u/Ok-Excuse8603

I’m really scared. I’m going to feel empty without him holding me anymore. I feel so silly for even trying to be strong, when I know im going to crumble soon.

Two years of a very passionate connection, amazing chemistry, great sex, the best cuddles, and doing lunch dates to anywhere I’d want to eat.
We began as friends and one thing lead to another because people were not very nice to us in our lives at the time. We both have bipolar so we have had episodes that no one bothered to research nor give us grace. So we began to comfort each other, talk everyday, and meet up to have drinks. We realized we have so many childhood experiences/ health issues that our friends and partners never ever could relate to. (Yes, definitely elements of trauma bonding lol)

Now his wife is close to finding out and we decided to put it to an end as now we have a lot of anxiety and we are both in two very different paths of lives at the moment due to age as well (I’m now 30, he’s 40) it was going to end regardless this year, I knew. I felt.

We are deciding to end on good terms. I never ended anything in good terms, and there’s no reason to end it badly with him on purpose. We have cried so much recently. We are planning two more dates and part ways. We want to talk about how positive this was for us and enjoy what is left.

I’m 30 and this is the first love and heartbreak of my life (I was abused prior by relationships that was just attachments, not love.) Through him I realized what love is. He treated me with such a delicacy that I never ever had received. And I treated him with love that’s pure that I have never ever given out before. This is his first affair ever and we never thought we would be this deep in.

I’m 30(f), when I was 18, my older brother (8 years older than me btw) strangled me, he is a mommy’s boy who got upset over me telling my mother that she deserves better than my narcissistic father (that’s another story). Due to that statement, he got in my face and started yelling how dare I say that and that I just want our family destroyed. But what family did we ever have? He grabbed my thigh suddenly and I smacked him out of self defense. Next thing you know he body slammed me and strangled me, in front of my mother who did nothing. I tried to fight back harder but the last thing i heard was my mother saying “that’s enough.” Then I see black. It felt like a 10 second nap. I woke up and I began screaming and running in circles and ran away from home for a while.

I had bruises for a week. Nothing as able to be reported because everyone felt sorry for him being hurt by our broken family lol.

Anyways, for 10 years, I have had nightmares, flashbacks, and I can’t have anyone nor anything around my neck. I tried therapy and I’m on meds for 3 years now. Maybe I should have spoken about this more in therapy when I was younger.

Anyways, I made progress for 2 weeks by finally telling someone I’ve been dating for two years that every week, almost every day, I have a disturbing memory flash by my head of that. After that I didn’t think if it for a week after finally saying it out loud. Then he began to treat that part of my body with the intent for me to feel okay. It’s a never before seen record. Now, I have not seen my person in a week due to his family stuff. He is the only man that has been safe for me & my body. Not being held for just one week brought the thoughts back. Tonight I’m FINALLY breaking down bc I’m tired of this PTSD from THAT event.
I never publicly wanted to talk about it but now I realized I do.

As tough as I have been, as much men I ended up fighting after this, as much weight I gained to never be picked up and slammed in the floor again, this can’t go away. I’m drowning. I feel dumb that it took one week of me not feeling the touch and the kisses I get, to spiral.** **

Question is: Is this my fault for not dealing with this fully sooner? Am I alone in dealing with the PTSD for years? What is your experience with strangulation trauma? Thank you.