like this. But I would rather marry a non-muslim over a "religious" muslim man any day.
It's so hard to find a progressive muslim man.
To be completely honest, it is very hard to stay Muslim as a woman. Especially when you are constantly reminded that you are less than a man, or seen as immoral just because you don’t cover your hair.
And before people rush to say it: yes, I know the lines already.
“Islam is perfect, Muslims are not.”
“It’s culture, not Islam.”
But when there are literal hadith, legal rulings, and centuries of scholarship that place restrictions on women in ways men will never experience, it becomes very hard to unsee. At some point, you have to acknowledge that some of the problems are coming from the religion itself. Or at the very, very least, the way the religion has historically been interpreted and enforced.
What hurts most is that women are expected to carry this burden silently. If you question anything, you are accused of being weak in faith, influenced by “the West”, emotional, rebellious, arrogant, immodest, ungrateful, all the adjectives.
My faith has just been hanging on a thread lately. I really wish I did not feel this way. I really do. But it comes to a point where it becomes emotionally draining trying to convince yourself over and over that you are equally valued while constantly being made to feel otherwise.
I know some people will dismiss this immediately. But I also know I am not the only Muslim woman who feels this way.
I have diagnosed ocd and when i wore the hijab it was out of compulsion. When i gout of it i regrettes immediately because i went from 0 to 100 a year later and i still regret it. Now that i want to take it off i’m scared i will be taking it off and on out of compulsion evertytime. it’s like a fight with my mind everyday
Is it just me, or do I find modesty very performative?
For example, my mom expects me to wear a scarf or cardigan over an already fully covering loose top because the extra layer is supposedly “more modest.” The scarf barely covers my chest. It’s just for show. But somehow, a lower neckline + cardigan/scarf is considered more “modest” than a plain loose full-coverage shirt by itself. Make it make sense.
I find modesty as a whole performative. As long as you wear hijab, you are automatically seen as a “good” muslim/person even if you do every other sin under the sun. Meanwhile, someone who doesn’t wear hijab could be a good person, but will always been seen as “less than”.
I also feel like it’s easy to hide behind hijab and not improve yourself, because you’re already seen as the pinnacle of muslim woman.
To be honest, I sometimes miss wearing hijab.
Now that I don't wear it anymore, I have to constantly worry about my hair. I have curly hair, so it's a lot to manage.
It would be nice to wear a hijab sometimes just for convenience. And honestly, I think it looks nice.
But at the same time, I don't want to give people the impression that I'm planning to wear hijab full-time again. I don't want to become a "hijabi".
I wish it were socially acceptable to wear it on and off, like any other piece of clothing. Like, if I want to wear a hijab one day, and then shorts the next, that shouldn't be such a big deal.
I just hate how all-or-nothing hijab is.
Does anyone else feel this way?
so i got this app to talk about my situation and to see others perspectives on it.
im 20years (turning 21 in a month) and i wear the hijab (forced) since i was 13. at that time i wast practicing “religion” or praying. i did had to go to Mosque every Saturday to learn the Quran and Arabic. this all happened in summer time. my niece (who already wore the hijab) was about to transfer schools and come in my class after summer break. during that summer we were very close and hang out a lot. so every time i saw her, i would see her father, my uncle. and since it was clear that she would come to my class he would say that i need to wear the hijab once she joins me. at first i was like no?? but every single time i would see him he would say it more aggressively and it made me very uncomfortable. this would go on the WHOLE summer.
fast forward to the night before school started: i did not sleep that night. i did not deserve to feel the way i did back then. all that kept me awake was “what is he going to do or say if he sees me without hijab”. i was young and scared of what people would do or say to me if i didn’t put it on. my relationship with my sister wasn’t really great so all she said was that it was my choice and i shouldn’t listen to him. and there was i, a 13year old, who didn’t practice the religion, in a hijab on the first day of school.
at school i was well known as a crazy girl. i was very social and extroverted. but since the day i put the hijab on, everything in me changed. i became depressed and all i was thinking about was death. there was no joy left in me and at that time i didn’t think it was because of the hijab. i was young and come on, what do u expect from someone with no to little life experience. i’ve lived with my depression (still am but doing better) for a long time. i wrote every feeling down, i didn’t want to do anything other than rotting in bed. lets keep going.
as years went by i started to find myself and religion. i realised that the problem was never just the hijab itself. It was the way I was pushed into it. I never truly chose it for myself. Every time I put it on, it reminded me of fear, pressure and the feeling that I had no control over my own life. Instead of bringing me closer to religion, it made me feel disconnected from myself and from everything around me. I tried forcing myself to love it because I thought I had to, but deep down it only made me feel trapped.
