u/OkBeach4864

TW: Pretty heavy feelings. Don't read it if you are already feeling a bit sad. Be kind to yourself.

I'm a 20y/o and I got diagnosed by my psychologist and psychiatrist about 2 months ago. At first I had no idea what it implied, and I didn't get much of an explanation from both of the professionals that have been treating me, because, from their perspective, it'd only condition my way of acting. Because they put a name around my symptoms I decided to dive into people's opinions and experiences, which I know I shouldn't, but I wanted to understand my mind a bit better. I didn't find any comfort in it. Most redditors on the partner/friend POV talk pretty harshly about it, and it scares me to think I've been treating people so aggresively all my life without realising it. I love my friends and family to pieces and I don't want to hurt them, but all of my life I've been so dissmisive about their complaints on my violence when arguing because I couldn't percieve it, and just tonight, as I read all these posts I realised how fucking horrible I've been.

I don't want to be pitied at all. I'm not trying to sound like a 'victim of my disorder', but it's so hard to realise that I should have been more kind, and that all these people who stopped being my friends had every reason to. It's accountability but to an extreme I'd never felt before, and I can't stop crying.

I'm going to therapy and taking my meds, but this is a chronic thing, and fighting against my mind for the rest of my life feels to exhausting to try. I don't want to continue living if I have to do it this way. I'd like to have a fucking normal temper, and be capable of building healthy relationships, of constructing a family eventually and it just feels so out of my reach right now, that I truly want to give up.

All of my life I've been this hopeless romantic that truly wanted to be loved, but most of all to love someone so profoundly, but all the partner's POVs just seem so devastated and burdened, and I don't want to do that to anybody. I wanted to be a loving wife. I wanted to be a loving mother and I feel so sad that there were no users talking positively and lovingly about having a partner with bpd.

TW: Pretty heavy feelings. Don't read it if you are already feeling a bit sad. Be kind to yourself.

I'm a 20y/o and I got diagnosed by my psychologist and psychiatrist about 2 months ago. At first I had no idea what it implied, and I didn't get much of an explanation from both of the professionals that have been treating me, because, from their perspective, it'd only condition my way of acting. Because they put a name around my symptoms I decided to dive into people's opinions and experiences, which I know I shouldn't, but I wanted to understand my mind a bit better. I didn't find any comfort in it. Most redditors on the partner/friend POV talk pretty harshly about it, and it scares me to think I've been treating people so aggresively all my life without realising it. I love my friends and family to pieces and I don't want to hurt them, but all of my life I've been so dissmisive about their complaints on my violence when arguing because I couldn't percieve it, and just tonight, as I read all these posts I realised how fucking horrible I've been.

I don't want to be pitied at all. I'm not trying to sound like a 'victim of my disorder', but it's so hard to realise that I should have been more kind, and that all these people who stopped being my friends had every reason to. It's accountability but to an extreme I'd never felt before, and I can't stop crying.

I'm going to therapy and taking my meds, but this is a chronic thing, and fighting against my mind for the rest of my life feels to exhausting to try. I don't want to continue living if I have to do it this way. I'd like to have a fucking normal temper, and be capable of building healthy relationships, of constructing a family eventually and it just feels so out of my reach right now, that I truly want to give up.

All of my life I've been this hopeless romantic that truly wanted to be loved, but most of all to love someone so profoundly, but all the partner's POVs just seem so devastated and burdened, and I don't want to do that to anybody. I wanted to be a loving wife. I wanted to be a loving mother and I feel so sad that there were no users talking positively and lovingly about having a partner with bpd.