u/Odd-Worldliness-9110

On Sunday, my family unexpectedly put me in the same room as my estranged mother, then used the 3–4 hour ride home to pressure me about loving and supporting her. I have chosen to keep my distance from my mother for serious reasons, and my family knows that. My boundary is that I decide whether, when, and how I have contact with her. I feel wronged because they disregarded that boundary, left me without an easy way to leave, and then made me feel guilty for protecting myself.
I went to my uncle’s baptism and didn’t drive myself, which meant I had no independent way to leave and would be facing a long drive home with family afterward.
After the baptism, we went to lunch, and my mother unexpectedly showed up. I had been under the impression she wouldn’t be there, and there had even been talk about her not having transportation. Seeing her walk into the house made me wonder how much everyone else knew beforehand.
My aunt immediately noticed how uncomfortable I was and offered to hide me, help me leave, or give me somewhere to go if I needed a break. That meant a lot because it confirmed I wasn’t imagining how upsetting the situation was.
I stayed near the counter, tried not to engage with my mother, and avoided eye contact while she kept looking at me. She gave me an awkward side hug at one point, but otherwise I kept my distance and got through lunch without causing a scene.
The ride home was worse. I was in the car with my grandparents and my brother, and because I hadn’t driven myself, I couldn’t leave or remove myself from the conversation.
For more than 20 minutes, my grandparents talked about how we may not like our family, but we’re supposed to love them and be there for them. They repeatedly brought up losing your mother while you’re young and how I might feel once my mother is gone. Her health also seemed to be part of the pressure because she looked noticeably unwell when I saw her.
They never directly said, “you need to forgive your mother,” but the message was obvious.
My family knows this isn’t a petty argument. There are serious reasons I don’t have a relationship with her. What makes me especially angry is the selective use of “family.”
When my pain makes other people uncomfortable, I’m told the past needs to stay in the past. But when I set boundaries because of that past, I’m told that family is forever, that I need to love and support her, and that I’ll regret it when she’s gone.
By the time we were driving home, I felt trapped. I had already been unexpectedly forced into contact with my mother, and now I was being made to feel guilty for not wanting a relationship with her.
The contrast between my aunt’s reaction and everyone else’s was striking. She saw my mother walk in and asked whether I was okay or needed help getting away. Other family members seemed more focused on convincing me to love and support my mother.
I don’t expect my family to hate her or choose sides. I’m not asking them to understand every decision I’ve made. I just want them to respect that I’m an adult and get to decide who has access to me.
Am I unreasonable for being angry about how Sunday was handled? To me, there’s a huge difference between saying, “I hope someday you two can work things out,” and unexpectedly putting me in the same room with my mother, then spending part of a 3–4 hour car ride reminding me that she’ll die someday and that family is supposed to love each other.

How long will the summer courses be available to view on Canvas? I still have mine on there.

Is taking an 8-week English II course a lot?

I received an invitation to join and was just curious how many others have received invites and whether it’s actually worth it.

Element statistics or algebra? Math is not my easiest subject… I think am going to have to take element statistics. In person or on online?

I enrolled in a class that doesn’t have a professor listed, but all the class options have proferrors listed, Should I be worried? The class is at almost at capacity.

I (28F) recently found out information about my mom that completely changed the way I see her, and now I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or finally seeing things clearly.

When my sister was younger, she was assaulted by a man. I found out my mom basically made a deal with him that if he left and never came back, she wouldn’t press charges. Apparently this happened more than once with different men over the years. One of the cases involving my sister has now been reopened, and the man involved was recently arrested. Since then, other charges involving other victims have also come out against him.

That alone shattered me because it forced me to realize this wasn’t some “misunderstanding” everyone tried to minimize. This was a dangerous person who continued hurting people, and instead of protecting her child, my mom protected him.

But it also reopened a lot of resentment from my own relationship with her.

A while back, my mom was having serious symptoms and she had to get medical help. It ended up being a brain aneurysm. She survived because she got treatment in time. Instead of being grateful, she later blamed ME for the hospital bills and financial stress from the situation, as if I somehow caused it by making her go to the hospital in the first place. At this time we found out the the sister who is 19 now is expecting her first child with her boyfriend. Since then my mother has acted off putting by me and seems to not want to have any thing to do with me.(not hurting my feelings)

That really stuck with me because it felt like no matter what role I played in her life, I ended up becoming the problem. If I did nothing, I was uncaring. If I stepped in and helped, I was blamed for the consequences.

Now looking back at everything together, I feel like there’s a pattern where my mom refuses accountability for anything painful and instead redirects blame onto other people, including her own children.

What makes this even harder is she still acts like she’s the victim in every situation. Meanwhile my sister has had to live with the trauma of being assaulted and effectively abandoned by the adults who were supposed to protect her.

Some family members think I should “let it go” because she’s still my mother and because “she did the best she could.” But I honestly don’t know how to move past realizing your parent repeatedly chose protecting men, protecting herself, and protecting appearances over protecting her kids.

I’ve emotionally pulled away from her, and part of me feels guilty for it. Another part of me feels like I’m finally seeing reality instead of the version of her I wanted to believe in.

AIO?

I have a friend who has been working at a company for 5 years, and they always do a small work and an anniversary thing for people. (She has shown me the post, etc.). I texted her just being nice and said “congratulations on 5 years at your company,” and she responded with “Thanks, you are the only one who remembers… and you don’t even work with me.”

I was a little shocked they seem to be a close team, but I know everything is not as it seems. I asked her if they ever did or said anything, and she said no, and I could tell it might have hurt a little. I tried my best to get her mind off of it and have fun. I feel bad for her and a little mad, like, how are you going to do all that for the others and then not do anything for one? Stupid, I know, but that’s crappy, right?