u/Objective_College439

I've been struggling with being in the thick of a depression for a few weeks now. I've had depression for years and years, but sometimes it rears its ugly head.

I've just been feeling worthless lately. Small. Powerless and hopeless. But more than anything, I've been feeling lonely.

I spent some time in a psych ward and then an outpatient program recently. I just feel like if I talk about this to my family, they're gonna want me to go back in. And I just can't afford to. I can't miss more work. I'm barely scraping by as it is. I struggle talking to my friends about it. We're all struggling right now, and I don't want to put my burden on anyone else.

I've just been feeling like there's no point to anything anymore. I feel like any time I express that I want something, life just shuts that door. It feels like I'm not meant to have anything I want in life. So, I've just tried to stop wanting. It's a cop out, I know. And it's impossible.

And what I want more than anything is to be with someone who I love. Someone who loves me. It's been a long time since I was dating. And I've had a run of bad luck. I was cheated on in my last three major relationships. Makes me feel like I'm the only common denominator there. Like it's my fault. Maybe it was.

Maybe joy is just not meant for me.

My shuffle keeps playing the same songs in the same order. Anyone else?