Existential Crisis: Katamad ng Mabuhay
Problem/Goal: I have no goals, no direction, and I no longer know what I want in life. To be completely honest, wala na akongunderstimulationati, ang pinakakinatatakutan ko ay mamatay, pero ngayon parang ayos na lang kung hindi na magising. I feel like I already hit my peak during college and everything after has just felt like a downhill slide. I’ve lost my confidence, my passion for filmmaking, and my sense of identity. My main goal right now is to figure out how to find my direction, regain my passion, and navigate this brutal phase of adulting.
Context: I’m a 25-year-old guy, and I’ve been unemployed for about five months now. I moved back home to the province from Metro Manila with the plan to work as a VA because the city was just too expensive. In fairness, my life here is very comfortable. Pag gising ko may pagkain na, may kasambahay kami, at hindi ko kailangan isipin ang mga bills. Sarili ko lang naman talaga ang dapat kong suportahan dahil hindi ako ino-oblige ng mga magulang ko na mag-abot sa kanila.
However, the isolation is killing me. As an extrovert, nakakabaliw yung katahimikan dito sa probinsya. I don't have friends here, no weekend plans, no Grab or Foodpanda, and the nearest cinema is an hour away, so I can't even watch new local films. On top of that, the job market is incredibly tough right now with the rise of AI, and my professional experience isn't that strong yet. I constantly compare myself to my college version where I graduated with Latin honors because I thrived under structure and deadlines. Now, without those structures, I just feel like a dakilang tambay.
Previous Attempts: I am not just sitting around; I have been actively trying to fix my situation. I have been continuously applying to various VA agencies, and I am even considering options to work abroad just to find a breakthrough. This coming weekend, I am planning to completely pause my career anxiety and just ipasa-Diyos muna ang lahat. I will give myself two days of absolute silence to rest my mind and hopefully find some answers.