r/Without_The_Hijab

I hate the term modesty and how morality is tied to how much of your skin is visible. I feel far more objectified and sexualised by covering every inch of my body than if I were to wear a crop top and shorts, because of the expectation there is to cover. Women's bodies are treated like sexual objects rather than normal human bodies like men's are. The traditional Islamic definition of 'modesty' is so extreme and I can't understand why the vast majority of muslim women think their hair, arms and legs and sometimes even hands and feet are considered sexual. I'll never be able to get behind this idea. Every time I'm surrounded by muslims I instantly feel self conscious and like I'm dressed inappropriately no matter what I'm wearing. It feels so dehumanising and it's just not fair, men get to wear whatever they like and they have no concept of modesty.

Someone brought this up in a previous post of mine.

Muslims often react very badly to women not wearing hijab. Heck, even if you are wearing hijab, they'll still react if you're wearing it "incorrectly": showing some hair, your neck, or not dressing "modestly" enough.

But if showing your hair is supposedly akin to nudity, then why do Muslims have no problem interacting with non-hijabi women?

Think about it; if you saw a naked person, you wouldn't just shrug it off. You would avoid looking, leave the area, or call the police. It wouldn't matter what that person's religion or beliefs are.

By that logic, Muslims shouldn't even be outside, because they're technically surrounded by "nudity."

But that's the thing.

You know, I know, and we all know that hair isn't sexual. Hair is not a sexual organ. No sane person reacts to hair the way they would to actual nudity.

And why hair, of all things? A woman's face is arguably more attractive than her hair. If the concern is preventing attraction, why is the face left uncovered?

At least niqabis are consistent.

Even when I wore hijab, I never found the "it's about modesty" argument convincing. Because what is immodest about hair?

It's more accurate to call hijab a religious symbol, similar to a yarmulke or turban, then something for "modesty".

Growing up, I was taught that my worth lay in my body. How covered it was. How “pure” I was.

My mom would tell me that a guy will date a "fashionable" girl, but ultimately marry the "modest" girl.

She once had a nightmare where I was wearing a miniskirt.

Not me dying. Not me hurt. Me wearing a...miniskirt?

But as I grow older, the cracks started to form.

You mean to tell me, that an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-merciful God: the Creator of galaxies, oceans, and every living thing, is deeply concerned with whether my hair is covered? Or the fabric on a woman’s body?

That doesn’t sound like God at all. That sounds an awful lot like a petty, abusive man.

Although I've long moved on from those beliefs, my body still hasn't caught up yet.

I still feel uncomfortable wearing a T-shirt. I still hear that familiar voice telling me I'm disappointing Allah. That I'm sinning. That I'm shameful.

For a long time, I mistook that voice for my own conscience.

But I realize that voice was never mine.

It was years of conditioning. Years of being taught that my worth depended on how modest and obedient I was. Years of being taught to shrink myself and not draw attention.

Now, I see it for what it is: a script written by someone else. Someone trying to control me.

You could be dressing like these women in Afghanistan and they would complain about your shade in sun. NOTHING WILL SATISFY THEM EVER! AND THERE IS NO LINE THEY WOULD DRAW.

I noticed that women take it off after wearing it are treated much worse then women who never wore it in the first place.

At worse, those women will be seen as "sinful". At best, people will give them the benefit of the doubt and think they will eventually wear it. There is no other "reference point", so them not wearing it is the default.

But if you take it off after wearing it, you are seen as having "fallen". As "choosing" to sin.

Which makes no sense. Like, at least I tried?

This is why it's especially sinister seeing a child wear hijab. You are setting them up for failure if they ever want to take it off.

I didn't expect how differently people would respond to me socially after taking off the hijab.

Sure, I expected that people probably treated me differently with the hijab but I had no idea just how much until I experienced the other side.

And I mean really ordinary, everyday interactions.

I have social anxiety, which makes me hyper aware of things like eye contact, facial expressions, and people's reactions. Over time I've realized that, without the hijab, people seem to register me as an individual. With the hijab on I often felt like I was immediately categorized as "religious muslim woman'' and that was the end of the interaction before it even began.

People often say the hijab makes you stand out because it's visually distinctive. In my experience that's only half the story. I was highly visible as a symbol, but socially invisible as a person.

I've come to realize how much the hijab functions as a social boundary. Almost like it communicates ''don't intrude'' or ''keep a respectful distance''.

What shocked me most wasn't that I suddenly got more attention. It was that people stopped mentally skipping over me. It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it yourself

With the hijab, people rarely even made eye contact. Their gaze would just glide over me, almost like I was part of the background, an observer rather than someone to engage with.

Without it, I catch people casually looking at me all the time. People smile. They make eye contact. Strangers start conversations while waiting for an elevator or standing in line. Cashiers chat. These things happen surprisingly often now, whereas before they almost never did. So I notice the difference immediately.

And before someone says it's because I'm carrying myself differently, I'm really not. I wear the same clothes, have the same personality. The only thing that's changed is that I'm no longer wearing a headscarf.

One example that really demonstrates this: I go to the same coffee place all the time for years now. The guy working there never really made eye contact or chatted with me, despite seeing me regularly. Then one day I went in without my hijab. Suddenly he smiled, made eye contact, joked around with me and started making small talk. I've talked more with this guy in those 10 minutes without the headscarf on than I have in the previous years combined.

This is just one example but I've got many more. It makes me quite sad because I wonder how many small connections never happened simply because the hijab stood between me and other people.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Did anyone else outgrow hijab?

In hindsight, I feel like I would’ve stopped wearing hijab eventually. Maybe because my relationship with religion would’ve changed. Or maybe because it no longer made sense for my life.

Frankly , it’s unrealistic that we’re expected to wear the exact same thing for the rest of our lives with no breaks.

