u/OkTrain6990

This may be a bit hard to explain so sorry if its not articulated well since theres so many tiny aspects that snowball into this really weird friendship dynamic i have with my bestfriend.

I am 17(F) and have known my best friend, also 17(F) for 10 years. We've known eachother since childhood and are very close... or at least i thought so up until last year.

To give a bit of context we have very opposite personalities and it hasn't been a big issue. But the best way i can describe her is that she is very introverted, reserved, observant compared to me. Also shes a picese if that gives away anything lol. Im more omniverted/extroverted, very spontaneous, energetic and optimistic.

Throughout our freindship, i have obviously come to terms with our different perspectives and personalities which i didnt mind, but also, iv'e come to the realisation that i have also excused a lot of questionable behaviours from her by saying to myself "thats just her personality".

Though, over these past two years, ive realised that i had considered her my number 1, my best friend, etc.. putting her on a pedestal when in reality she probably doesnt care about me as much as i thought she did. I also realised that close friendships aren't supposed to look like this so now, i dont have a close friend wherw i have a shoulder to lean on or soemone who prioritises me as much i do with them.

Here are most of the weird things she does that makes me question our friendship:

1. Ive noticed shes very self-obsorbed

Not in a notable way where shes done something huge that has made me realise this, but she's always told me that she's a person who feels a lot, who over thinks, and is aware about a lot of things and how kind she is. While i feel that these traits do reflect her to some extent, she only ever holds these traits when it comes to herself, and the decisions or things that she has going on in her life. To put this into example, a decision affecting me vs a decision affecting her -- she would pour her everything, all her thoughts and considerations into soemething that affects her but always dismisses my matters in my life and barley thinks about it.

2. She does'nt know how to communicate with me when it comes to my mental health and lacks emotional maturity

Last year i was going through the worst period of my life. My mental health was so bad to a point i thought of resorting to self harm and my bestfriend knew how much i was dealing with personally in my life. I wouldn't vent often, only if something was affecting ne a lot. But when i would bring up my emotions and personal situations, she would sit there, give me a pouty look and just repeat "yeah i know" *sigh* "yeah that happens to everyone and its bad." Its like she's an automated robot speaking to me with only 3 different phrases coded into her.

I remember that it got so bad for me, i even told her like "hey im not doing well and i keep thinking about harning myself" and she only responds with "yeahhh" *pouty face* "i knoww" *sigh*

After this happened i got very weirded out because like i just told her the deepest shit and she responds like that?

Another thing that she does which i absolutely hate is that If im not talking a lot or as much as i usually do because im in a bad mood, had a bad day etc.. and we're hanging out, she notices but doesn't say a thing and just sits quiet like me. I feel like thats so inconsiderate and weird of her to do something like that because she obviously knows something is up with me but reciprocates my behaviour like a 10 year old would. Maybe like ask me if im okay? I dont know if im exagerating or saying it in an attention seeking way but i just thought she'd check up on me.

3. Every time we have a problem or an arguement, she nake me look like a bitch towards her

Whenever she does something dumb and i get pissed off. I bring it up to her and tell her straight away if something she did bothered me. I cant even describe how, but she puts on this dainty act, and puts her head all low and goes all quiet which i hate, because i'm like qn upfront person, ill talk to you normally and im passive as well so when she does this act, it makes me feel like im being a bitch

4. She is very out of touch from reality

Lets say i have a bad day, and i talk about mine and rant on about it, she starts sulking and talking about her day and completely dismissing what ive been saying. And im not comparing our day to day problems but her one would be like "i wanted this product but my mum made me so overstimulated that i cried for hours and then i couldnt pick out which new dress i wanted, and then the store closed :((" and she'd say materialistic problems like this after i just talked about a serious topic that i had gone through that day.

3. She never messages first/makes conversation first.

Pretty much yeah. Never texts first unless i do.

Never calls me unless i do.

So ive just been trying to lately distance myself from her besides school and i really dont know how to even talk to her about these werid behaviours, becuse all of these are so specific and over the courae of years so it makes me look like an over-analysing phsyco. I can't lie, i have grew resentment towards her for this but every time i try to tell myself to bring it up, again, im gonna be the bitch in the friendship so yeah...

I want to know the best way to deal with this. So i'd really appreciate advice on how to deal with her and if i should talk to her about this.

I feel very needy and attached towards a person (30M) online where im addicted to messaging him..

For context, around January this year i posted something really personal and emotional on a specific subreddit, asking for advice. I was planning to delete it after a few days but ended up keeping it for a week or something. Most of the dms i got were either from creeps or just small comforting messages and nothing after that. Until this person messaged me, giving me advice for my specific situation. Theyre tone was very different compared to other people's tone when they message, they had a soft, genuine and comforting tone to their messages so i assumed it was a woman messaging. The advice they gave me was a solution i thought about before but still was hard for me to do so i told them that my situation is very difficult so they told me they would check up on me every now and then.

I never really used reddit so i had my notifications off and would reply whenever i opened the app. But a while later we started messaging back and forth for a while on unrelated topics to my post and around 2 weeks later i find out it was a guy i was talking to the whole time, which was very surprising. (Mind you, i dont talk to guys at all so this was new to me but in a casual way) We got to know eachother more and spent hours messaging eachother throughout the day and i grew a really bad attachment to him because i like the way he spoke, his personality. his interests, his wit, his knowledge, among many other things.

We would message eachother every day, throughout the day. Then it slowly became at the end of every day, then every other day, then all day during weekends and now.. its even rare for him to text me twice every week, and i get very lonely just thinking about it. My nervous system doesnt calm down unless he messages me and this has really affected my studies and my overall life. Don't get me wrong, i have friends but i like talking to him because i get to be myself and talk about whatever i want and he doesn't judge.

And mind you, this isn't me at all. I am a very disciplined person but this happened to me and all of a sudden my whole day and week depends on him. no one else has matched the excitment and thrill he brings into my life.

Ive tried to be normal about it and delete my whole reddit account or block him or something but i just can't do it as i feel that it is a friendship really worth keeping. And I know its morally wrong and very stupid of me but i also day dream about meeting him one day if he wasn't far away or if i was older. (judge me all you want 🥲)

What do i do? Do i tell him this? Ghost him? im really not sure and i would appreciate advice!