Was feeling desperate while at the labs, then I had a eureka moment. Realized I had leftover mall gift cards from Christmas so I strutted my way over to the mall after.
Then the grocery store, obvi.🌝
Kill me pls lol
Hey. This isn’t me wanting advice, as I’ve already received enough from my ED healthcare team. I just need somewhere to share this as I feel so so so stupid. And ik im being stupid- but I can’t control myself.
I’ve purged blood before , not too shocking to me atp. Today was the first day that I’ve experienced the dreaded “coffee grounds” vomit. The very warned about symptom to watch for with purging. It was a very good amount of it too. How I know it wasn’t chocolate, or the food I ate, is bc I ate chips and candy. Red candy and pale chips. Not ANYTHING dark brown all day. It was a GLARING difference in my vomit. Anyways while I was googling to obviously triple check shit again, my dietitian called me. Since I am terrified of safety checks, I answered. She called bc I was missing our appointment, I missed it to b/p. I used the last of my money that was supposed to be for parking and gas to b/p- so today overall was an extremely “fuck it, fuck me” day. Anyway- I answered and she wanted me to stay on the phone since the hour of our slotted time wasn’t up, I said no, she outright asked if I was in the middle of bingeing and purging. I didn’t lie and said yes. Then I actually told her what I saw in my vomit, a generous amount of indistinguishable dark brown in my vomit. Logically I know it’s bad- but I don’t FEEL it is. She said to immediately go to emerg. To call Riley, my friend or an Uber and go to emerg rn. She wanted to stay on call while I did. I said I will call her after (as I needed to finish purging. Ya. Pathetic ik. Can’t stop won’t stop) anyways I didn’t call after bc I was on call w Riley (my only friend in my life) n she said to go too. My dietitian called again and this time brought my therapist into it and said to go or else they’d be forced to bring this to the program director about me not listening to stern medical advice.
Fast forward to now, I’m on the bike, and another b/p order is otw. Lmao??? Ya makes sense. Anyway I lied and said I’d go right away. But I will go after this bike and b/p. Realistically ik I’m dumb, ik I’m pushing it. But I have another appointment w them tmrw and they’ll see on my med chart if I visited emerg or not, so I will go, I just idk when. It has to be before tmrw. I don’t FEEL unwell. Other than the general unwellness of a person who’s very medically UW and b/p up to 15x a day on a bad day, and keeps zero food in other than b/p.
Idk. Idek what I’m expecting to get from posting this. I just needed to vent. Bc ik I’m dumb and ik some of yall understand the COMPLETE mental dissonance this disorder can bring. Idk. My brain and decision making feels like mush. My brain is a slurpee. A smooth chicken breast brain slurpee.
Hello all, I am looking for anybody with experiences of a severe Ed who’ve had to take this medication. My psychiatrist recommended it Tuesday this week and I am extremely hesitant to consider it for reasons I’m sure we all know. It makes people gain like a mf. ATM I am medically unstable and my team has been urging me to take the step towards hospitalization for restoration and recovery. Every time in the past when weight restoration happens for me, my emotional regulation goes OUT THE WINDOW. I know I will be tempted to accept his recommendation then since things can get very out of hand.
I want to know if anyone here has had to recover while on this medication. How did it go? Did it
accelerate the process of weight gain? Did it help you or hinder you during recovery? I wanna know your experiences :) there must be some of u here.