u/Objective_Hall9316

My dad passed away about 6 years ago. My mom is an absolutely rotten narcissist took every opportunity to twist his gears and escalate until things blew up. She knew he had ptsd. He was too catholic to leave her. Sure, he screwed up and lost the house, but she was relentless in tormenting him until he blew up. I could hear their arguments, like horror movies silently screaming to myself “don’t go in there!” and my dad would inevitably fall into into a trap. He’s dead now. I’m not.

She tries to pull the same routine on me. I know better. I’m not supposed to get angry?!?!?! About anything that happened?! Or anything that ever will?!?! Oh, dear. I’ve got receipts. I’ve seen this horror show. I’ll hold the mirror for the monster and watch her lose her mind.

Stay calm. Stay calculated. Never forget they’re the problem and they’ll never change. You. Deserve. Better.

Any guitar players in here? Ever look up the tabs for East Hastings and freak tf out when you played it cuz it’s awesome and omg you can play it? Dude. Try it. It’s awesome.

100+ days sober. Over 40. Just saw a clip of a comedian with a pen and for a second it seemed like a good idea. This week sucks already, why not? And it looked like a carnival trick, it looked like a toy. Innocent enough.

I have older cousins who just missed their mom dying because they were self destructive stoners all their lives. Bragged they’d always be there and when it was time, they were in the wind. Absolutely shameful shit. Cautionary tales. Immature and way too old for it.

I’ve had that feeling of not being ready to be an adult.
What threatens my sobriety the most is reminiscing. Smoking friends who died, or thinking about the old days. That smoke is a little Time Machine and will bring me right back. And will fuck up right now and my future.

Procrastinating growing up and being responsible. Responsibility won’t find me if I’m high. It’s not even a good high, it’s just intoxicated. Comedians do it, podcasters do it, musicians… why can’t I? I’m not that important. But I am, even if it’s to the people around me, no one famous, no one wealthy, and if you don’t feel it now, the shame when you fuck up will make you feel it later, and that’s too late.

Be sober. Be here, now.

I’m nominating luciferian towers for the labor themes, but pick your favorite album or song and edit footage of warehouse fires. Iykyk.