October 2025 i was about to take it off. i almost told my whole family on my mother’s side that i would. the reactions i’ve had weren’t as bad as my mother’s and sister. “u showed me that u worship shaitan instead of God” “ur uncle did a great job, i don’t see nothing wrong with it” “i wont see u as my sister if u take it off” “ur ruining our family name” etc. obviously these words get to my cuz these are my closest people to me? why are they like this? on the day i wanted to take it off, they manipulated me into keep wearing it. also, because i was done with all the comments and just dragging down words, i kept it on. i still hate myself for keeping it on. i just had to do it right there and then.
even after all these months, i still feel the same. im deconstructing religion right now and trying to relearn islam based on what God actually gave us instead of cultural or man made rules. i’ve been thinking about taking my hijab off again, but this time without warning anyone. they’ll just see me without it one day. i can’t lie and say im not scared of what my family will say, especially my sister because her words really stayed with me. but at the same time, i dont feel guilty for wanting to take it off. my relationship with God still matters deeply to me and i still pray, communicate with Him and try to keep that connection strong.
I don’t know exactly what will happen next, but I know I deserve to make this choice with peace instead of fear. BUT HOWWW, im constantly overthinking about what my closest family would say or do
I've made a post before regarding how my parents all of a sudden turned on me one day about me not wearing hijab on daily and that all happened because of a phone call from a relative who hadn't contacted us in decades but, got interested in me for her son's marriage 🙄.
This all started when the relative all of a contacted and came to visit us suddenly (after literal 20 years!). She used to be close with my mom when they were kids and said that it has been years since they last contacted so wanted to meet while she was in our city. After the usual talks she showed vague interest in me. Back then my mom already explained how I was and how we were just incase if she was considering me for her son. Our families met later and they liked me but the guy, his sister and mom seemed really particular about covering up (like hijab and abaya. For which ofcourse I said my stance of where I'm comfortable (religious gatherings and orthodox families) and even then I just wrap a scarf around, not the full on hair covered hijab with a head cap.
Anyways, she later called my mom and started spewing all the things about how they'll be punished after death coz of their choice of letting me do want I wnat and not only me but other men in the nearest family and etc...u get the gist. And then that night my parents began arguing about this with me and then it turned into a real loud verbal fight after this. They said a lot of hurtful things and I didn't speak to them for a couple days coz they understood me before and a phonecall from a practically a stanger changed them.
That's what I thought, but the family except the guy came yesterday to meet us...again! And my mom can't say no ofcourse coz "they're relatives". And then we divulged again into my "stance on not wearing hijab". I really didn't expect to talk about this with anyone outside my family but I politely told them AGAIN what my view is personally even after my mom tolder her several times. Kid you not, this same topic went on for 2 hours in a loop where my mom kept saying to give me time and she'll do it later if she has to when she grows older. And then the sister and mother kept on preaching stuff in a condescending manner and repeating the punishment things again and again.. The father atleast understood our view and decided to let the discussion be but omg...the mother was just insisting the same thing on and on! My dad atlast got tired and gave them of examples of exemplary women who have done great stuff and how their existence isn't just reduced to how they chose not to wear hijab or how they didn'tcover enough! Also about how there are many more things men do are considered "haram" but the society is lenient towards them coz of how male dominated it is ( I genuinely was listening to all of this after I left to my bedroom and teared up...I was so happy my parents were standing by me especially I never my dad to lecture them like this coz he has never done that before).
I had infact told them that whether they really want me to forcefully wear it just coz someone said? Like what's the use then...Am I just wearing it to please the society and not for Allah? I never imagined myself explaining like this to some relatives...And tbh I don't care about the guy. Although he looked good and is doing decent in his career, his personality from atleast the only time we met was so dull and boring. More than that, I really don't want my future to be with someone so orthodox and non-understanding.
At the end, my view is still the same. A piece of cloth still doesn't define me as a person.