u/Odd_Fly7625

The title is literally it. I’m so obsessed with her. I literally just can’t stop thinking about her.

She’s been my teacher since 7th grade, and I don’t know… it was the first time I realized I was queer. So yeah, she was basically my gay awakening, and I had such a huge crush on her to the point where I told all my friends about it and literally dreamed about her every single day.

It’s so bad. It’s been like 3 or 4 years since I met her, and I’m still not over it. I always get so freaking jealous whenever I see her talking to other students or smiling at them, especially if they’re younger. I don’t know, it just makes me so jealous, and I get this uncontrollable rage. I don’t want her to talk to anyone else.

And worst of all, she’s fucking married to this stupid ugly troll-looking man. He isn’t even as pretty as me. He’s so ugly, I hate him so much. I genuinely don’t even understand how she married him. He’s older than her too. I could be so much better for her, I just know it. I could actually take care of her, make cakes for her, do sweet things for her… I don’t even know 😭😭😭 I’m just so jealous of him.

Everyone at school says she looks kind of gay and acts gay, but obviously she has a husband, so she’s straight. And anyway, she’s 15 years older than me, so I obviously stand no chance no matter how much I want her.

It honestly sickens me how in love I am with her. And it’s not even sexual or anything like that. I just genuinely admire her and love her so much. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I find her so attractive every time I walk past her classroom. I literally can’t stop staring at her.

I love her face. I love her nose, her eyes, her mouth, her jawline, her voice, her hair, her biceps, her mannerisms. I love everything about her. It’s not even just “wow, she’s beautiful.” She’s just so attractive in this indescribable way that I can’t stop looking at her.

When she stretches her arms or manspreads, I genuinely feel sick knowing I can’t have her and never will.

And the worst part is that I know she likes me. Not romantically, obviously, but I’m definitely her favorite student. She gives me free points, always says how smart and bubbly I am, and sometimes says things like “the world loves you because you’re pretty” or that she bets a lot of guys want me.

She’s always with me and always wants to walk with me. I’m basically her assistant because of how my school works, so I help her with grading and teacher stuff in general. When she’s grading, I sit next to her and help her, and it just feels so intimate.

She pats my head, tells me how good I am, and sometimes I sit on her lap or sit next to her to do my homework. Sometimes she hugs me from behind or pinches my cheeks, and it honestly breaks my heart because I know she doesn’t mean it like THAT. She’s just doing it in a “awww” way. I feel like she sees me as a child, probably because I’m 4’9 but it frustrates me still.

I hate how much I want her and how much time we spend together, because during extracurricular activities, instead of hanging out with my friends like someone my age normally would, I just want to be with her.

She makes me laugh so much, and God, I just love her. I love being around her. It makes me sick.

I’ve actually almost fainted in class before because of how nervous I get when she spends time with me or talks to me. Whenever she speaks, I just think about how badly I want to absorb every little word and every thought in her gorgeous, intelligent mind. I want to know why she says things the way she does and what she thinks about everything.

I want to know her interests so badly. I want to KNOW her. I need to know profoundly what her essence is. I need to know everything about her and everything she’s been through. Who’s her mom? Who’s her dad? What’s her relationship with her parents like? Who was her best friend? Who was her first crush? What’s her favorite food? What’s some stupid little thing she does that nobody knows about? I don’t know, just EVERYTHING.

And like 90% of the time I don’t even wear makeup because I’m allergic, but whenever she appears, I immediately start putting anything on my face, fixing my hair, doing whatever I can to look appealing. I must be so obvious because some of my other teachers have definitely noticed.

One time I was just looking at her breathing. I was staring at her back and watching it move up and down, and suddenly I realized her lungs were filling with the same air I breathe. We both breathe the same air. And I just stared at her back and thought about how human and immaculate and perfect she is, and I felt this overwhelming warmth and love.

She’s always saying things like, “You are sooo cute,” or “You have the prettiest eyes and cheeks,” and she teases me about blushing all the time. But it doesn’t matter because she doesn’t like me like that. I’m just delusional as fuck.

And this is gonna sound weird, but she gives me so much attention and special time because I have ADHD. She always takes her time to talk to me and listens to me ramble. She just smiles sometimes and chuckles, and she explains things slowly for me and helps me with everything.

Even when she’s pissed off at the class or being sarcastic and rude to other students, she has literally never treated me badly. She’s never done me wrong. I can only remember one time when she was slightly not nice to me, but not even fully rude.

And that just makes me love her even more. I love how patient she is with me.

She gives me so much attention and special treatment that basically the whole school knows. And she’ll say things like, “I bet so many guys want you,” and maybe they do, maybe they don’t, but I don’t care. I don’t want some random person my age.

I want HER I NEED her. Ugh. I’m literally sick in the head.

Hi everyone. So, to the day that it is today I have accepted that I was groomed, however I really just don’t feel that bad about it, I also started it so I kinda feel like the blame is partially on me. So basically when I was 14 my dad hired a “babysitter” (more like a tutor) because I have adhd so I was really hyperactive and needy, and most importantly because I needed tutoring in some subjects, so he hired this woman that was around 31 during that time, unlike most groomers that get into children’s or teenage spaces to get their victims she didn’t do it with that Intention, I’m pretty sure she just needed a job lmao, she was never weird with me or tried something; at the beginning of all of this she never did anything weird, she was just a responsible adult who took care of me, but I liked her and because of that I eventually started getting closer to her and sometimes I hugged her or kissed her cheeks. She became used to it because I was very affectionate anyway. It was okay but I got desesperate that she wasn’t paying any attention to me (or that’s what I thought because I was ill 😭😭😭) and I got more extreme and when she was resting I’d get in the bed with her or, very few times I’d climb up on her and hump her softly

She did thought this behavior was weird and told my dad but my dad didn’t believed it, because well he just saw me as a well behaved girl, and I was actually I just don’t know what came over me, he didn’t scolded me for it. So I kept doing it until eventually she became more touchy with me and one day she did kissed me on the lips, we kissed some times, nothing further happened (she never touched me or slept with me) but our relationship was certainly not platonic, and I don’t know? I just kinda feel bad cause ik she wouldn’t have done that, she wasn’t a bad person and I really don’t think she did it because she wanted to manipulate me, I do think she was initially attracted to me because otherwise she would have never done the things she did but I think she had boundaries and I didn’t respect them, I also liked it the whole time, and till this day I still get a warm feeling thinking about it, I know it was wrong and that neither me or her should have done that but I don’t actually dislike it or regret it and I feel invalid because of that.