For me, hijab was something I simply outgrew. Kind of like an old pair of shoes.

I’m angry that I “chose” to wear hijab as a child, and now am being punished for that choice as an adult.

I feel like my childhood was stolen from me. Because what child can make a lifelong decision such as hijab?

When I first took it off, my mom got upset, telling me how I used to such a “good muslim girl”.

But was I ever? Or was I just a little girl who wanted approval like any other?

Now I’m suffering the consequences of taking off I never truly understood.

I feel like a huge injustice is being done against me.

I know I can’t go back in time. And that I only have the future to look forward too.

But I’m so angry.

Does anyone else get irked by this phrase?

The word "journey" implies that there is a destination everyone is supposed to arrive at.

Notice how it's almost always said to women who don't wear hijab. The assumption is that we're all on the same path, and that eventually we should be wearing it. Our feelings and autonomy be damned.

Imagine if a stranger came up to you and said "Running a marathon is a journey. InshaAllah you'll do it one day," You would think they were crazy. How do you even know I want to run a marathon? Who decided that is my goal?

But that’s exactly what they do. They impose their views onto others without any consideration whatsoever.

Sorry, YOU are on a hijab journey. Not me. Don't bring me into this.

I bet these same (presumably hijabi) women would be offended if a niqabi told them, "Niqab is a journey. InshaAllah Allah will guide you."

Yet they have no problem telling this to other women.

To be completely honest, the reason I don’t want to wear hijab is because of the lifestyle.

We spend a lot of time debating whether hijab is mandatory or not, but rarely talk about the lifestyle that comes with it.

Let’s be honest: wearing hijab is more than just clothing. It is a lifestyle. And that lifestyle comes with real responsibilities that should not be understated. Just as being a vegan or eating healthy comes with certain responsibilities, so does hijab. I don’t that is controversial to say.

Personally, I don’t want that lifestyle. I don’t want to be constantly scrutinized by Muslims and non-Muslims. I don’t want to feel like I stand out or like I am constantly representing Islam. I don’t want to rearrange my whole life around hijab.

And honestly, I like the ease that comes with not wearing hijab. I like being able to feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. I like being able to wear what I want. I like being able to simply exist as myself.

I know some people will say, “This dunya is a test.” But I don’t want to spend my life forcing myself into something that does not feel right for me. We only have one life, and I would rather live mine in a way that is authentic.

Just as not everyone wants to be vegan, not everyone wants to be a hijabi. That does not mean someone is shallow, lost, or “struggling” with hijab.

This is not a jab at hijabis. I respect women who choose to wear it. If wearing hijab brings them happiness and peace, more power to them.

But that is not my experience.

Do you girls also feel like hijab changes a lot your face? I feel like it makes my head is so big, but maybe it's just because hair aren't showing. When I'm not wearing it I feel like my face is so illuminated , I look like a normal person, and then with it on my face seems...dull.

What about you?

The thing is it doesn’t matter if u stopped wearing it. The conservative community will always haunt u. You finally made peace with God and you believe you did nothing wrong? Well guess what you are still surrounded by people who thinks your body/ existence is a problem that needs to be regulated. You open a platform and you are bombard by comments that ask to take down women pics because yes your existence is again problematic to them that you are carrying endless sins upon your death by uploading pics of yourself. (Iam not even talking about pics without hijab but even your nails is problematic to them lol) Taking off hijab is not even the hardest part it’s fighting these fanatics mentally. Having such strong conscience around hijab unlike other things in religion is such interesting phenomenon and it’s something you have to fight. Guilt and hesitation don’t only come from religion but also comes and intensified from community’s conscience for something u don’t believe is wrong. It is like being born as slave and believing that slavery is wrong, so you run away from your owner, but the society around you reminds you that you will go to hell for escaping because only your owner has the right to set you. So you feel guilt for escaping even though you mentally believe its your right to be free and not be owned like object but you have internal battle between of fear and guilt and your conscience who tells u u did nothing wrong and God is not angry with u. Some might say why beloved God would throw a slave to hell for escaping by same logic why would beloved God would throw women to hell for not covering hair? But some people would dismiss this point and repeat the same statement “Hijab is mandator you must obey God, it’s sign of piety, etc” (Sorry I couldn’t come up with better example so I hope u understand what I mean) This post not attack on hijab btw but rather realizing you will never escape patriarchy even if you make hard choices like taking it off. In conclusion, some people will make you miserable for your choices to compensate for their hardship.

Muslims love to compare the hijab to a nun’s habit.

If a nun’s habit can be respected, why can't hijab?

But it is extremely disingenuous to compare the two, because they are nowhere near the same.

First of all, being a nun is a choice. Catholic women are not raised with the expectation that they will become nuns. Nor are they taught that they are deficient or sinful if they don't.

That cannot be said for muslims, where women and girls are taught from a very young age that they must wear hijab or they will go to hell. Or that they are "bad" muslims/people if they don't wear it.

Second, nuns can choose to stop being nuns. A nun can leave her religious order, stop wearing the habit, and return to ordinary life without being ostracized. On the other hand, hijab is expected to be a lifelong commitment, and taking it off can come with major social consequences.

Finally, there's a difference voluntary religious vocation and an expectation placed on ordinary women. Being a nun is a specific vocation that someone can choose. Hijab is considered mandatory for all women, regardless of whether they choose it or not.

Muslims should stop acting oblivious as to why people criticize hijab. Not every criticism is racism or Islamophobia. There are real problems with hijab, and crying “Islamophobia” every time the subject comes up is intellectually dishonest.

People are not criticizing a piece of cloth. They are criticizing the expectations, pressure, guilt, and social consequences that often surround it. Pretending those issues do not exist does not make them disappear.