I’ve been around narcissists my whole life, and one thing that seems common is their ability to start talking and go on and on and on no matter what the reaction of other people is. You can’t get a word in, they repeat stories, laugh at themselves, and you are just stuck there waiting for the audial assault to end, or for someone/something to need you so you can walk away. Anyone else notice this? Any good ways to deal with it besides just walking away?
I’ve been around narcissists my whole life, and one thing that seems common is their ability to start talking and go on and on and on no matter what the reaction of other people is. You can’t get a word in, they repeat stories, laugh at themselves, and you are just stuck there waiting for the audial assault to end, or for someone/something to need you do you can walk away. Anyone else notice this? Any good ways to deal with it besides just walking away?
Seeking validation.
I have no desire to repair or rebuild a relationship with uBPD mother. I don’t want to have to explain all the details and every little thing to her or her flying monkey. NC for the past year, she recently asked my SO what to do, he said apologize to start (one person, one incident, there is so much more however) they did so, but half assed and full of guilt about family and seeing grandchildren. Not one word about missing me. Now flying monkeys are calling saying I need to fix this/make it right, and that uBPD had reached out. I don’t want to. Why is it always how she feels? She wants a relationship, she wants to see grandkids, she, she, she. Well in my head I say f*** that. For so long I put up with stuff that I should not have, all under “she’s your mother” type of guilt and it’s not right. I refuse to accept her dangerous driving, alcoholism, constant judgment, boundary stomping, the list goes on and on. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me, she’s clings to an idea of what I was long ago, and she hates anyone else who loves me or my kids. I think the idea of being ‘good mom good grandma’ sits higher in her mind than any desire to do so. It’s hard to put into words how she is, I’ll use immature. After her divorce she has never been able to act like a grown adult in the same setting as my father or anyone on that side. So severe we couldn’t even mention anything about that side of the family without setting her off. I eloped to avoid her bullshit, but I’m over all of that. She’s brought this awful anxiety to my children and making them feel like shit at their events when she leaves or can’t be around other adults.
She will never change and she will never be ok around the people she has attacked during her rages, it will always be awkward. The past year has been so nice not worrying about it. Holiday parties and games, and school events without her are so much better .
The flying monkeys are calling, sad tones, oh well. They choose to deal with her, I don’t want to. Why doesn’t anyone care how I feel? Why is it always about her? Even the flying monkeys didn’t call once to see how we were doing but now they want things “back how they were”. Well that seems like an odd request, just pretend it never happened? lol. I want them to go away. Leave me alone for once. After a year they want back in and will spin it like I’m being the difficult one. 40+ years of abusive, toxic, alcoholic uBPD mother… I want to be free. I read to make lists of benefits and negatives of what a relationship with her would bring, and I can’t find any benefits. Maybe it’s because I’m still angry and healing, there is just no good that I can currently think of that would come from having contact again.
Validate me, talk to me, help me. You are the only ones who get it.