u/OkEssay3949

i often feel like i was robbed of ever being carried, nurtured, and the ability to just be... i am furious right now at the fact that i feel like my adult sanctuary where i could seriously feel my inner child and teen self was happy in that space was ruined because while i was in there at one point my mother sent me a very disturbing scary text message.. i have not been back in that room since and feel like once again i was robbed of a safe space... i feel i should reclaim it but i dont know how and i believe it will never be the same and i am very livid right now because of that

i dont like holidays and i think it's just a corporate money grab

but i was not acknowledged by my stepkids today nor did i expect to be and i do not care at alll. i always knew this would never be that type of situation. for one the kids are too young to understand that they are not betraying their mother yet plus bm would never allow it like she's very over her kids minds and protective of her "spot" (that NO ONE wants).. but i dont care.
and this isnt jedi i genuinely do not care and the same way i dont look to receive that sort of acknowledgement (and dont get it) do not look for what you get out of your mother from me

A child's needs and wellbeing comes first... because the child depends on the parent for survival. They cannot meet their own needs. Then, of course, you do cool things and nice things with and for your kid. The only problem is when a parent becomes completely consumed with being a parent so much so that they are neglecting themselves, their partner and their relationship AND/OR creating an excessively needy kid that demands all of their time and attention (averse to their development) . So, yes, the kid comes first but it's a reasonable ask and desire for a spouse to want to not be left with the scraps or worn down version of you. This is true for both the traditional family and the new normal blended family. The bio parent holds the responsibility for either finding or creating that balance... and should determine if they even can before dating.. Because how could you possibly think it's okay to expect someone to pour into you while you pour into everything else BUT them... that's a lack of reciprocity. Being a parent does not excuse you providing reciprocity in a relationship. Next, people tend to think because kid comes first coparenting and the ex partner come first .. no two different things. The relationship with the child is different than the coparenting. Coparenting is nothing more than making decisions on education, medical, mental health and logistics...and it is very important but the ex does not come before the person your sharing your life with. I think that's a healthier and more mature way of looking at it and thinking compared to "Spouses come first"

Statistics say it takes about 5 years on average for a family to successfully blend .. I can see this in my own situation. There’s been a lot of ups and downs but we’re finally in a place where me and so know how to get and stay on one accord.

There’s a time to be patient & then there’s a time where you have to be willing to draw your line in the sand and when you do the latter and your partner reflects and meets you where you’re at .. THAT’S who you keep doing THIS life with (or the one where you never had to do that).

I’ll tell any woman who listen, THIS life is not worth it with the wrong person. But with the right person & given the work this lifestyles forces you to have to do as individuals and a couple it will create a connection with depth, trust and fulfillment.

Your needs can be met in a blended family and with a partner who has a child with someone else .. it’s ALL about if they are willing and able to be willing and able.

Hopefully this is a refreshing post for some and a confirmation for others.