a sudden breakup, i feel so lost.
(17F) im bi and dated a girl for about 1.5 years, about three days earlier we sorta argued on a super small topic (she was praising a girl who we both cut ties with bcuz we realized she was tryna get in the way of our relationship, she got into an amazing college and my now ex gf was like WOAH DUDE SHE GOT IN THATS SO FREAKING AWESOME she was so hyped up and it didnt sit right with me so i got a lil angry over why she was so happy about her and hence the argument)
but idk what triggered her so much she was like i need a break from you one week long, i tried to ask what exactly happened but she bothered to say nothing she kept getting more and more furious at me the more i tried to insist her that theres no need to take a break we can fix without it, because we always did.
two days in our break she texts me, “i can be friends w you, its not about feelings but i cant be in a relationship.”
with all my power yesterday i called her and tried each and everything to convince her and make her stay. i tried my level best to pursue her. as soon as i was done talking she smiled a lil and it seemed like she’s not gonna leave now everything’s fine.
but in the end she just ended up saying she doesnt want a relationship with me. when i asked why, she said that she doesnt like the amount of seriousness a relationship requires. she mentioned that she’s not serious about her mom dad bcuz no matter what she does they always forgive her, she’s also not serious about her friends cuz they dont expect much from her yk how casual friendships are, and lastly she said that a relationship is where she truly has to be serious about everything and she doesnt want it.
i just dont understand…why all of a sudden?
guys i know for good there is no third person.
p.s. before starting to convince her yesterday, i asked her only one thing, “do you love me?” and she replied with a yes.
i really really dont understand what made her randomly break up with me because lord i was ready to fix everything. i even told her to atleast give us another try but no.
some hours later i asked whats up with her and why she’s suddenly acting like she hates me so much, she said that she’s been feeling drained for quite some time and now she cant do it anymore. she clearly said she doesnt care and doesnt even love anymore, y’all she legit admitted that she used me.
why is all of this so mixed? when i asked her before why did she say that she did love me?
i swear im the type who would do everything to make her feel better but how come i never notice she was drained? she used to joke, say ilys, and talk to me just fine how come she’s drained? and i always tell her to talk to me and tell me if she feels anything off. we were in long dist as of now but ik enough that i can tell when she’s feeling bad and it was clearly not noticeable that she felt drained. i strongly believe she’s lying about this. and had i known from day one she was feeling like this i would’ve definitely done smth to not let her feel like this anymore.
i was ready to fix things even in the last moment yesterday but yes she just left me, and it seems like she’s really fine and doesnt care all of a sudden, she’s posting stories and she’s really..fine.
ik for sure i loved her way more than she did. and the real thing is it’s so hard even though today is just day one. i talked to a friend till 2 am last night so i was quick to fall asleep without crying. later around 6 am i wasnt even half awake but my eyes opened and lord it felt so heavy so unreal so unbelievable and so bad. i just kept tossing and turning and i kept having those lil sleep attacks and all i dreamt of was her coming back. this sucks so bad because i genuinely loved her so much and she left with some absurd reasons of hers. she was so gentle with me she truly made me believe she was the one and yet she left i still dont believe we broke up.
my appetite has been badly affected since three days and i was the biggest foodie ever, i dont get much privacy at home so i’ve been tearing up every 20 minutes and my mom is starting to notice and i GENUINELY cant tell her because my parents arent chill about me being in a relationship. they keep asking whats wrong and it hurts so bad.
college is starting soon and i have zero motivation to look some good ones up on the internet and get myself in them. i have this friend who is almost available for me everytime (the same one i talked to last night) and im beyond thankful that atleast he’s there. nonetheless i feel so blank so hollow and so sad and i lack motivation in doing everything. there is nothing that i find fun anymore.
i dont particularly have hobbies that i can do, nor can i go outside home rn cuz my parents dont let me out alone, i do not want to text her anymore, and we dont follow each other on insta but we havent blocked each other either. i want to make sure from my side there is zero contact.
but god this is so hard. what should i do i legit feel anxious everytime even when im not crying it feels heavy
please help