u/Odd_Statistician9626

Hi all,

I would REALLY appreciate some advice, I am desperate. I've been in and out of the EW space for the last few years. I found that some aspects were making our relationship worse, some better. However lately it doesn't seem to matter what I do, things are not going well. Some days we are good, but on a biweekly basis now, we are having huge blow-ups. It takes days for repair, lots of drawn out discussions with everything but the kitchen sink added into the argument ("you did ... 18 months ago, well you did ... 12 months ago!"). He told me the other week that he wanted to see a counsellor again as he loves me, but feels like he is nearing the end of his tether.

For some context: we are getting married in 6 weeks - which I take full ownership that I pressured him into. We saw a counsellor last year who wasn't very good tbh and didn't help much. He is a very strong personality, a go-getter, and grabs life by the balls, I am not. He gets frustrated that I don't see life this way. I'm anxious and cautious, this bleeds into our relationship. He hates that I am so affected by him, which is difficult because he can be quite moody and reactive over things that I see as small/no big deal, and he is always convinced he is right. I ask him a lot if he is okay when he is in a mood (he hates this), but it often IS something I have done - but he will not tell me until weeks afterwards!! It literally festers in his mind until he can't hold it in anymore.

And now that I'm pregnant, we are both getting more upset with how unstable our relationship is, we are still fighting and having ridiculous arguments. I don't want to raise our child like this. Early in the relationship he never wanted kids, but eventually came around to the idea on his own. But now that I'm pregnant, and we are not in a great place, it's almost like he resents me for 'pressuring' him into having kids. Don't get me wrong - he comes to all my appointments, and wants to be a good dad. But when we aren't good, he honestly barely acknowledges the baby and if I bring it up - he gives a short answer then changes topic. If friends bring it up because they are excited for us, once again he changes topic. It's embarrassing!

In my first trimester, he was annoyed at me eating crap food and sitting on the couch. No matter how much I tried to explain to him that I wasn't feeling well, he kept saying that HE couldn't bear to see ME like that, and wanted me to be honest about what I needed. I tried to say, yes well I NEED to watch TV on the couch today, I can't do anything else. He just couldn't accept that was what I actually needed. I could tell he was resentful towards me for us both eating poorly and the house being a mess, and while he did step up a couple of times, his attitude was mostly like he was the one being hurt.

And now that I'm feeling better, he has the same/if not more expectations of me. He wants me to be the epitome of health. He is nitpicking what I eat, "encouraging" me to exercise (more like shaming me if I don't), and has placed even more pressure on me to ensure ALL of the house tasks we have been putting off are sorted before the baby is here.

Pivoting back to our arguments - a constant one is money, and our sex life. We had a HUGE argument about finances (he recently quit his job and has been working away to pay for all of our incoming expenses, tbh mostly all things that I want). After the blow up, I self-cared for the next two days, just trying to SOMP, and then completely unexpectedly - one night he tried to initiate sex with me. I went along with it, but stupidly cracked a few jokes to try and lighten the mood. He took this as rejection, and immediately got frustrated and stopped. He started shouting about how he doesn't understand why I never initiate sex, and that my lack of PI is part of the problem. I was upset, because I had in-fact tried to initiate that morning. I told him that, and he rejected this, saying that I need to put in more effort than simply just putting my hand on his crotch, I need "to be more confident". It's infuriating for me. I honestly feel like he can never just go "oh you know what, I guess I can see your perspective", it's ALWAYS up to me to say this.

I feel like when things are good, we are on like donkey kong - we have regular sex and can talk to eachother without getting triggered or angry, and forget how bad things can be. But it flips so quickly - all it takes is his bad mood to completely derail me, and I have learned from experience how it often is something I have done to cause his mood. How can the EW way of ignoring him, make things better if I know he just festers on things for weeks already? Our love languages are also SO different, which adds a lot to our issues (like PI - he HATES being touched day-to-day, but I NEED it to feel interested in having sex).

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I really needed to vent, but at the same time, I am so so desperate for help. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi all! So we just found out that I am pregnant a few days ago (only 4 weeks 4 days, I know - very early). As in the title, this was unplanned. We are still feeling a mix of shock and excitement. We are 27 and 32, no children, financially stable, own our home, and were planning on starting our family next year anyway. So we are trying to roll with it and just accept that it's happening earlier than we expected.

We had lots of plans for next year that we wanted to complete in the lead up to having kids, including an overseas trip, starting a new job, finishing house renos, and buying a new car. Struggling to accept that priorities will have to change. Part of me is scared that those things will be impossible to complete/do once we have a child, but I know that's just me catastrophising.

That being said, has anyone else been in this situation and have some advice of how it has turned out for you? Would love to hear some comforting stories. And did you feel like finding out the gender helped to feel more connected to your baby during the pregnancy if it was unplanned?