u/Ocean_Requiem

i split on the person i was dating and told them we couldnt even be friends unless they apologized for treating me bad, but i didn't mean any of it and didn't know i had bpd until after i calmed down and researched why this happened to me.. I've been trying to apologize and make things right but they won't even reply... they had said things before like that they wanted to be together forever and stuff, how can they not even want to try to talk it out? I've never been mean to them until this moment and we dated for almost 6 months...

it makes me feel like they never really loved me or were serious in the first place...

if this happened over and over again it would be understandable...

it's been 2 weeks .... :(

does zoloft help with anxiety? my sadness is gone after 1 week but I'm still anxious. Just wondering if it eventually helps with that too.

I'm on day 5 and enjoying the feeling of calmness but my lips and fingers are cracking apart and peeling, and I'm just wondering if anyone had this and it got better for them...? i really don't want to quit since this is the most peaceful i have felt in my life.

I never knew i had bpd until almost a week ago after a massive mental break where i felt emotionally abandoned by the person i love and broke up with them and even said i didn't want friends who didn't care about my feelings. I got blocked, and once i realized that I had lost control because of delusions, i started to realize something was really wrong with my brain. that's how i realized i have bpd.

and suddenly my life makes sense.

I've started taking zoloft and i already feel emotionally stable. i went from calling out of work because i couldn't stop crying to feeling like i can't cry if i wanted to...

i know i can beat this. I'm going to do everything in my power to get better and live a healthier life. i don't want to lose my person over this when it feels like i had no way to know what was happening to me until now... it's only been one week but they don't seem to want to talk to me. is it too soon, or do you think there's no hope?

i know my illness does not excuse my behavior, but i thought they might try to understand...

I'm prepared to let go if that's really what they want... but i wish i could start over.

I'm only on day 4 of zoloft and i have bpd so I'm crying all the time normally, but rn i feel like i couldn't cry even if someone died. is this normal? i would normally be really sad rn over a breakup but i feel numb. i mean its kind of nice, crying sucks, but its a big change for me so suddenly.

just wondering if you guys are still able to cry

first day was amazing, i felt so good after a few hours. second day was back to normal, but soooooo anxious at work. now on 3rd night and having bad headache and kind of dizzy?

when does the good feeling come back? :(( reeee

soooo I'm moving to another state in 3 weeks and had a store lined up to transfer to, but last night they told me that the RM for that area said the entire district isn't open to transfers.... i feel kind of screwed. i don't even know the district boundaries or who is in charge or anything....

any advice?

I was thinking about it and wondering what characters you guys find comforting or relatable?

For me, the ones I connect to most would be Napstablook from Undertale, or Touka Kirishima from Tokyo Ghoul.
Napstablook is always crying and listening to music, like me. They are friendly but shy and sad.

Touka has random outbursts of anger despite actually being quite attached to people she cares about, and watching her try to cope when Kaneki runs away is incredibly painful as I've felt that way many times with BPD. In particular, the clip where Touka is in full-ghoul mode and about to kill that human girl, but then the girl calls her beautiful, sending Touka into full-on crying mode and confusion about being called beautiful in her most monstrous state.

I kind of also see it with Jinshi from Apothecary Diaries; it seems like MaoMao is his fp and he's very sensitive to her rejection or abandonment. I feel I can relate to this as well.

What about you guys?

I've been overly emotionally sensitive my entire life. I've constantly poured far too much focus and energy into romantic love, and wound up hurting people I cared deeply for, unable to feel loved, and triggered by the smallest things. Maybe a normal person can handle their birthday being forgotten, but it festered inside of me, the belief that I was unloved. I would never forget a birthday.
How could my LDR pull away emotionally when that's all we had to connect with? I felt abandoned. I spiraled. I lashed out.
Even at work, criticism will make me cry or become defensive. I'm unbearable.
I'm in so much pain.
I'm not suicidal but I just want it to stop. I'm bed rotting my life away.
I'm starting sertraline today in a desperate attempt to help me live a more normal life.

I'm trying so hard to avoid messaging (again) the people I've hurt and pushed away, despite how badly I want them back in my life.

I'm hoping being here will help me somehow.