u/NorthernRealmJackal

So.. this is my experience, and I'd like to remind people of the "no judgement" purpose of the sub:

I'm kind of hypersexual. I've always been attracted to most women my age; strangers, good friends, even other people's wives and girlfriends. Doesn't really matter to my monke-brain. Naturally, it's socially acceptable to want to fondle some people's genitals (e.g. strangers), and not others' (e.g. female friends), so I'll usually deny this.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but my hypothesis is that a significant portion of (heterosexual) men are like this, but literally no women are.

From what I can gather, women expect their platonic friends to not be attracted to them, and considers the thought gross/creepy/objectifying. Thus, it seems like it's impossible to explain my sexuality to them: I can like and respect a friend, and still want to see her naked. Those are not mutually exclusive, and it doesn't detract from my respect for her. I feel like women either can't or want to even attempt to understand this - or they simply don't believe that it's even remotely normal, and find the thought deeply disturbing. Again, to me, it has nothing to do with objectification or a lack of respect for women; the friendship and the attraction are both real at the same time.

So my question is this: How many of you have some degree of this hypersexual attitude? Do you feel like this kind of male sexuality is socially unacceptable and taboo, and that's why we don't talking about this? Are we collectively gaslighting women, because we know their way of seeing things is the only acceptable default?

Would like this community's opinion on something.

Wife (F36) and I (M36) have been together since 16, and were eachothers' first-and-only lovers (more or less - we were technically both virgins when we met).

My wife is what you'd call "inherently monogamous". She only wants me. She can't imagine being with someone else. It's almost like she finds the thought of sex with other men repulsive. Yes, I am very lucky. For her, monogamy doesn't seem like a choice, but rather her natural sexuality.

I, on the other hand, am definitely monogamous by choice. My sex drive is also much stronger than hers. It's not that I would ever sleep with other women (!!) - I'm still very firm in said choice. But I definitely feel like I *could," and not love my wife any less as consequence.

I feel weird and almost... sad about it: knowing I'm going to leave this earth without having ever been with another woman. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I don't see the point in apologizing for my emotions, so long as my actions aren't unethical. I deliberately don't share the extent of these.. ""polyamorus"" thoughts with my wife, because I know she would interpret it as me not loving her the same way she loves me. Which is decidedly not the case. I still choose her, every day, and I see no need to hurt her by diving into this.

My question is: Does anybody here feel like my wife does, and have you ever had to come to terms with having a partner that doesn't feel the same way? What about the other way around?

Do you think "inherently monogamous" people simply have it.. easier? For me, monogamy is my firm choice, but also a source of frustration. For her it's the most natural thing in the world. I sometimes feel like life cheated me out of being truly content, simply because of my hypersexual brain.

Jeg (m36) er lidt socialt angst, men ellers ekstrovert og lidt understimuleret, så jeg tænkte at prøve nogle find-venne-apps. Men jeg er meget nervøs for at matche med fremmede på eks. Bumble, fordi jeg er ikke så god til at sige nej, og mit mareridt er at skulle sige "nej tak" til anden/tredje "date" hvis jeg ikke synes vi vibe'er godt.

Jeg har det med at være lidt for (høfligt men entusiastisk) deltagende i samtaler, selvom de egentlig ikke interesserer mig - I kan selv gætte hvordan det indimellem resulterer i, at det er mig der er "stuck" til fester, med typer der gerne vil holde monolog om en eller anden vampyr-animé hvor man "bare lige skal igennem de første tre sæsoner á 55 afsnit, så bliver den virkelig god."

Jeg har en lidt grim fordom (sorry) om at sådanne apps er fyldt med udfordrede (ikke på den sjove måde) typer, som er dårlige til at konversere, ikke har andre venner, og generelt er off. Ja, ved godt det er groft, men det er altså min irrationelle frygt..

Så'altsååå...

• Har nogle af jer prøvet venne-dating-apps?

• Er det helt gennemsnitlige mennesker man møder, eller er det også typer hvor man tænker "wow, kan godt se hvorfor du mangler venner"?

• Har I prøvet at blive afvist, eller at afvise nogen efter et match+møde?

• ...Hvordan siges det pænt/høfligt, men bestemt nok?

• Bonus point: Hvilket platforme, apps mv. findes der udover Bumble og Boblberg?