Has anybody gone sober as a binge drinker?
I always thought I was unmasked, but I find myself so socially anxious even around people I like that seem kind and non judgemental that I’ve used alcohol as a crutch, I have maybe one friend I feel comfortable around sober (most of the time) and my ex who broke up with me this week, because while I enjoy the false confidence alcohol brings I turn into an uncaring, selfish and obnoxious person
I have found it hard to quit in the past because of the big drinking culture here, still in my 20s and finding that it’s what most of my friends, acquaintances, my ex do on weekends or even sometimes during the week
I wish I felt like I could be around people without it but I get to a point where I feel like crying even 5 minutes into a conversation, like I’m struggling to hold a conversation, overly aware of my body language and expressions and trying to respond quickly and appropriately
A lot of people have made me feel like I can’t do it, I am upset I hurt someone so dear to me and I want to be better, I also put myself in unsafe situations while drinking
If anyone has advice it’d be really appreciated, I have done talk therapy and never found it to be particularly helpful and even then I believe I’m masking