u/O_oannaliisa

Title says it all. 25f and my boyfriend 25m. Together 4 years. We went on a 4 mile hike in 90 degree weather this morning, and he gets home and immediately lays on our bed. I just washed the sheets (a task that always falls on me because if I didn’t do it, it would never get done) and immediately asked if he would please shower first because I know he’s sweaty and we were both dirty from climbing/sitting on rocks. He told me it was fine and I told him it wasn’t, that I can’t wash the sheets for another week since we share our washing machine and have designated time slots. He knows this stuff grosses me out, and have had this argument before about him laying in bed after work without taking off his clothes (he works as a chef). He told me to grow up and I gave up on the argument and went to shower.

Came back, and he was on his phone, with his armpit laying spread out and flat on MY pillow. His sweaty, stinky armpit marinating my clean freshly washed pillow. I literally burst out in to tears and he rolled his eyes and told me I’m over reacting and can just flip it over. Then proceeded to ignore me and watch TikTok’s.

Fellow two hot takes listeners, please give your opinions. Am I being a clean freak or is this as inconsiderate as I think it is?

UPDATE:
Few hours later, wanted to say I appreciate the comments and concerns. This is a really wonderful and supportive community.
He ate, came back to me and apologized very sweetly.

To clarify, he pulls his weight in lots of aspects. He cooks because if he didn’t, I would get by on protein shakes and ice cream. I do the dishes. Same goes with laundry; I wash the sheets/clothes because if I didn’t, they wouldn’t get washed unless they were stained or smelly. He helps me fold/put them away. We do have balance in our relationship, and he is a wonderful person with many great attributes. I love him dearly and am not being abused or taken advantage of, nor do I think I should leave him over this.

We have different ideas of what cleanliness means. Before we lived together, his space was a prime example of early 20’s bachelor pad. He’s come around for me with many things (no shoes/work clothes on the bed, not leaving clothes on the floor, etc.) and I normally don’t get that kind of response back from him when I request something like this. He helps me out with a lot of tasks/chores that he wouldn’t do if we didn’t live together.

He was tired, hangry, wanted to lay down. Was his reaction inconsiderate and mean? Yes. Should he have just hopped in the shower to spare me from the cortisol spike? Yeah. But I don’t think he intentionally put his armpit on my pillow, he’s not a calculated abuser who’s trying to ruin my life. He was sprawled out and focused on his phone, I genuinely don’t think he thinks about those things because it doesn’t bother him the way it bothers me. He acknowledged what he did, is making me salmon for dinner tonight, and I’m choosing the movie. AND best believe, he will be buying me extra pillowcases/sheets for any future forgetfulness.

Opinions and comments are still welcomed!