(20M) I'm terrified for placements, but I can't stop getting high every night.
I am a 20M living in a T1 metro city. I study CSE in a decent college. My parents are well off, so there's no pressure to contribute there.
My 7th semester is going to start in August, and along with that comes placements. Ideally, I should be grinding my ass off this summer, but I'm barely able to study once every three days.
Instead, I have been smoking weed every night for like two years. If I don't have any weed, I switch to alcohol. I literally cannot go to bed at night sober. Now that I am at home, this has become the highlight of my everyday life (so fucking sad right lmao). I just laze around and recover from last night during the day, then indulge again at night.
I used to have so many friends. Many of them genuinely cared about me. I pushed them all away because I wanted to get high alone every night. Now, when they do call me occasionally to hang out, I'm either too afraid to pick up or I just tell them I'm not in town or give some BS excuse.
The only thing I had going for me was the gym. I used to live in my college hostel. Over there, I didn't have the liberty to smoke or drink daily because it was strict. However, I did go to the gym consistently. I'm quite satisfied with my physique right now, but I haven't hit the gym since college let us out.
Thinking about how far I have fallen just makes me even more depressed and anxious. What will become of me?
I'm hoping that when, and if, I do land a job, it overworks me so I don't have time to indulge in substances. That's my plan to get out of this. Deep down, though, I know that's probably not a real solution.
Has anyone here been in a similar position? How did you actually break out of it?