u/Ok-Indication-2024

I’m a 23 year old girl with a sister who’s 27. She’s engaged to a man, and I recently got out of a relationship. The man I was with was 35. Slightly older, yes, I know, don’t judge me. We had been seeing each other for about a year. I met him through my sister’s fiancé.

We recently had a really bad breakup. We went out to a bar together for our usual Friday date, margaritas and a beer, and he invited a whole bunch of people. Only one person actually came. That was at around 4 p.m. We then went to another bar where he could spend some time with his friends before I asked him to come home with me at around 10:30 p.m.

I figured I wouldn’t make a big deal about his friends essentially crashing our date because he hadn’t seen them in a while. However, this was actually a pretty common issue in our relationship. He would go out on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and most Sundays. It was actually pretty rare that we spent proper quality time together without his friends being involved.

It seemed like almost every weekend, whether it was Friday or Saturday, he would spend most of his time at a pub with his friends and consider that spending quality time together. I didn’t have a problem with him having friends or wanting to see them, but I wanted to feel like I was actually getting some of his time and attention as his girlfriend.

Anyway, this particular Friday, I asked him to come home with me at 10:30 p.m. because I felt like he had spent enough time with his friends, especially since he was going to see them again on Saturday and Sunday.

Keep in mind that I live in a relatively unsafe part of town, and I was completely alone in my apartment block. I asked him to come home with me, and he got angry.

So I stormed off from the property, getting ready to call a cab. This man then drove up beside me in his car, absolutely drunk, calling me a pathetic loser and continuing to insult me while I was trying to call my cab.

Eventually, he stopped the car and started pushing and shoving me around, trying to get me into the car. I’ve been in a physically abusive relationship before, so this absolutely terrified me, and I kind of lost it.

He forced me into his car. Then, when he slowed down at a stop street, I jumped out. Yes, that might sound crazy, but he should know better than to put his hands on me.

After that, he continued pushing and shoving me and trying to pick me up, basically attempting to force me back into his car, but he eventually forced me into the car again.

When we got to my apartment, I asked him not to leave because there was no one else around. Again, I live in an unsafe area and was completely alone.

He then started taking photos and videos of me sobbing and crying my eyes out over what he had just done. He told me he was going to send them to everyone so that people could see how “crazy” I was.

I told him that I would delete his number and never see him again if he would just promise to delete the videos. He refused.

I tried to grab his phone because I didn’t want anybody seeing me like that. I didn’t need people seeing my tears and seeing how broken I was. Eventually, I waited for him to fall asleep and deleted the videos of me from his phone.

He then left in a rage.

My family uses Life360, so we can see where everyone in the family is. Today, I opened it and saw that my sister was having a barbecue with this same man who basically assaulted me last Friday.

Am I the asshole for being upset?

Men of reddit; There is nothing worse in my opinion than a man who gets overzealous with their dirty talk, I mean it's still lovely; but it kinda blurs the line between hot & steamy and just plain cute.

Now I'm not gonna lie, I tend to be pretty quiet when it comes to talking but I'll throw something out there every now and then... like "You feel so good." Or maybe like "You feel so big." But that's about it. I've been torked and once said, "This is what I think about while masturbating," I will die on that hill of cringeness before bed every night before I die haha.

But how much is too much? What's sexy? Throw some ideas my way. I've also never been very vocal so if I start acting outta character with my long term partner now, will I come across strange?? For a long time my version of dirty talk was saying "Hello." So I'm pretty new to it.🤣

Edit: I am a woman!👌🏻

I could never understand what could keep two people apart. In my head, there's this imaginary magnetic pull towards the other person.

That's how I have felt towards the one and only person I've ever loved. It was this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon where two people meet and that's it- not only sparks and butterflies, but childish giggles and all thing's holy that could put a smile on a small child's face.

I can honestly describe it as a double edge sword between a once-in-a-lifetime romance and the worst person I have ever met.

I was so incredibly young and he was so incredibly charming, it was as if perhaps it was a once off seridepious experience, filled with love and disappointment.

That's the thing though, youth and naivety are bound to create undescribable aching disappointment for years to come; and suddenly you walk past someone at your daily coffee shop who meant everything to you and now is a complete stranger. Almost as if it was never meant to be.

Yet you'll be asking yourself if you miss them or the person you were when you were with them, maybe bargaining with the universe just to have a piece of them in your life or you start despising them for choosing not to be; eventually you start to realize you're finally the person they'd want only to find out that you are the person you are because of them.

I suppose everything in life prepares you for what's to come. At least that's what we tell ourselves to deal with the sorrow of losing the perspective of what we thought love meant.

One thing I learnt is love doesn't come at the expense of yourself, at the end of day its the version of that person that you'll love for decades to come and beyond that. It's this indescribable love that goes beyond all rational thought; the kind that one prays every day will go away. Perhaps it never goes away? That longing just gets smaller and smaller.

Maybe that's why they say love and grief go hand in hand? Love puts you at risk of losing everything that matters to you- yet you'd do it all over again at the risk of losing it all. All I know is even now, I'd turn my tears into a scarf if It meant It could keep you warm.

You'd give up to see those lines near their eyes that crinkled every time every time they smiled. They'll forever be the love of your life and the worst person you've ever met.

I'm a fit, healthy 23-year-old woman who is generally considered attractive, so I think it's safe to admit that I've had a fair amount of sex in my life - mostly with the same people, and I've dated a wide variety of men, the nerdy type, the Christian type, the all-time romanticized rich-old guy type and the fuck boy trainer type.

I could never understand the concept of "sexual chemistry" even though the fuck boy trainer had tried to explain it to me numerous times by rambling on about the about the women at gym he "thought" he would have sexual chemistry with; they turned out to be all the women he was currently sleeping with.

There's not much to say about the nerdy type or the Christianly type... they're the kind of man who gets to completion before even taking off their pants, no offense to them and their strange boy-like builds... but I thought I had found the absolute winner in the man who'd love bombed me so hard he ended up buying me a house and a car. I had loved him more than life itself. I figured that his saggy skin and what I considered to be real love were all you needed to have that sexual chemistry.

As it turns out, the rich old guy type isn't there for your pleasure. More along the lines of... cause everlasting emotional and sexual trauma that will take years to escape. Who knew that'd be the case, right? Turns out, the beatings wouldn't improve morale.

The gym trainer's confidence was as large as his biceps. Although he managed to get me to open up slightly, I'd describe our sexual encounters as a lion preying on a vulnerable, wounded gazelle. "This man is an egotistical, manic who'd put his dick in a lamp; this is obviously what sexual chemistry is!" Turns out it's a good recipe for chlamydia, poor bastard; thankfully, I'm smarter than God's gift to women, always keeping things safe.

Most recently, I met the spiritual drug dealer type, whose personality was soft and sensual. His aura instantly reminded me of this documentary I'd watched about a cult of men who'd worship the clitoris for 30 minutes with coconut oil every morning. I was actually excited about this one; there was no pretense or pressure to be "cool and mysterious" like the gym trainer had expected, or an absolute "porn-star vixen" like the rich old guy expected me to be at 19; this man wanted me for who I was, right then and there.

Now I've come to the conclusion that the age-old meme about broke men paying rent with their "God-given talents" is unfortunately true. Through all my sexcapades, I've never met another person whose presence made the air heavier and my breath shallower. I couldn't understand what could be different about this man; he wasn't particularly physically attractive, he wasn't wealthy, and we definitely weren't madly in love; yet he had cracked my Rubik's Cube in ways I could never explain.

This begs the question: Is sex only good when there's sexual chemistry involved? What makes you attracted to someone?