Am I being unreasonable not letting go of recently discovered lie re. Infidelity?
Me (33F) and bf (34M) have been having a “fresh start” after a work colleague told me he’d been messaging her inappropriately. He is a personal trainer and works in a gym. He had also been following hundreds of women on instagram and eventually admitted to messaging them.
I gave him another chance and he was adamant that all the messages were, were responses to stories and simply flirting on instagram. He promised me there were no other clients and no one he actually knows. He denied any sexting or sending/receiving photos.
At the time when I discovered all this he grabbed me by the throat when I confronted him, and another time he pushed me around like a rag doll. He’s a very muscular man and I’m petite in comparison.
He has since been to therapy and I’ve been with him too which has really helped. He also pulled out of all bodybuilding shows this year and stopped taking steroids. He has also come off
All Social media
We’ve just been on holiday which was very stressful and we had a big argument which led to me feeling really
On edge.
Since a few months ago he’s been very open with his phone and said I can go on it any time I want. I have checked it a few times and found nothing.
When we were out for dinner I’d had a lot to drink and I checked his phone in the bathroom.
I was horrified to find deleted text messages from 3 months ago with another client who he has since carried on working with. And these weren’t just flirty it was full on sexting. The worst part is the girl’s boyfriend is ALSO his client so that adds another layer. So she was cheating on her boyfriend with his and her coach!! It’s wild.
When we were away and arguing he pushed me into a wall
So I had a giant bruise on my bum the whole time. He also kicked me another time when we were arguing.
She was also texting him very submissive stuff and referenced his foot fetishis and long nails. When I asked about this he denied talking about this to her- how else did she know! That’s a hell of a stab in the dark.
Since he is apologetic but expects me to move past it, he just doesn’t understand that it’s the fact he’s lied to me about what actually happened and who with- and I feel this fresh start has beeen under false pretence.
It’s only
Fair that I’m honest in saying I can be a very difficult partner and I have a lot of emotional regulation problems which is very stressful for him. He is incredibly supportive
Of this and in general is very caring and loving.
Any advice? Am I being unfair given all the work he’s done?
Tl;dr partner dishonest about level of infidelity and found out that it was actually sexting with many people he’s in regular contact with still. I don’t
Believe he has done anything since but it’s the fact he has lied about the extent of it